Weddingbee Blog

source

This was me, two weeks before my wedding day.

OK, so remember way back when I was still a new blogger here, before I got married?

I wrote this big, long post about how Mr. Bunny and I were fantastic together, even though I was very doubtful of our relationship at times. And how it was mostly about me and my anxiety disorder, not about Mr. Bunny.

Well, I have a confession.

*ahem*

Two days after I wrote that post — the one that so many of you thanked me for writing — I drove over to Mr. B’s apartment, stood before him in tears, and handed back my engagement ring.

Here’s the story:

We went our separate ways on Saturday night, saying we’d meet up for church the next morning, Father’s Day. That morning, I was in church. Mr. Bunny was not. The sermon, it turned out, was about being a man of God, the one quality I most wanted in a husband. At the end, the pastor called for the men in the congregation who wanted to be better husbands and fathers to come forward for prayer.

I sat motionless, refusing to turn my head, praying that my fiance had slipped into the sanctuary a few minutes later than I. I wanted to see him come forward and ask for prayer. I was looking for a confirmation that Mr. B was indeed “Mr. Right” — the man God had for me.

This might sound stupid to those of you who aren’t spiritual or religious, but I firmly believed in that moment that if he didn’t come forward, it was a sign that we weren’t meant to be together. That we never should have been.

He never came forward.

I cried the whole way to his apartment, steeling myself for what was to come. I prepared myself for his tears, for begging. I readied my explanation for why I was breaking up with him — for real this time.

And then I was there, standing over him, holding out the ring with tears streaming down my face.

He was asleep on his living room sofa while my heart was breaking. I had to say his name loudly to wake him.

And then he opened his eyes and sat up, and I prepared to launch into the most difficult speech I think I’ll ever give in my life.

To be continued …

Previously, on the Bunny Bridal Countdown:

The Showers (30+ days)
Dress disaster (28 days)
Dress decision (25 days)
Bunny goes Playboy (23 days)
Cake-speriments, Part I (23 days)
Cake-speriments, Part II
Hoppin’ to my hairdo
The part where everything went wrong