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As I mentioned in my last post, two of our groomsmen will be having babies soon. So, when are the wives of our guys due? One is due two weeks before our wedding. And our best man’s wife? The day after our wedding (Mother’s Day, coincidentally).
(photo from Abigail Seymour , a photographer I love, and blog-stalk)
This news comes as a mixed blessing for us because obviously we are SO excited for them to have their first child, but unfortunately it means Mr. Guinea Pig’s best man can no longer attend our wedding. 
They live in Florida, and there’s no way he’s flying to Maryland the day before his wife is due to have the baby! Even if she has the baby a few days early, he doesn’t want to leave her and the babe behind, which is completely understandable.
Mr. GP is pretty sad - he and best bud K had made a pact growing up that they would be each other’s best men. Mr. Guinea Pig was the best man in K’s wedding 2 years ago and Mr. GP was excited to have K stand up there with him next year when we get married. Now, Mr. GP thinks he’ll ask another friend (groomsman J) to do the honors, but we both feel a little guilty about that. Obviously groomsman J knows he wasn’t first pick, and then Mr. Guinea Pig would need to ask another friend to step up as a groomsman to have equal numbers. Part of me wants to leave everything as is, and just make an announcement at the wedding that the best man couldn’t be here today, but he’s with us in spirit as he and his wife welcome their first child into the world! Perhaps that would draw too much attention to it. It would leave my sister hanging out by herself going up and down the aisle, which isn’t a huge deal, but the symmetrical perfectionist in me wants 5 people on each side.
What would you do? Was anyone else pretty disappointed that a close friend couldn’t make it to your wedding for completely acceptable, understandable (joyous) reasons? Has anyone else had a member of the wedding party there in spirit only?!
Go asymmetrical!
Maybe as something fun you could get the Best Man from a far to send one of those giant cardboard cutouts of himself to make your man feel a little better (but just as a joke - not actually for the ceremony).
Then make some kind of announcement with a cute picture of him and either a) still pregnant wife or b) wife and new baby to show folks at the reception.
we had a groomsman step down because of family responsibilities. It was a huge bummer to my guy. He was bummer about it for a little while, but ended up asking one of his other friends (who was going to do some MC’ing). We just had the dj mc and the other friend stand up.
I’m all about symmetrical, even though it’s less expected these days!
It’s more important to me to have the important people standing with me than to have symmetry. However I wouldn’t be too lopsided. My fiance thought about adding 1-2 extra, if he added 2 then I would add but otherwise keep mine as is.
totally understand being bummed he won’t make it (I’m sure he is bummed as well). I wouldn’t add someone just to have even #’s. It’s like “You weren’t good enough before but now we are down a man so would you like to be my groomsman?”
I would pick the next closest guy friend to have the best man honors
i’d leave it as is. your sister can always double up with a groomsman if you don’t want her to walk by herself.
@mander411, Talishazwi: Luckily there was someone particular in mind who we were trying to find a role for already, so it wasn’t quite that situation, thankfully.
I’d leave it as is as well, IF your guy is OK with that. If the BM is not replaced, then he’s still the BM, even if he’s not physically there and maybe that’s something Mr GP would feel better about. If he’d rather have someone step up, then so be it as well.
I think it’s more about his feelings in this case. I don’t think symmetry is a big issue… people are not going to head count at your wedding!
Just thought I’d share my own story on this… My husband’s GM’s wife wasn’t due until three weeks after our wedding but the baby tracked very big about three weeks ahead of growth charts. The week of our wedding she began to dilate and GM J called to back out. My husband was bummed and it caused some last minute shifting the day before the wedding. Imagine our surprise when they showed up for communion. I nearly fell over. They came to the wedding stayed all night, J took pictures with us just in his shirt and tie and by the time we got to my parent’s for a BBQ Sunday morning we had pictures of their new baby. She went into labor around 1 a.m. a half hour after they got back to MD from Philly.
Now it doesn’t sound as if things could work out as perfectly for you guys. But really the odd numbers made no difference. We just doubled people up. I wouldn’t worry about it
I’d leave it as is. It’s understandable why he’s not there 
I was in a wedding where the bride’s sister had an emergency c-section & couldn’t make it, so she tacked on another bridesmaid (the sister wasn’t the MOH). One of my BM’s son was diagnosed with terminal cancer about a month before my wedding, so she bowed out obviously with good reason. (Our wedding planning kind of came to a jarring halt as well.) We just left as is-I could have asked the first friend (with the c-section sister) to step in, but I chose to just have my brother (a GM) escort me down the aisle, and have another one of my BMs (my niece) be escorted back down the aisle by 2 GMs (one being my brother). You get over the symmetry when something big is at stake.
You can try to Skype or video chat them in to the reception so at least they get to see a part of your day!
I think that people understand the concept of having A best man … as in one. It’s obvious that people need to decide and make cutback on best mand and then again for the wedding party. True friends will understand that. I think promoting someone to the new Best man position and then someone to join the wedding party will be treated with honour rather then spite, unless you don’t have good freinds at all … then you’re probably stuck :S (jokes 
)
I don’t think your groomsman would be offended by being asked to “step up.” It seems to me like it would be an honor! I think either way is fine–just depends on what Mr. GP thinks is best.
Years ago, Mr. Potato Head was supposed to be a groomsman in one of his brother’s wedding, and then he got deployed and obviously couldn’t make it. They put a note in the program saying as much, and now Mr. PH likes to tease his bro that he wasn’t there b/c he didn’t get an invite!
You could definitely acknowledge Mr. GP’s friend, either in the program or elsewhere!
Yeah… for some reason it didn’t register with me that planning a wedding more than a year in advance meant that there were lots of chances for new babies to be popping into our midst in the meantime. Luckily we don’t have any bridal party members down yet… but our guest list has been steadily growing with all of the new babies who we expect to be born before our big day
Aww, tough one. I’d suggest leaving the spot for him since he’s there “in spirit”, but I understand the desire for symmetry.
I agree with Miss Hamster and leave the spot empty in spirit of his best friend. Even if you add another person, it wont be the same. It doesnt need to be symmetrical (but it maybe because i love things that are just a little “off”).
I like the idea of him maintaining his role as best man because let’s be honest, there are a lot of things that go into weddings before the day of. He can particpate in those. And, I think making an announcement would be super sweet.
My husband was going to have two Best Men, both of his brothers. His next younger brother is in the foreign service in Europe. They had a premature baby in July, in additon to two other children under three, so therefore he couldn’t make it. We had a note in the program and we asked another friend to be in the wedding. We had about eight weeks notice.
I like the idea of him staying the best man and you saying something or including it in a program how he is only there in spirit because he’s busy being a new daddy.
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Mrs. Guinea Pig, Baltimore, MD Age and Occupation: 26, PhD student Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Operations Director at a non-profit Engagement Date: December 25, 2008 Wedding Date: May 2010 Venue: The Chesapeake Bay Beach Club About Me: I'm a tomboy science nerd whose girly side has made a startling appearance thanks to wedding planning! I love to bake, knit and sew but I also ride a motorcycle (that Mr. Guinea Pig wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole). We live with our three crazy cats and love to read, travel, watch movies, and do home improvement projects together! My parents/family are Canadian but I'm definitely American, although I've lived in 5 different countries, 6 different states, and speak Russian fluently. Mr. GP and I met online (did I mention I'm a scientist?) and had a whirlwind romance - now we can't wait to get married & celebrate with all our friends and family in a blue and yellow waterfront affair!
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