Nervous and Excited?

“The big day is coming up! Are you nervous? Excited?”

At least once a day, if not multiple times in the same elevator ride, I am told the wedding is really close and asked about my emotional status. At first, I was so happy that people remembered and were kind enough to ask. I would nod enthusiastically or say that I was ready for it all to be over – which both seemed to be socially acceptable replies. Then I started to really think about how I felt, and those feelings have just grown stronger the past few days.

I’m sad. Even as I’m getting married and it’s a happy occasion, it also means that I’m moving to a different state and leaving behind a pretty nice life that I’ve invested in a lot over the past two years. I’m leaving good friends, a church that has ministered to me, an office that makes going to work fun. I’m leaving my running route and the footbridge. I’m leaving the familiar. This has been a more difficult process than I anticipated.

I’m sober. Some would call this nervous or tentative, but what I’ve really been feeling is sober about the weight of my decision to get married and all of its implications.

I’m pledging to marry another human. To care for him when I don’t feel like it, to love him when it’s hard, to sacrifice and compromise for the good of us as a couple. This is big and weighty – but also good, and I feel ready.

I’m tired. We’ve been planning the wedding for a year. The Lambster has moved twice. I’ve moved once and have a move coming up. We’ve bought a house. I graduated from graduate school. My woolly counterpart started graduate school. There have been some family health issues recently. I feel like I could sleep for a week.

I’m glad. I’m looking forward to the dust settling, when I wake up sometime about two months from now. When I wake up, I’ll see my husband. We’ll drink some coffee. He’ll go to school. I’ll go to work. Later, I’ll tell him about my day. Then I’ll read in bed. He’ll turn off the lights when he’s finished with homework. So, yes, I’m excited, but not necessarily for the wedding. I’m excited for my marriage to begin.

You can’t quite fit all of that into an elevator conversation, so I’ve been sorting these emotions out by talking to my wonderful friends. I’m not sure what I thought I would feel, but some of these have taken me by surprise.

As you approach your wedding day, have any emotions been a surprise to you? Are you nervous? excited?

BLOGGER

Mrs. Lamb

Location:
Norfolk
Wedding Date:
January 2010
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comments

  1. Member
    spaniel 6778 posts, Busy Beekeeper @ 12:46 pm

    The wedding seems like less of a transition for me–I already live where I will live afterward, and I’ll still be a student when I come back from the honeymoon–and I don’t feel nervous. Just… happy. Happy I’m getting married, and happy for the day the wedding planning is over. ;)

  2. Member
    Miss Sapphire 1398 posts, Bumble bee @ 1:02 pm

    We already live together too, so with like 19 days to go I’m just more happy about getting everyone packed, getting the holidays over with and getting the show on the “airplane”. I’ve kinda had enough. :)

  3. Member
    Miss Sox in the City 285 posts, Helper bee @ 1:29 pm

    I feel you, Miss Lamb. I’m looking forward to my marriage, but I’m not quite sure what that will mean and what the future holds.. where I will get a job [I'm unemployed, right now], where we will live, etc. It’s exciting, but nerve-wracking.

    This is really well written and I can totally relate. Good luck with everything in the final month! :)

  4. Guest Icon Guest
    Tia, Guest @ 2:21 pm

    I totally understand what you’re saying, Miss Lamb…it is such a long, tiring, and at times heavy process. As any major life transition would be, but I think marriage is especially intense because it’s the first time that you are actually looking at the end of your life in a concrete way. This is the person you’ll see that end with. And yes, it’s such an emotional transition to go through! I felt quite drained by the time my wedding happened. But I can assure you that everything you look forward to about married life will be there…all the normal, heavenly moments of just day-to-day sharing. The wedding is amazing but I love the happily ever after, too. :)

  5. Member
    S-berry 48 posts, Newbee @ 5:00 pm

    I’m proud of you (not in a condescending way) of being sober about getting married. What’s that saying? “Keep your eys half-open before the wedding and half-shut afterwards.”

    Here is to you having the most fun and touching day of your life so far on your wedding day…and rest afterwards!

  6. Member
    Mrs. Mouse 4789 posts, Honey bee @ 5:48 pm

    You have so much to be excited about, but also some things to be sad about (like leaving behind people, your job, etc.). It’s a lot of emotions to sort through!! Good to start thinking about these things now so your feelings don’t take you by surprise after the wedding.

  7. Guest Icon Guest
    katie, Guest @ 6:41 pm

    Thanks for this post. It is good to see this kind of reality check. My fiance has gone through this a lot more than I have…just very sobered about what all this will mean. He has gone through a lot of nerves – which makes me a little nervous, too – but I think at the end of the day – we will be so happy we have made this decision. Like you said…all the ups and downs of married life – to love when it is hard, the compromise, the sacrifice…all of that is to be married to another imperfect human being.

    I am tired too! It is good to read I am not alone! Thanks! And it will be great!

  8. Member
    Ms. Library 1241 posts, Bumble bee @ 7:55 pm

    Ditto. I have been struck with the weight of the decision, which I am totally glad I made, but it is a big one. We’re still trying to figure out where to get jobs after he graduates from grad school, where we need to move, etc. It’s joyful, but people don’t always want to hear about the other stuff.

  9. Member
    misspug 3668 posts, Sugar bee @ 9:39 pm

    sounds like it’s definitely a big change–no wonder you are both excited and a bit anxious. totally understandable. i agree with the others–it’s good that you are being so mature about this and recognizing the big change that’s going to happen so you aren’t taken by surprise (which might be harder). it’ll all work out wonderfully for you, lamb.

  10. Member
    cola 2827 posts, Sugar bee @ 12:24 am

    This is such a sweet, well thought out post! Definitely giving me something to think about!

  11. Member
    pvaulter718 2116 posts, Buzzing bee @ 8:01 am

    It must be hard to have so much happy and sad bouncing around your head and heart all at once! I was able to just move 2 blocks, and keep my same job and I was still an emotional rollercoaster. Moving out of my parent’s house and into “our” house was a tear-filled day. I hadn’t anticipated how sad and overwhelming it would be to really close that door to what had been 22 years of my life. For a long time, I kept it all inside because I didn’t want my Mister to think I wasn’t looking forward to living with him, getting married, and starting a life together. But it was good to open up to him, to talk to him, and learn he had many of the same emotions.

  12. Member
    frenchfries 2168 posts, Buzzing bee @ 10:33 am

    Very eloquently said. I’ve had some (or all) of those feelings throughout this process. I’m definitely ready for the marriage part of this whole thing!

  13. Member
    pretzel 670 posts, Busy bee @ 11:27 am

    Lamb- I heart you! You are so right and sober is a wonderful description.

  14. Member
    kayakgirl73 2593 posts, Sugar bee @ 4:10 pm

    I felt this also. I sold my condo that I had bought on my own and moved into his after the wedding I had to change states. I only live 40 minutes from my old area but in metro DC that’s a lot. At least I kept my job as it was downtown and I moved from one suburb to another.

  15. Guest Icon Guest
    cocker spaniel, Guest @ 11:26 am

    I’m so happy to see others feel the same way I do. I’m WAY excited about my wedding and marriage, but I get sad knowing I am leaving me family and friends. I know I can always come and visit, but that isn’t the same when you are use to calling someone up at the last minute for dinner just to chat. I’m nervous about finding a new job, new friends, and a new life. I know everything will work out, but I can’t help but be sad of the life I’m leaving behind.

  16. Member
    cardigan 8645 posts, Bumble Beekeeper @ 9:12 pm

    That’s such a great way to put it. We’re still far away enough from the wedding that I’m not getting a lot of those questions, but I love your honesty when explaining the mixed emotions!

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