“The big day is coming up! Are you nervous? Excited?”
At least once a day, if not multiple times in the same elevator ride, I am told the wedding is really close and asked about my emotional status. At first, I was so happy that people remembered and were kind enough to ask. I would nod enthusiastically or say that I was ready for it all to be over – which both seemed to be socially acceptable replies. Then I started to really think about how I felt, and those feelings have just grown stronger the past few days.
I’m sad. Even as I’m getting married and it’s a happy occasion, it also means that I’m moving to a different state and leaving behind a pretty nice life that I’ve invested in a lot over the past two years. I’m leaving good friends, a church that has ministered to me, an office that makes going to work fun. I’m leaving my running route and the footbridge. I’m leaving the familiar. This has been a more difficult process than I anticipated.
I’m sober. Some would call this nervous or tentative, but what I’ve really been feeling is sober about the weight of my decision to get married and all of its implications.
I’m pledging to marry another human. To care for him when I don’t feel like it, to love him when it’s hard, to sacrifice and compromise for the good of us as a couple. This is big and weighty – but also good, and I feel ready.
I’m tired. We’ve been planning the wedding for a year. The Lambster has moved twice. I’ve moved once and have a move coming up. We’ve bought a house. I graduated from graduate school. My woolly counterpart started graduate school. There have been some family health issues recently. I feel like I could sleep for a week.
I’m glad. I’m looking forward to the dust settling, when I wake up sometime about two months from now. When I wake up, I’ll see my husband. We’ll drink some coffee. He’ll go to school. I’ll go to work. Later, I’ll tell him about my day. Then I’ll read in bed. He’ll turn off the lights when he’s finished with homework. So, yes, I’m excited, but not necessarily for the wedding. I’m excited for my marriage to begin.
You can’t quite fit all of that into an elevator conversation, so I’ve been sorting these emotions out by talking to my wonderful friends. I’m not sure what I thought I would feel, but some of these have taken me by surprise.
As you approach your wedding day, have any emotions been a surprise to you? Are you nervous? excited?