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“Checkin’ it twice…”
Our guest list, that is.
(source)
While ’naughty’ and ’nice’ don’t quite figure into the equation, making our guest list has proven to be one of our more difficult tasks.
Our total number of invitees was something that I wanted to estimate early. Like, within a month of our engagement early. You see, I knew we would have quite a large number, and I figured that it might restrict our reception location search (it did - we only had two options, one of which was out of budget). So when I asked our parents to start working on a rough number right away, I think they were taken a bit by surprise.
To set a good example, we got started on our list right away as well. Burger’s family got back to me with their tentative number, plus or minus a few. But my parents had a bit more trouble. You see, my mom is Italian. She has five brothers and sisters. She has over 20 aunts and uncles and like a million first cousins (most of whom we are very close to). Not to mention the fact that they had to include my dad’s family, my parents’ own childhood friends, plus neighbors, co-workers, and other friends! So, yeah, their list was long.
I felt terrible as Cheeseburger Mom struggled to whittle down their number, but unfortunately we don’t really have any options. We’re limited less financially than we are spatially. I mean, of course everyone knows that the easiest way to save money on a wedding is to cut the guest list (so for that reason, a smaller number is obviously better), but for us, our venue can only fit a maximum of 300 if we want to have a dance floor. And we’re right at that number of invitees. It took quite a few revisions, but Cheeseburger Mom finally got a number she was happy with, and all is right in the world! 
Now that the invitations are heading out, the guest list is finalized and here are the stats:
Total Number of Invitees: 297
I think this is a totally reasonable breakdown, and we ended up just under our goal number without going over or leaving anyone out!
I have no idea how many of these people we can expect to come. Our wedding is at a time of year that not a lot is going on - not a lot of other weddings, graduations, communions, etc. - but it is out of town for all of our guests. Granted, it’s only a few hours to make the drive, but that, along with the fact that most people will probably want to spend at least one night, may deter guests. We’ll see!
I’ll be sure to do a follow-up post on our RSVP stats, as I know I’m always curious to see how the breakdown goes for other brides in the hive!
I come from a big family (my mom alone is one of 12 children!). However, my fiance’s mother is inviting everyone she knows, or ever has known. She’s inviting her mortgage broker and her other son (who is 11 yrs older than the future mr.)’s best friend. It’s getting a little ridiculous. But, lucky for me, my mom has a cool head and is just rolling with it. Did I mention it’s a kind of destination wedding!
I feel your guest list pain!
I would have to estimate that our breakdown is pretty close to yours. My family is pretty big (not the size of yours, but relatively big) so it’s hard to chop people off the list. Why must guest lists be this hard?
Similar here, I bet. My mom’s side of the family is HUGE. I bet it’s like 60% her side, 20% us, 20% his side.
Our invites are going out TODAY and I’m freaking the heck out. I also come from a HUGE family (dad has seven bros and sis and I have a million first cousins…), but our venue only holds…..180. ACK! Right now we’re inviting 197 and I’m praying some people don’t show up, as terrible as that sounds. I spent the weekend cutting about 30 people to bring the number to barely under 200. The problem is that most of them live here in town. I feel your pain.
Our preliminary guest list was about 250 which is much bigger than I would like, but we’ll see.
it’s tough to whittle down the numbers with big families, but seems like your families did a great job, and you just came under by your chin-y chin chin!
I feel ‘ya. My Mom is Italian - huge, close-knit fam as well. We wanted a wedding of about 150 and now we’re sending out STDs for more than 270. :::crossing my fingers:::
While family is a consideration, our feeling is that it’s our wedding and so while his dad may want all his cousins there, they aren’t folks that factor into our lives much that we want to feel obligated to invite (and if we invite one it means inviting all).
So we did our own guest list and if there have been any issues, we haven’t heard any. His mom recently got remarried, so she had her wedding; and his dad sees his relations enough, so this day is about us and no one has said anything otherwise (though truth be told, I wouldn’t care).
We are keeping is small, about 100, and if someone feels slighted, sorry but that’s the number we factored and where we want to stay.
Mr. GP’s family is huge and very ‘together’, but what my side lacks in family numbers we sure make up for in family friends! I think we’ll end up being pretty even across the board, actually. Glad you got your numbers down, and I’m excited to see your RSVP rate, I am always so curious about that!
Guest listing is hard! We’ve come to ~280, but because we are getting married in Mexico, we are only expecting half of those invited to show up. Do you guys think I’m deluding myself with that number? Luckily our venue can hold up to 500!
Our list is at 100 and thats with no kids! It was a tough list to make, I would prefered even less but there wasn’t anyone else I was able to cut.
Our final RSVP stat for our VT destination wedding in January is 76% attending. I was quite surprised given everyone has to travel.
Guest lists are such a pain!!! Now I’m curious what our breakdown is… but I expect it’s something like 60% my family (and parents’ friends), 25% ours, and 15% his family (and their friends).
Whoops! I can’t help it, though… Pakistanis have big families. 
That’s a pretty good breakdown. My mom also has a big Italian family, so one of our first moves was to make it clear that we were keeping the wedding small. We limited it to only our aunts, uncles and cousins, so I didn’t get stuck inviting my mom’s 50+ cousins, their kids, etc. Our final stats were that we invited 119, (including lots of “and guests”) 86 attended.
We’ve got about a 35-35-30 breakdown between both sets of parents and ourselves. We wound up inviting about 150 people, an we hope to get about 120-130 RSVP’s.
I’m not even engaged yet, but we’ve already tentatively planned out the guest list. It’s such a hard task!! However, we didnt ask our parents for their input. Our plan is to show them OUR list, which obviously includes the family from both sides, and see what they think. If they think we left some people out, then we will consider it, but ultimately, we’ve decided the final decision is ours. No matter what. Well….unless they offer to throw some major dough our way to cover their extra invites!! hehe….we can TOTALLY be bought!
Our breakdown is pretty even….we both have huge families!!! We haven’t sent out invites yet but I am thinking we’re at about 160 on our way to 175 people! Aughhh.
Our home party is gonna have way more people on Mr. N’s side and his mom. I’m totally ok with that though, I’d rather have the people I’m closest with and let him invite everyone and their mother if he wants. Compared to our 24 guests, your wedding is gonna be a huge blast!
this is my least anticipated chore to do. ugh. it’s gonna suck
We started by asking our parents to rank people into A,B, and C categories. We took all of the As, some of the Bs, and none of the Cs. The C list had a lot of their personal friends and I didn’t feel it was important for them to be at our wedding. The B list had a lot of cousins, and we both were kind of picky about which cousins we chose to invite. I don’t feel that people need to be invited just because they are related, but they do need to be invited if we are close, were close as children, or if they would be extremely offended.
We’re including children, because they’re part of the family too and we didn’t want anyone to not come because they’d have to find a babysitter for several days while they traveled out of town.
We are also allowing +1s which drives our numbers up, but I have a hard time justifying not allowing someone to bring their SO to an event that is a ceremony of love. I hate the double standard that you must invite the spouse of your guest, even if you don’t know the spouse, but are not obliged to invite someone’s SO whether you have met them or not. I don’t like judging other people’s relationships.
We’re inviting 160 and hope to have around 130 attend.
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Mrs. Cheeseburger, Baltimore, MD/State College, PA Age and Occupation: 25, Medical Student Fiance's Age and Occupation: 25, Medical Student Engagement Date: June 28, 2008 Wedding Date: March 2010 Venue: Catholic Church Ceremony & Hotel Reception About Me: I'm a passionate girl from Pittsburgh, currently living in Baltimore for school, who loves Penn State, seeing movies, football, thunderstorms, black and white photos, Christmas, good beer, my amazing friends and family, and of course, my mister! We met, fell in love, got engaged, and will be married at our alma mater (go lions!) in a traditional Catholic ceremony followed by a hotel reception with lots of DIY details. It means so much to have our families and friends meet at our favorite place on earth to celebrate our love for one another - I truly couldn't ask for anything more!
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