Weddingbee Blog

A number of blog posts about financial planning after marriage led to a pretty great decision for the Pencils this past fall. Before, I would have said, “joint everything or nothing” because that’s how my parents did it and it works for them.

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I forgot to remember that what works for one couple doesn’t always translate to success for all. For example, me and Mr. Pencils.

See, I used to think that having a separate personal account meant that there were secrets to keep, and I thought that if a husband and wife didn’t share everything, they would lack trust. Don’t judge—I was worried that if Mr. Pencils and I had separate accounts, it might make it all that easier for one of us to have an indiscretion!

On the seven-hour long drive back from North Carolina where we spent Thanksgiving with Mama and Papa Pencils, I was perusing wedding blogs and stumbled across this post by Ms. Spaniel. I mentioned it to Mr. P and I read it aloud to him (he was driving—I’m such a slacker and made him drive both ways!). It began one of the best conversations we have had as a couple, and that’s saying a lot, as we have been dating for nearly 6 years!

Right now we have a joint checking account that we both deposit a certain amount into to cover our joint bills—the mortgage, cell phone, cable and electricity. But I also have a separate checking and savings and Mr. Pencils has a separate checking and stock market account (those have a special name but my lack of any econ courses in college prevents me from remembering). It’s a lot to think about whether we should keep all of those or get rid of all of them.

Also, as I previously mentioned, I knew what I thought. Or, I thought I knew! After Ms. Spaniel’s post, and then following up by reading 2,000 Dollar Bride’s thoughts, I was confused and pretty turned around. My mindset around what a trusting relationship regarding money was all topsy turvy. I began to think that it made sense to keep some semblance of independence and to have my own money to go out to dinner, or buy some new underwear, or get a pedicure.

Mr. Pencils agreed. What made the conversation a best yet? How quickly we agreed and came up with a plan! I present to you, our post-wedding, same-name budget plan!

It’s OK to be jealous of my mad Paint skillz.

Confused? Let me explain. Each month, both of our paychecks will be deposited into a joint saving account that we will have laid out priorities for (like a vacation, a home improvement, or a cool adventure). Then, we’ll take only what we need for our monthly expenses—mortgage and all that, but also my student loans, my car payment, our vet’s fees, etc.—and put that into our joint checking. We’ll also include a monthly “allowance” if you will that we each will then put into our personal checking account. This way, Mr. Pencils really can buy a new video game without “asking my permission” and I don’t have to feel guilty for a bit of splurging on new makeup! It’s definitely in line with what the 2,000 Dollar Bride recommends, but with a few less accounts.

We’re pretty excited by this plan and can’t believe how easy it was to talk about. We realized that if we had waited until after the wedding to discuss it, we could have been putting ourselves into a potentially frustrating or even upsetting situation—what if we completely disagreed about fundamental things like money but didn’t know it? I sincerely believe every couple should have the hard conversations about money, communication styles, plans for the futures and kids before you tie the knot. Having these kinds of conversations with Mr. Pencils has only brought us closer together, and cemented the knowledge that we truly are meant to be a family.

What difficult conversations have you had with your SO? Are you avoiding one in particular? How have you arranged your finances for post-wedding bliss?