Weddingbee Blog

I watch wedding TV shows like I watch car wrecks. I watch them like I watch news about Lindsay Lohan’s little sister. I watch them like I watch Miley Cyrus’s inevitable descent into early adulthood and bad decisions. Like I watch Jon Gosselin to see when he’ll stop wearing Ed Hardy T-shirts. That is to say, I watch them with equal parts fascination, schadenfreude, and revulsion.

Enough with the normal-sized “bulging” brides and their ridiculous trainers! Enough with the platinum brides and their diamond-encrusted shoes! Enough with the ’zillas! Enough with the suggestion that a wedding needs to be a grand event, a show-stopper, dripping in uplighting and matching Vera-Wanged bridesmaids. Enough with the idea that there is One Right Way to plan a wedding or One Right Way to be a bride.

Image source (commentary my own)

Here are the shows I’d actually like to watch. You listening, WeTV??

Someone send them a memo, stat.

1. Fatty Groom. Premise: Flabby groom and beer-bellied best man attempted to fit into that very-special tux. Certified-for-TV nutritionist and a personal trainer played by The Situation do a lot of yelling and push-ups in an attempt to scare groom straight and convince him that extra holiday weight and those late-night buffalo nachos = unlovable male-spinster (minster).

2. Say ‘Aye!’ to DIY. Follows moderately priced weddings with an emphasis on how to make things beautiful using some imagination and a glue gun. The equation: HGTV + Rich Bride, Poor Bride – any implication that wealth = happiness.

3. The Novel Wedding. Follows the planning and issues surrounding out-of-the-box and/or underrepresented couples: steampunk, goth, Renaissance, Pagan weddings… same sex, transgendered, interracial couples… courthouse weddings, backyard weddings, weddings in a bowling alley, weddings on a shoestring, weddings in outer space.

4. Plan PChipz’s Wedding. Camera crew hones in on burnt-out blogger. Non-pushy, non-fear-mongering planner takes over to plan her relaxed seaside soiree.

Which one do you think will make it big? What wedding shows would you like to see?