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This article, detailing the boyfriend/best friend dynamic, got me thinking about my relationship with the Mister. Are we best friends? Semi-good friends? Some dude I happen to think is cute? After some short deliberation, I quickly knew my answer.
Mr. Hamster is not my best friend. And I am not his.
Don’t get me wrong - we complement each other very well as girlfriend/boyfriend, fiancee/fiance, future wife/husband, etc. But are we best friends? No.
I’ve got my friends. He’s got his. And only occasionally the twain shall meet. He enjoys poker night, going to the driving range, and meeting for drinks with his group of guy friends - none of which is really my cup of milkshake. (Okay, I’ve gone with him to the driving range once. I was on my blackberry the entire time.) I go out shopping with my friends and talk to them about things that I don’t really discuss with the Mister, not because I wish to hide things from him, but because he’d be bored out of his mind. I mean, this guy can hold my shopping bags and open a can of soup when I’m sick - but just try to engage in a discussion about different uses for cilantro and his eyes glaze over. Likewise, I enjoy dinner-hopping with him (yes, you read that correctly) but as soon as he mentions Jim Cramer’s latest stock picks, my eyes glaze over.
To be honest, I think we both enjoy that small bit of “alone time” when the other goes out. It gives me free rein to sit in my sweats catching up with my DVRed Law & Order: SVU, or him to watch cartoons with our cat (Shh…don’t tell). And the occasional long weekend trips we take with “The Girls” or “The Boys” (for me and him, respectively - I don’t think any vice versa would be appreciated by either of us) really recharges our relationship - it’s great fun to get that post-trip download. I think it’s great to see two people that are not only a couple, but also best friends. A few of my friends fall into this category. However, Mr. Hamster and I don’t. We share things with each other that we don’t share with anyone else. But the “Best Friends” title is not one of them.
Is your significant other also your best friend?
Mrs. Cheese had a similar post - interesting viewpoint =)
I totally respect the kind of relationship you and Mr. Hamster have! I think it’s awesome that you guys are so independent. It’s definitely healthy and good for your relationship.
I definitely consider me and the Dude to be best friends. I tell him things I wouldn’t tell anyone else, and I feel closer to him that anyone. The lines of whose friends are whose have definitely blurred over the years, though there are few of his friends I’d hang out without him there and vice versa.
Yes! He is definitely my best friend.
i feel very similarly to you. mr. pug is *one* of my best friends, although of course that phrase is oxymoronic. i couldn’t call him my “best”, not because he isn’t a great friend, but more because i have other great friends as well. and i wouldn’t call those other friends “best” either. thanks for this post, when i hear others refer to their SO’s as “best”, i get kinda self-conscious.
FI is definitely my best friend. We prefer to do everything together, but make time for our group of friends. We are genuinely interested and engaged in each others hobby’s, I couldn’t tell you what a touchback is, but I am at the bar wtih him watching football on Sundays. He doesn’t know the first thing about fashion, but he’s with me at Saks giving his opinion, helping me make choices.
I totally agree. We had the conversation one day and mutually agreed that we are not each others’ best friends and it is okay.
The idea of my FI as my “best friend” makes me feel a bit creepy-crawly, though not for especially philosophical reasons. Friends are like comfy sweaters and jeans - familiar, reliable and unisex. But I want my husband to be a necktie or some cowboy boots. Articles of clothing that I would never wear and that are distinctly masculine.
My ex-boyfriend was my best friend, and it was putting too many eggs into the basket, so to speak. What was I supposed to do when we hit rough patches - if he’s my best friend AND my boyfriend, I just don’t have anywhere to turn. Sure, when it was good, it worked, but there is a reason he’s my ex-BF 
My fiance and I… I don’t know. I don’t think he is my best friend, but I am unsure if I am his, with all honesty. I don’t need my husband to be my best friend because I HAVE a best friend. We are engaged in each other’s lives and hobbies, but that is simply us supporting each other. We also have plenty of alone time (me in the living room, watching my shoes, and him in his office, watching stuff on the internet).
This is great. I actually refer to FI as my male bestie because I already had a female bestie before he was ever in the picture. We’re allowed 2 besties right?
Hm… I don’t think you have to be “best friends” with your sig other… although I think that FI probably is my best friend. I mean, there is a different kind of friendship with girls… I don’t tell him about the 30 different ways I’m thinking about getting my hair cut or bore him with details on other similarly girly endeavors. But for the big stuff, he’s the first one I call.
I totally agree with you on hanging separately sometimes. We are not a velcro couple at ALL. I need some time alone and I need some time with friends. I think that I’m better in our relationship when I am a whole person all by myself. I never want to fall back into my old habit of losing myself in a relationship… it makes me really unhappy and ultimately no fun to be with.
Mr. Peaches and my female best friend/MOH are both my best friends. They are also family members to me. I totally get what you’re saying though, I just think all of these categories overlap, and there’s no need to divide our loved ones into different boxes in our lives!
Totally agree with this post! Mr TM is not my best friend in the way that my girlfriends are my “best friends,” he’s in another category all his own…I share things with him I don’t tell my friends and there are things I tell my friends that I don’t share with him (mostly bc he’d be bored or uninterested.)
I think it’s really good to be independent and maintain a sense of self!
I think my FI is my best friend! Like moderndaisy, we do most things together, but we also have time for friends. Most of our friends are also couples, so we tend to do things as a group. I can tell him anything and likewise he can tell me anything. Sometimes I wonder if we need some independent time from each other for a healthy relationship (as many of the magazines I read advise) but we seem to do well :-). We’re so busy with school anyways and any free time we have we’d like to spend it together!
I actually posted a question about this a long time ago…I too agree that mr. junebride is NOT my “BFF” - for those couples who DO consider their SO their BFF more power to em! but that’s just not us. My BFF is my MOH - we can talk about things Mr. JuneBride and I don’t talk about and do things together he and I DON’T do…it’s just a different relationship. 
I met my BF climbing, so it’s kind of hard to get away from him since we’re both avid climbers. However, we totally get the alone time thing. I make a point to have “dates” with my girlfriends.
My FI is definitely my best friend. He’s the first one I call if something good or bad happens. And even if it’s something he doesn’t really get–like an awesome shoe sale–he’ll still be happy that I’m happy. And then I’ll call my girlfriends and talk about the shoe sale some more
Very interesting thing to think about! My guy is definitely my best friend, this became absolutely obvious when it came time to choose our bridal party. We have a lot of family in ours, and for me finding that last bridesmaid has been very hard since I don’t have a main bff girlfriend that I go to. We both have close friends outside of our relationship, but due to moving around a lot and others in different stages of their lives (ie. kids or single life) we have evolved into eachothers’ best friends. He is the only one I want to rush to to tell him something, and while we debate on certian things, we see eye to eye on most things.
My FI is definitely my best friend, but I definitely love my “me” time…he is a firefighter and works 48 straight hours then 4 straight days off…he loves doing his guy things - fishing, football, etc. etc. while I’m at work during his ‘4 day’ and I love doing whatever I want to do during his 48 hour shift. It works great for us!
I suppose I would have to get a clear definition of the word “friend” so I went to my trusted source….Dictionary.com and just looked it up. It says: a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
So yeah….my husband and I are definitely each other’s BEST friend. Are my strongest feelings for him? Absolutely. Do I have the highest personal regard for him? Yes. Does this mean he’s the one I love to go shopping with (a favorite sport of mine!)? Absolutely not!
But as you grow in your relationship - especially when you are married….you bond in ways that you and even your very closest, most intimate girfriends could never experience. And it’s the richest, most amazing friendship ever.
I definitely agree with you. Like Trail Mix, he is in a different category of his own, and we share things with each other that we don’t with other people, but like you, i don’t bore him with what the latest fashion trend is, and he doesn’t bore me with his fast money talk.
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Mrs. Hamster, New York City Age and Occupation: 28, Finance Gal Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, Finance Guy Engagement Date: March 9, 2009 Wedding Date: May 2010 Venue: The Pierre Hotel About Me: I'm an original Jersey girl living it up in the big NYC! I love baking for others, hosting brunches, and exploring NYC with my mans. Besides Mr. Hamster (of course), I'm attracted to shiny things, bold colors, snacks, matching and coordination, pork and duck fats, miniature versions of things, corny jokes and puns. We are planning a swanky Spring wedding in the heart of NYC, followed by a second reception in Singapore. From one city that never sleeps to another - I can't imagine a more exciting ride!
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