Weddingbee Blog

In about 100 days, I will need new credit cards, a new driver’s license, and a new social security card.

There are hundreds of opinions and thousands of women who have weighed in on the discussion of a person changing their name when they get married. My voice is simply one among these, but I feel compelled to share my reasons to change my name to my fiance’s when we get married. Perhaps I should be psycho-analyzing myself for why I feel compelled… but I do. Anyway.

A few weeks ago, I asked Mr. Pencils if he thought it was strange that I was going to change my name to his. His answer? “No…I mean, well, kinda. You mean, because you’re such a feminist?”

Yep. That’s exactly what I meant.

In college, I interned with a large political action committee. The organization, and women I worked with, were the essence of my beliefs. My supervisor was my girl crush—I just thought she was the bee’s knees (haha). One day in passing, my boss commented on how she disapproved of how a co-worker that was getting married would be changing her last name once married. I tucked this opinion in my back pocket and I am reminded of it every single time the name change debate arises.

For five years, I’ve digested her opinion, considered it, felt awful over it, and finally, come to terms with it. I’ve decided:

I am a feminist, and I going to change my name.

I am not selling out to “the man”, bowing down the patriarchal expectations of our society, nor am I doing this because Mr. Pencils wants me to. I want to, and as a feminist, I am making the CHOICE. And to me, that’s what true feminism and gender equality is: humans having the freedom to choose whatever they want in terms of career, love, sex, family planning, and, yes, which age-old traditions to embrace and which to discard.

I have never been overly attached to my name. I think Mama Pencils is the same way. It’s not that I don’t like my name—it’s simply quite common, and I’m used to looking up to the sound of it in crowds for my entire life. I have always believed my last name has a “harsh” tone to it, and I truly disliked being called by my last name during the duration of my soccer years.

There is one very large reason I want to change my name and it has everything to do with connection and attachment. Mr. Pencils’ father died ten years ago, and I was not blessed enough to know him before he passed. I have learned so much about him, through Mr. P’s stories, his family, and even Mr. P’s traits and actions. When Mr. Pencils and I become part of each other’s families, in law and in name, I will also be a part of his father’s family. I will be connected to this amazing man that I never got to meet. This connection means more to me than anything anyone could say against a woman changing her name. I, with Mr. P, will carry his father’s name through our family and our children. And that’s pretty frickin’ awesome.

Do you have one particular reason for changing or keeping your name?