My First Faux Pas

My First Faux Pas

February 1st, 2010 @ 9:52 am by Mrs. Ribbons
Share

It seems I have committed an etiquette faux pas. I called my mom today and she said, “Aunt So and So got your save the date today. She didn’t really know what it was. But she told me you didn’t include their last name on the envelope.”

That was true. I didn’t. Somewhere on the fine internet I saw a save the date envelope with first names only and thought, ‘oh cute, what a nice and informal way to do these.’ Well, my mom is now appalled that I don’t know how to address envelopes and that I will surely offend all of our guests. Um? Seriously?

First, I don’t get how this is an etiquette thing. I understand the logical reason to include last names: to ensure that the postal service delivers the envelope, especially if I mess up the address. However, if the envelope did get lost, no one could possibly get offended because they’d never receive the envelope to offend them in the first place. Secondly, if I have a personal relationship with someone, I kind of don’t get how using a first name on an envelope is offensive. For people I don’t have a relationship with, I used the last name because I was uncomfortable - we’re not on a first name kind of basis, you know?

So my mom is a bit angry at me because I didn’t use last names. Have you committed any grievous etiquette sins?

Tags: etiquette |

Share |

Latest Gallery Pics

Hot Pink and White with Zebra 36" Lighted Spandex Ostrich Feather Centerpiece

40 Responses to “My First Faux Pas”

1 2 Last

Member

Ms. Library (message) 1,250 posts, Bumble bee

My mom gave me the once over last night for saying that unless people are married, engaged or have been seriously dating, they won’t be allowed to bring a “plus one.” She was concerned that people will be calling to complain to her that my cousins (who for all intents and purposes are married) don’t have rings so they shouldn’t be allowed to both be there. Seriously? When did planning a wedding become a competition to get an invite?

2/1/10 @ 10:00 am (reply)

Member

Champagne Wishes (message) 1,187 posts, Bumble bee

I like the idea of being casual with the STDs… I wouldn’t have thought twice about this. I wonder if it is just a generation thing? Either way, I think it’s cute and I like it! And it’s only wrong if you offend someone and I don’t think this is offensive.

2/1/10 @ 10:03 am (reply)

Bee

Miss Snow (message) 916 posts, Busy bee

Addressing envelopes can be so tricky sometimes (as can all etiquette). I think you’re right that STDs can have a less formal address (that’s what I did too). Since I come from rather etiquette-sensitive stock (my grandma said she’d never again speak to someone if they wore white to my wedding…lol), I talked with my mom, and she helped me decide who should get the full etiquette treatment and who would be fine with more relaxed addressing.

2/1/10 @ 10:04 am (reply)

Bee

Mrs. Quiche (message) 3,157 posts, Sugar bee

People get so bent out of shape on envelopes - I don’t get it! I think first names for close friends and family is a cute idea - very personal! I wouldn’t be offended in the slightest.

2/1/10 @ 10:13 am (reply)

Member

missvintage (message) 571 posts, Busy bee

I wouldn’t sweat it! I feel like I’ve already made a few faux pas, and will probably make more before it’s all said and done. And I like the first name idea for Save the Dates!

2/1/10 @ 10:23 am (reply)

Member

worcesterbride (message) 603 posts, Busy bee

I think that’s totally cute! The fact that Aunt So and so didn’t know what a Save the Date was probably had something to do with her taking offense - it’s supposed to be a cute and casual heads up, so cute and casual addressing should be fine!

2/1/10 @ 10:24 am (reply)

Bee

Miss Giraffe (message) 4,216 posts, Honey bee

I don’t get why old school etiquette rules are such a big deal :). People break & twist the rules all the time. Why not? Especially if it makes things cute

2/1/10 @ 10:37 am (reply)

Bee

Miss Spaniel (message) 6,792 posts, Bee Keeper

I’ve probably committed the same sin. Our wedding is formal, so our invitations were formal and were addressed formally… but I didn’t see why that had to be the case for the STDs, which were *magnets*–NOT formal. They only went to some of our guests (people who we are closest to and thus wanted the dates saved!), so I didn’t bother with titles (sometimes not with last names, either). No one said anything, though.

2/1/10 @ 10:41 am (reply)

Bee

Miss Pug (message) 3,753 posts, Honey bee

i especially feel weird writing out “matthew” or “christopher” when we all know their names are matt and chris.

i didn’t use “mr.” or “mrs.” on the save the date envelopes, and my family was a little concerned and made sure that i was doing it for the invites.

2/1/10 @ 10:45 am (reply)

10.

Guest

carrie

don’t sweat it. tell your mom you didn’t intend to upset anyone. There will be lots of little decisions in the wedding planning and no matter what you do they won’t meet the expectations of everyone.

2/1/10 @ 10:48 am (reply)

11.

Guest

Golden8214

Im so over etiquette. Why do people get all pissy about these little things when the most important thing is that they are invited to a wedding of two people who love each other and want to make a committment in front of them. I am bending and breaking a lot of etiquette rules. If people dont like it, they dont have to show up. Saves me more money in the end and i will realize who i truly want to associate with.

2/1/10 @ 10:55 am (reply)

12.

Member

BirdofaFeather (message) 467 posts, Helper bee

we put last name on save the dates, but the even more grievous “faux pas” that we made (intentionally) was NOT to write formal names on the invitations. We put first and last names with no Mr. and Mrs. as we’re having a semi-formal wedding on a ranch and i wanted to play with the formality of it all!

The funny thing is, I followed all the rest of the etiquette rules, like which line the names should go on for kids and guests. I think there are better things in life to worry about! And the only people that usually get upset are moms and aunts! (I cleared it with both moms before doing the informal naming!)

2/1/10 @ 11:05 am (reply)

13.

Bee

Miss French Fries (message) 2,217 posts, Buzzing bee

We didn’t use “Mr.” or “Mrs.” on our save the dates, and I think it weirded some people out. Why, I have no idea — who really cares who it’s addressed to? It’s what on the inside that counts!

2/1/10 @ 11:06 am (reply)

14.

Member

kmattso2 (message) 1,046 posts, Bumble bee

I do that all the time….heck when I’m sending my Grandma something in the mail I put Grandma and then continue on with the address! Sometimes I just think you don’t need to follow the rules.

2/1/10 @ 11:15 am (reply)

15.

Member

amac25 (message) 289 posts, Helper bee

Some of my aunts would have been confused by a Save the Date at all probably. They are so normal to most people now, but my stepmom and an older coworker of mine were so confused by these little magnet thingies they got in the mail recently. I thought everyone had heard of them by now, but apparently not.

2/1/10 @ 11:28 am (reply)

16.

Guest

Magdalena

Actually unless you have planned/been involved in a wedding in the last three to five years you would have NO idea what a save the date is! STDs are just one of those “wedding fads.” It stinks to spend all that money and time on something, and then nobody knows what the #$% they are. Brides who read wedding blogs are the only people who do know, it seems like. From personal experience, skip them unless you want to confuse your guests.

2/1/10 @ 11:33 am (reply)

17.

Member

OCD (message) 33 posts, Newbee

My brother’s wife let him address the family envelopes and was appalled when she found out mine was addressed to “Fiance’s name and the woman” I thought it was funny and so typical of my big brother.

So don’t worry about it. People get offended way too easily.

2/1/10 @ 12:09 pm (reply)

18.

Member

LittlestBirds (message) 2,605 posts, Sugar bee

@Magdalena While it may be true that STDs were not common until recent years (I’m not sure if that’s true or not, as internet searching reveals only that in the past there were other means of announcing wedding plans, such as through “surprise” engagement parties), I don’t think it’s correct to say that the only thing they do is confuse guests. I know my grandmother has been badgering my mom about when she’s going to get the STD in the mail. I like to give people a little credit that even if they’ve somehow never heard of the little cards before, most people are capable of figuring out that “Savce the Date, we’re getting married on July 24th 2010, Mr and Ms Littlestbirds” would get the message that… they ought to save July 24 for a wedding.

Miss Ribbons, there are so many etiquette rules, and yes, the front of an envelope is one place where it suddenly becomes an 18th century Southern debutante ball as far as all the rules and formality. I got grief for addressing ours to “Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe” instead of “Mr. and Mrs. John Doe” as is correct by etiquette standards. I don’t even want to know about the sh*t that would have hit the fan if I’d tried to get away with just first names, hah! You do what you want to.

2/1/10 @ 12:27 pm (reply)

19.

Member

jmc (message) 882 posts, Busy bee

Bah! She’ll get over it. Don’t even sweat it.

2/1/10 @ 12:30 pm (reply)

20.

Bee

Mrs. Mouse (message) 5,844 posts, Bee Keeper

What’s the big deal? I only used first names on save the dates, too. It’s more informal, less stuffy. Not something to be offended by! I bet you not a single one of your guests will be offended.

2/1/10 @ 12:30 pm (reply)

1 2 Last