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Many couples simply choose to wed in the city in which they currently live. The decision is a bit more complicated for us. Even though we grew up in different cities and currently live together in a city where neither of our families live, the choice was always pretty clear. The story goes a little something like this…
Mr. Hot Wings and I had to pick which city to be wed in upon getting engaged. I was born and raised in San Diego, California. I went to college in Los Angeles, then moved to Chicago for grad school. Chicago is my current home. But he and I are actually on the job market now that we’re both nearing the end of grad school. So Chicago may not be our home come this summer.
Mr. Hot Wings was born and raised in Rockford, Illinois. He went to college in Urbana, Illinois. He then moved to Denver, Colorado to pursue his Masters and returned Chicago, Illinois for his doctorate.
Our parents still live in the cities we grew up in. So we get to choose, right? Um no. My Vietnamese parents want to invite their entire community of friends and extended kin. Mr. Hot Wings’ family is pretty accustomed to flying around the country. Future Sister in Law Hot Wings got married in Arizona, so we would not be the first. Big relief, right?
So while it was a quick question in my head, everyone else had already started to assume the wedding would be in San Diego. So it was set. Sunny San Diego indeed would be our wedding city.
I mean really, who is going to say no to a San Diego summer wedding? Sure, it will be expensive for our out of town guests. But so would a Chicago wedding. The wedding itself would be expensive in the peak summer months, as well. Again… as it would have been in Chicago. So I’m calling our wedding a semi-destination wedding. A destination for 1/2 the guests and the return to my hometown to be wed.
Did you encounter any wedding city decision making woes?
Believe it or not, we’re facing a lot of grief from guests that live in the suburbs (not even as far as Rockford, they live mostly in Elgin) who don’t want to travel into the city. But it was really important to us that we get married there, because it’s special to us, and we won’t be able to afford the rent here after undergrad, plus we’ll probably end up in Urbana for grad school.
I’d think everyone would be happy to go to San Diego, it’s so nice!
I’m doing a semi-destination wedding too, but its not in a vacation destination like San Diego! My FI and I both grew up in the same small town, but we live 3,000 miles from there currently. His parents still live in that small town, but my folks have moved about 2,000 miles away. We both went to college in separate cities (also far away) and our friends are from all over the country. No matter what, tons of people were going to have to travel, so we decided to get married in a place we both have in common and that has a lot of meaning for us - our hometown. Its tough planning from far away, but it’ll be worth it!
That’s fantastic that everyone accepted it so easily! I really wanted to get married in my hometown (which is also my FI’s hometown!), so you’d think that would be a no brainer.
However, most of his family lives in central Canada, which is also near where we now live (even though we grew up on the east coast).
Therefore everyone assumed we would get married in a place that was the most convenient for them. Never mind that my side of the family wouldn’t be able to afford to fly out there (and his side could afford to fly).
There were definitely a lot of fights and a lot of tears shed for me to get my way, but it was really important to me to get married where our roots are, and where our relationship was forged.
@lilyfaith: I hear a lot of grief from suburban folks about driving into the city too. Your pictures are going to be soo awesome though! I always admire Chicago wedding pictures.
@farmersdaughter: It really is a toughie to plan from afar. I’m totally with you.
@gill84: I’m so sorry about the fighting and tears. You are not alone on the tears in wedding planning though (especially in the beginning). Hang in there. It’ll be a fab wedding no matter what.
Chicago and San Diego are both great choices. As a guest, I would have been happy with either!!
You’ll definitely have great weather! 
I agree with the others — you had great options, but San Diego will be awesome!
We had a chart.
It included where we live now, where we grew up, where we went to school, where our families are centered, where our parents live now, where we have big clots of friends, and a couple of random sites we thought might be fun.
The up side of that was, whenever anyone whined about our choice of location, we could easily justify our decision. It seemed like overkill at the time, but man, when the grad school crowd started complaining, it was nice to have backup.
ooh, i’d love to get married in sunny san diego! we looked in nyc because that’s where we live, and in northern CA because i used to live there and a bunch of our guests live out there–for some reason, pittsburgh and dc, our hometowns, didn’t make it to the list.
That will be so awesome! I’d totally travel to San Diego for a wedding - how fun!
I’m excited to hear about your san diego wedding plans now that I live out there!
[...] Mr. Hot Wings and I teach in July. So then there was August. We knew we wanted to be married in San Diego. I already have an academic conference where I am a co-chair on the conference planning committee [...]
I’m so thankful Mr. S and I are both native Southern Californians. 
@Miss Spaniel: luccckyyy (** spoken in Napoleon Dynamite style)
Whenever the boy and I have discussions about our wedding location, we can never decide on the location. Both of us are raised in Southern California, but we both live and work in Northern California.
Both our families (and my family is HUGE!) are in Southern California, so it seems like it’d be a huge hassle and somewhat disrespectful to hold the wedding anywhere else. However, the Bay Area has a lot of sentimental value because that’s where we met and fell in love. It’s an issue we’ll probably have to talk to the family about before we decide.
I presently live in Miami….will be living in DC when we get married…fiance is from upstate NY….my family’s in the UK, Europe and the Caribbean…his family (more than 10 siblings!) is spread all over the West Coast…..so we’re making everybody fly.
Wedding in Atlanta, GA. No-one’s made a peep…yet. It may lower our RSVP numbers but at least no-one’s mad so far
@Liz: Ugh.. I totally thought about the “disrespectful” thing once for our wedding too. But after about 10 years, most people won’t even remember where your wedding was anyways right?
@tweds: Oh wow. I really hope everyone can make it. It’ll be so great for you! So many loved one from all over the world under one roof celebrating you and FI. It’s fantastic!
Sounds like it would have been just as much work for your guests no matter where you chose. I don’t know how San Diego is in August, but I do know a muggy hot Chicago August all too well. Good choice!
My choice is San Diego! My fiance and I are getting married in La Jolla during July. Most of his family is on the east coast and this will be there first time to California. San Diego is absolutely beautiful in August. It wont be too hot or muggy. Congrats!
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Mrs. Hot Wings, Chicago/San Diego Age and Occupation: 28, Professor Fiance's Age and Occupation: 32, Instructor Engagement Date: December 20, 2008 Wedding Date: August 2010 Venue: Ocean View Villas/Jasmine Seafood Restaurant About Me: I am a psychology grad student living in Chicago and planning my wedding to a fellow psych grad student. I am a Sunny So-Cal bred gal who trudged across the country to follow her love of psychology and ended up finding a partner in the process. I am overly passionate about anything I involve myself with. I am an activist, a foodie, a reality TV watching junkie, an over-analyzer, a photography obsesser, and am utterly cheesy to the core. This is a story of what happens when a boy and a girl meet, fall in love over academic dorkiness, and a shared love for life. We (mostly I) are planning our semi-destination wedding in my hometown of San Diego. We are excited to bring our families and friends together from across our lifespans to celebrate our future in a grand 400+ person culturally blended affair!
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