Dress for Tradition (Or Not)

Dress for Tradition (Or Not)

February 9th, 2010 @ 10:16 am by Mrs. Argyle
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A while back, Mom Argyle and I went wedding dress shopping for the first time. Now, I have had in my head the exact dress (okay, I have a few in my head) that I want. However, I though it would be a good idea to just go try some on and see what shapes look good (even though I know this, too).

So, I made an appointment with one of the bigger bridal shops in the area, one I knew would have many appointment slots open on a Saturday. I was excited, and took the time to go online and look at what dresses they had available so I had an idea in mind of what dresses I would want to try on. I had a pleasant bridal consultant who was very sweet, but she definitely did not understand what I was looking for. It sort of made my frustrated.

I had told her that I did not want anything poofy (I am too petite for a poofy dress). I did not want lace or beading at all. I was really looking for something fresh, chic and modern, yet classic (got that?). Basically, something simple. When we were going through all of the dresses, she kept pointing out dresses that had beading and lace. And, not just some beading and lace, A LOT of it! It was almost as if she did not hear me say, “No lace or beading.” I’m not exactly the definition of a traditional bride. There are some things I want to do differently with my dress, but not out of rebellion.

After trying on the third or fourth dress, she asked me if I wanted to put on a veil. It was then that I told her I was not going to wear a veil.

I was surprised at the reaction of not only her, but the other ladies around. They were shocked, almost as if I offended them. Then, she asked if I was going to wear a tiara. “Definitely not,” I told her. I am just not the veil or tiara type. I simply want my hair in a messy bun with a simple flower.

Anyone that knows me personally, knows I am very simple and classic. I don’t always follow tradition per se; I like to start my own sometimes.

Is it wrong of me to not want those things? I know other brides-to-be have felt this way. Does it bother you that sometimes you get a weird look for wanting to do something your way?

Tags: wedding-dress |

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54 Responses to “Dress for Tradition (Or Not)”

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Guest

Golden8214

A lot of women dont wear viels or tiaras. Ive been to a ton of weddings the past few years and only one bride wore a tiara. This is out of at least 8 weddings! Do what you want. When they get married they can wear a veil and tiara. Im wearing a hair flower. You want to be yourself on your wedding day and not what other people think is “bridal.”

2/9/10 @ 10:21 am (reply)

Bee

Miss Sewing (message) 2,701 posts, Sugar bee

i’m a big supporter of doing what you want! I love hair flowers, and your idea of simple and fresh sounds lovely!

2/9/10 @ 10:29 am (reply)

Member

wired_kat (message) 45 posts, Newbee

The way I see it is do what you want…it’s your day and you shouldn’t have to please anyone else but yourself.

2/9/10 @ 10:32 am (reply)

Member

D.Marie (message) 2,484 posts, Buzzing bee

That really stinks that she didnt listen to you. THis was your first time looking for a dress and because of her it wasnt a great experience. I had a tiara put on my head by the dress lady and I hated it! I love my veil though lol! But Im looking for a sparkly headband to wear for the reception. My mom kept saying, “Why are you having a big wedding, why dont you just buy a house instead?” Well mom its not that big and we will buy a house after we get married!

I love that you are doing you’re own thing and cant wait to see more!

2/9/10 @ 10:32 am (reply)

Member

AprilBride10 (message) 528 posts, Busy bee

Do what makes you comfortable! My first words to my consultant about my dress were ‘no sparkles, no pearls, no beads, and no lace’. It narrows down the options some, but that was fine for me!

2/9/10 @ 10:32 am (reply)

Member

gill84 (message) 725 posts, Busy bee

I had a very similar experience! It was like the sales lady was not capable of believing that when I said no lace, no beading, I meant it.

In the end I ended up having to pick out a few items for her before she got the drift, because she kept showing me plenty of things that were covered in both.

Good luck to you on the rest of your search (unless you’re saving the happy ending for a follow-up post?) - and I don’t think there is anything at all shocking about not wearing a veil/tiara.

2/9/10 @ 10:33 am (reply)

Bee

Miss Seashell (message) 1,713 posts, Bumble bee

Sometimes this stuff makes me nutty - why is there this push to have every bride look the same? I totally support your decision to skip the veil.

My best friend went without veil and it was definitely the right choice. It just simply wasn’t her style.

2/9/10 @ 10:36 am (reply)

Member

Teaserama (message) 236 posts, Helper bee

I don’t want to do a veil b/c they are annoying and I don’t like the tradition behind them. That saying it seems important to my FI. So I am still undecided on it.. meh.

2/9/10 @ 10:36 am (reply)

Bee

Miss Argyle (message) 2,516 posts, Sugar bee

@D.Marie: Luckily we were able to find a great dress option while there - but it did leave a bit of a bad taste in my mouth.

@gill84: I ended up having to pull a few items as well for her to get the point!

@Teaserama: Maybe try a birdcage veil? Although it is still a veil, it’s a bit more trendy and not bulky! Mrs. Sea Breeze makes some pretty ones!

2/9/10 @ 10:42 am (reply)

10.

Member

rachelss (message) 1,133 posts, Bumble bee

Everyone I know says they ended up with a dress they didn’t think they’d like. Not true for me. The shop owner laughed when I walked out with exactly the dress I described when I walked in - princess seamed, elegant, with a (subtle lace) overlay, and not cheap-looking polyester (it’s by Christos if you’re curious). Seriously - what’s with all the dresses being empire waists? If you aren’t getting good customer service go elsewhere - dress shopping should be a fun and fabulous experience.

2/9/10 @ 10:42 am (reply)

11.

Member

Miss_Riley (message) 428 posts, Helper bee

I didn’t think I wanted to wear a veil but after trying one on I really liked it. I decided wear a simple single layer fingertip veil for the ceremony but will promptly remove if for fear of all the neck breaking stories I’ve been told (people snap your neck back when they hug you because they pull down on the veil which is obviously attached to your head).

Way to stick up for your look and what is right for you!

2/9/10 @ 10:43 am (reply)

12.

Bee

Miss French Fries (message) 2,217 posts, Buzzing bee

I think that not wearing a tiara/veil is becoming more and more popular, and if that’s your decision, they should have supported it! Brides are not cookie cutter replicas of each other — I wish people realized this and embraced it!

2/9/10 @ 10:43 am (reply)

13.

Member

o0olibelulao0o (message) 1,859 posts, Buzzing bee

when I was engaged before I wasn’t going to wear a veil, and his mother was HORRIFIED! I mean, she is a very controlling person (bless her heart she means the best) but she was trying to talk me into it, AND having a rehearsal (which I am dead set against not having, the dinner I will gladly do.) Oh and when the ex and I were just dating she insisted that I walk at my college graduation (which I hate being infront of people and barely wanted to do it for my HIGH SCHOOL… no thank you!

So ya see, I am not very traditional… Although with the guy I’m with now, I am going to wear a veil… I’ve kind of gotten this romantic vision for our wedding (if we ever get engaged lol) instead of the super casual affair I originally wanted…

2/9/10 @ 10:43 am (reply)

14.

Member

kayakgirl73 (message) 2,124 posts, Buzzing bee

YOur not not nuts at all. That lady should have kept her opinions to her self.

2/9/10 @ 10:43 am (reply)

15.

Member

ejs4y8 (message) 14,581 posts, Bee Keeper

haha, St Louis is pretty “traditional” and I can totally see them bucking you a little bit of that.

Have you found your dress? I had really great success at Claire’s…they were so so so nice and really accommodating.

I totally agree with a birdcage! That would be so chic and trendy! Or, just go for a pair of really rockin’ earrings; you could totally pull it off. I’m a major sucker for some really gorgeous blue ones, although I didn’t jump on that bandwagon.

2/9/10 @ 10:44 am (reply)

16.

Guest

Jill

Ok, we can sort of anticipate a bridal store expecting a veil. But it has never occurred to me to think of TIARAS as an iconic bridal thing. But really, they need to get with it already. Aren’t bridal people supposed to be catering to the bride, not the other way round?

2/9/10 @ 10:50 am (reply)

17.

Bee

Miss Hamster (message) 4,045 posts, Honey bee

I think it’s ridiculous that the sales person didn’t listen to what you wanted! We should all wear what we want - no veil, big floofy veil - it’s all these differences that makes each wedding interesting

2/9/10 @ 10:51 am (reply)

18.

Bee

Miss Argyle (message) 2,516 posts, Sugar bee

@o0olibelulao0o: I got a similar reaction from the lady at the shop!

@ejs4y8: You are so right! And, I do have my dress - I just need to get it altered!

2/9/10 @ 10:51 am (reply)

19.

Guest

miss_ranuculus

It is not wrong at all. You have to go with your own personal style. You’re the one who has to feel comfortable and beautiful on your big day! I am the same way. People were shocked when I said no veil. It was always followed by, “oh, then you want to wear a tiara, right?” …uh, no.

I am happy with nothing. I might have some flowers or feathers in my hair, but I am not committed and I certainly do not want it to be so princessy. My dress ended up the same. Just a classic white silk dress with no beads, lace, etc.

2/9/10 @ 10:52 am (reply)

20.

Bee

Miss Pug (message) 3,753 posts, Honey bee

i don’t know if she thought you were using “no lace or beads” as some kind of code for “absolutely lace and beads yes yes”, but that is very frustrating and a little disappointing that she didn’t “get” you and be supportive of whatever decisions you made about your bridal attire.

2/9/10 @ 10:54 am (reply)

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