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I’m a sensitive girl. I cry at commercials and take things too personally. I know this about myself (self-awareness is a biotch!) but it’s not an easy character trait to change. I’m working on it but I’ve got a long way to go.
Just call me Miss Cries-A-Lot!
So you’ll understand why I cried when I found out another one of my bridesmaids won’t be able to attend my shower.
It was an honest mistake and I know she feels badly about the whole thing but it still hurts to think about her not being there. Two bridesmaids - One shower = A sad Trail Mix.
I’ve come to the realization during the wedding planning process that rejection is inevitable. This is a somewhat irrational feeling, though. Obviously, not everyone will be able to attend every single event (and I’ve been totally spoiled with several soirees related to the engagement/wedding). But whenever I get a “No” RSVP to anything, it’s hard not to feel personally rejected.
The normal, rational, calm, smart side of my brain says, “Trail Mix, cool it. You can’t have everyone there for every single event. It’s just the way it works. Get over it and stop being a silly, sensitive girl about these things.” But then the crazy, emotional (dare I say it? No, I shan’t… Let’s just say sometimes I remind myself of a certain bridal Japanese monster whose two-syllable name rhymes with “Side” and “Killah”) side of my brain takes over and I cry and think, ‘WAAAAH! I just want everyone that I love there! It’s my wedding and my friends and I JUST WANT IT TO BE HOW I WANT IT!’ Usually, my rational side manages to quell my crazy side before I can do any real damage but it’s always a heated internal debate.
Proof that once again, no one cares as much about your wedding as you do? Possibly (OK, fine, in my case it’s totally true). But I don’t think that’s really the issue here. Life gets in the way of these events, random things pop up, which most of the time I like to think I’m understanding about. But sometimes, it just sucks.
I find myself repeating the cliche mantra of “It’s not you, it’s me” over and over when it comes to RSVPs. Just because someone cannot attend one of my wedding event, does not mean that they do not love me or do not want to come. Like I said before, life gets in the way, I totally understand that.
I know I’m not the only one experiencing this, I’ve seen lots of posts related to the issue during my tenure here on the ’Bee. So I’m curious to know, how do you deal with the “personal rejection” feelings? Are you sensitive about these things like I am? Or are you better than that and able to accept that life gets in the way without taking it personally?
I feel the same way! Our invitations went out a few weeks ago and everytime I get a “declines with regret” card, it makes me a little sad. Especially when it comes from a relative who went to my cousin’s wedding a few years ago. I get all pouty and whine “They went to L’s wedding, why can’t the come to mine!”
Awww. 
I feel this way even when I get declines from people I barely know (parents’ friends), so I feel your pain!
I’m sensitive too. I hate when people tell me to just “change”–yeah, well, I’d like to tell them to “change” their cold hearts sometimes too.
I’m not getting married until September so it’s too far out to get RSVPs 
But I’m sure I’ll have the same feelings at first and then realize I need to just accept it and go on. I think that since you are aware of how you feel and react that’s a good thing. Just try to keep that at the front of your mind when you go to open another RSVP so you don’t use too many tissues.
I was upset about getting “no’s” for a while until I started getting closer and closer to the amount of people we were hoping would be the max number of guests to the wedding. Then I started getting scared everyone would come…I did a little happy dance when I got a no! Isn’t that awful? At least most of the “no’s” I got were either from obligitory invites or out-of-state guests we knew weren’t going to come….Still getting yes’s and we’ve got about 2 weeks to go!
We haven’t gotten to that point yet, so I’m not sure how I’ll handle it. Although, I’m sure I’ll be a bit disappointed.
We haven’t sent out invites or anything yet, so I don’t know how I’ll feel! I am totally the type to get sad about that sort of thing, though.
thanks for being honest about this, trail mix. even though we know that things happen and not everyone will come, i think there’s a little part in most of us that’s like “why can’t they?” i’m sorry she won’t be at your shower, but i’m sure you’ll have a wonderful time!
I know what you mean. I have a BM who lives in Houston and I always knew she’d be coming to the Bach party instead of the shower (which I def prefer), but am still sad knowing she won’t make it.
I’m sensitive, too…It’s hard. There’s so much expectation and build up…I’ve been super-emotional through this whole process… yuck!
happened to me this last weekend, but 4 of my BMs couldn’t make it! i was fine because i know life happens and a shower isn’t do or die. i was more upset about the people that RSVP’d yes and never showed!
all in all though, i felt so loved on even with my missing people!
I think though, what you said about no one caring about your wedding as much as you has some weight to it. I feel like I’m constantly buried waist deep in wedding planning and am amazed (and slightly hurt) when someone I haven’t spoken to in a while doesn’t bring it up within the first five minutes of our conversation. I feel like saying, ‘hello! interesting wedding planning going on over here!’ But I guess they have their own lives too, and we just have to respect that our wedding might not be at the top of their list all the time.
I try to take it in stride! Like… I think 2/3 bridesmaids can’t make it to my shower. (One is still trying I think…) But I kinda try to roll with it and I’m helping plan it. Not traditional but… oh well! Better than not having one? haha. And out of my list of 30 ladies for the shower, only 5-10 will prolly show cause a large majority of my list are out of towners. Just gotta roll with it!
I know what you mean - I just had two very close friends tell me that they wouldn’t be able to come to the wedding for reasons that I don’t quite understand. I am trying not to take it personally, but it’s hard.
Oh Trail Mix! I totally feel you! I just found out that one of my best friends from college cannot come to our wedding because one of her other friends, who had specifically asked when our wedding was, planned her wedding for the same day and made my friend a bridesmaid so she would have to come to hers instead of mine! I’ve been throwing myself quite the pity party, let me tell you! But…it’s my wedding and I’ll cry if I want to!
I feel that this is happening to me in reverse my moh got engaged after me and is getting married before me and she said o I dont think you will be able to make it to my bachelorette party without setting a date or seeing when I would be away!!
It is hard to remember that people don’t care about your wedding the same way you do! I forget that all the time!
I know about this. I had a friend who lived overseas that I really thought was going to come to our wedding. The excuse that she and her boyfriend gave was that they were going on vacation. Fine, I guess although we gave everyone 8 months notice through an STD (we had a lot of international invites). I got over it but it was hard (btw, she gave three months’ notice for her wedding in Italy). People are going to do what they’re going to do, but don’t think that they don’t care.
I know that its hard when people can’t come to events we’ve planned as brides, and I totally agree with BirdsofaFeather when she said its worse when people RSVP yes and then don’t show. But don’t forget the enormous pressure we put on bridesmaids and friends to attend everything… I think that spoken and unspoken pressure makes it very hard on friends/family. I’ve been a bridesmaid for brides who guilt-tripped me really strongly for missing their shower or bachelorette party, despite me living out of town. Because of this, I intentionally did NOT invite any of my bridesmaids to my showers unless it was in their town. I also didn’t have a bachelorette party, because I thought it placed an undue amount of pressure on my girlfriends, many of whom were already travelling and/or taking time off of work for the wedding.
I sympathize with how much you want every person at every event, but don’t forget about how badly those people feel, without you posting about it online.
@Cristin: You make a valid point but in this case, the shower (and bachelorette) are in the same city where the bridesmaid lives, so travelling isn’t a problem…
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Mrs. Trail Mix, New York Age and Occupation: 26, PE Teacher Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, MBA Student Engagement Date: March 2009 Wedding Date: June 2010 Venue: Tannery Pond at the Darrow School About Me: I'm a country girl who somehow found herself living in the Big Apple and loving every minute of it. I'm planning a rustic, country-chic wedding in my hometown in upstate New York and it's going to be a Party with a capital P. White wine, flea markets and running keep me happy and my friends, family and fiance are my world. I'm a little bit crafty, a little bit crazy but mostly just crazy in love.
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