Wedding: Waking and Sleeping

Wedding: Waking and Sleeping

February 13th, 2010 @ 1:05 pm by Mrs. Ribbons
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Over the weekend, I had my first wedding dream. It was actually really pleasant — the ceremony was in some sort of lush outdoor amphitheater, large pink lanterns were hanging everywhere by gleaming gold chains (real gold! In this economy!). The flowers were blooming and I was even a two-dress bride! I woke up thinking that went surprisingly well, since of course I’ve been silently dreading the wedding mishaps that are surely awaiting me. And then I remembered: I don’t have two dresses. That was not at all real. Blast.

I’ve had plenty of waking nightmares about the wedding. I think that some of my vendors will hate my wedding. That half the things I make will be forgotten in DC or misplaced by the staff. That we just won’t finish… planning.

Part of my anxiety stems from the way I approach important events/deadlines/anything: with procrastination. I know I put things off as much as possible. So far I’ve put off buying our wedding bands, helping Ribs with the rest of his wedding day outfit, researching activities for our honeymoon, setting the reception menu, getting sheet music for the ceremony, buying various decorations, finishing DIY projects, and generally making progress on the wedding.

I’m definitely starting to see the appeal of wedding planners. I’m getting more and more anxious as each week passes and I feel like I’ve accomplished less and less. I know that we can get married in June without all of the above mentioned things, but that’s not the point, now is it? We want the frivolity, the pointless tactile extras that make us feel more connected to the day, because really, we know the day doesn’t last and what’s left are some pictures and unused swizzle sticks. And maybe half a candy buffet, if you’re lucky. You get rings and you get married. And then you’re the same as everyone else.

So I’m anxious and procrastinating but having lovely dreams about my fake wedding. I don’t know what it all means. I want the day to come and I want it to be as far away as possible.

I have a pack of tissue paper on my desk, waiting to be turned into poms that will perch atop swizzle sticks. I’ve already noted the absurdity of that. But I will make them, if only to have a few left over to remind me of the wedding. Or maybe I want to be reminded of wedding planning. I don’t really know.

Do you have mixed feelings sometimes about the wedding planning process?

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11 Responses to “Wedding: Waking and Sleeping”

Member

Beach Bunny (message) 14 posts, Newbee

The swizzle sticks comment reminds me of my girlfriend. She had a bunch left over after her wedding so she brought them into school and her grade 7 students used them in a science experiment as stirring sticks.

2/13/10 @ 2:59 pm (reply)

Guest

Magdalena

I definitely have mixed feelings. I think sometimes the “planning process” can really take center stage when you are getting ready to be married- and even wonderful things like Weddingbee can contribute to that! Then when the wedding is over you feel deflated because the planning is over. PWD anybody?

I remember speaking to my cousin Amy who got married a couple years ago - she smiled and told me that planning is a lot of fun, but even three months after her wedding, she started to feel the whole planning thing was kind of dumb.

She put all this pressure on herself to have a really beautiful magazine-worthy event that would photograph beautifully, really styled to the max, and in the end the “stuff” and “details” she accumulated didn’t really matter. Nobody gave a crap, SHE didn’t give a crap. She spent a lot of time and money though.

For instance she really didn’t care about the really cute handmade napkin rings she worked so hard on, and she said she had a hard time remembering why she ever cared. She initially kept a few as souvenirs but she wound up throwing them out, because she didn’t have much use for them. Same thing with her STDs. She had SO much fun making them, but nobody knew what the heck they were (except me and my sister!) and she wound up feeling like they were kind of a waste of time. I think she hung onto some of those just to remember how much fun she had while planning…

In her case she kind of got sick of it even before the wedding day - I remember my grandmother trying to get her to pick out napkins and she said she was “so over” planning her wedding.

I think it’s healthier when you’re engaged to try to keep the focus on the upcoming marriage instead of the upcoming wedding. To me it feels kind of IMPOSSIBLE to do that, but the truth is we put so much emphasis on event planning and hardly any on planning the marriage.

2/13/10 @ 6:06 pm (reply)

Bee

Mrs. Mouse (message) 5,844 posts, Bee Keeper

You’re right. That stuff is important b/c this is the only time you ever get to do it! Enjoy the planning. It seriously will be over way too soon.

2/13/10 @ 7:33 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Trail Mix (message) 6,328 posts, Bee Keeper

Um, yes. All the time. That’s cool you’re having good dreams about the wedding, mine have been bad, all bad…

2/13/10 @ 10:48 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Cheeseburger (message) 1,020 posts, Bumble bee

um, yes. half of the things I make/plan/do I know that only I will notice, BUT I also have made sure that our photographer will at least document their existence… that way, many years from now, I can say “look at how crazy mommy was, kids - she made 280 napkin rings!”

but seriously, I have YET to have a happy wedding dream, mine are all nightmares - so at least you had a lovely one!

2/14/10 @ 12:18 am (reply)

Member

DrHollyCat (message) 46 posts, Newbee

I’ve been having more anxiety-ridden dreams lately as my date is drawing near…it also doesn’t help that I look at wedding websites right before bed! (or my Weddingwire app on my iPhone–good one, especially for the checklist part). And now my FI had a nightmare that I told him we’re switching our venue at the last minute (and he has pretty much no responsibilities in the planning!). I guess it could be worse

2/14/10 @ 6:19 am (reply)

Member

NurseK (message) 162 posts, Blushing bee

I get anxious any time money is mentioned (we are paying for the majority ourselves), and then I get mad at myself for getting anxious! Crazy girl. I just have to keep the important parts in focus, I am getting to marry a man I absolutely love, and all of our most favorite people will be there to share it with us. I know that Everyone gets stressed out about their wedding plans, but everyone I know says that it was worth it.

2/14/10 @ 10:38 am (reply)

Guest

Golden8214

I have a ton of these dreams now that the wedding is getting closer. Some are good, some are scary. I think its my mind anticipating the wedding. I have a wedding planner and things are running along smoothly but the dreams always find something wrong (like a lotto machine drawing at our reception or wedding band is gaudy). Dont worry about it. Everything will turn out beautifully

2/14/10 @ 12:25 pm (reply)