Traditionalist or Rebel?

Traditionalist or Rebel?

February 15th, 2010 @ 10:16 am by Mrs. Hot Wings
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Weddings can be quite the beast. All of a sudden, parents who haphazardly follow tradition can quickly become the guardians of all things traditional. This is certainly how it has been going down in the Hot Wings’ familia. I always knew Mama Hot Wings would want me to stick to many of her traditional Vietnamese ways: tea ceremonies, Vietnamese ao dai, a gigantic guest list, Asian food, etc. But some of the little details she decided to argue with me about came as a complete surprise.

Our biggest fight to date, you ask? Shark Fin Soup! Who would’ve thunk it, right?

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Apparently, Shark Fin Soup is a symbol of wealth. Symbolically, that didn’t really matter to me.

My mom found that completely unacceptable. She felt that people expected it and people would look down on our family if we didn’t serve it. To be honest, it doesn’t even taste good. It’s a salty mess in my opinion. But because I don’t agree with the killing of sharks for their fins, I would not let down. We will be serving Abalone Crab soup instead. Equal in price, not as big of an environmental hazard.

Here are some other “traditions” we’re foregoing.

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(1) Bouquet Toss

I personally don’t love the bouquet toss. This is especially true when you’re a bridesmaid and expected to “want” to catch it. We’re thinking of doing an anniversary dance instead.

Traditionalist or Rebel? : wedding traditions Image3 image

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(2) Garter Toss

This is fun for most people, but I’m not sure about having Mr. Hot Wings get hot and heavy up my dress in front of Grammies and aunts/uncles I haven’t seen since I was a kid. We’ll save that for the wedding night.

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(3) Best Man & Woman of Honor Speeches

We’re actually going to have these speeches done right after our ceremony before going to the reception because our ceremony will be more intimate with approximately 80 people. Our reception will have a whopping 400+ people! Vietnamese people (or maybe just any bilingual wedding that large) are notorious for not being quiet during these speeches. Who can blame them? If you can’t understand what people are saying, you get bored, right? So we think this will help with making the speeches more memorable and easier to give for our besties.

Our acts of “rebellion” represent us as a couple but also represent some of the practicalities of having a culturally-mixed wedding. These are just some of our changes.

Are you doing things more by the book or being more rebellious?

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24 Responses to “Traditionalist or Rebel?”

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Member

Goldilocks1107 (message) 2,504 posts, Sugar bee

I’m also forgoing the bouquet toss - we really don’t have that many single lady friends. So, we’re going to do the bouquet dance (I’m assuming it’s the same as the anniversary dance).

2/15/10 @ 10:28 am (reply)

Bee

Ms Potato Chips (message) 1,193 posts, Bumble bee

You rebel! The garter toss has always weirded me out too; that was definitely nixed!

2/15/10 @ 10:41 am (reply)

Bee

Miss Argyle (message) 2,516 posts, Sugar bee

So glad you nixed the bouquet and garter toss - we did, too. I’m definitely not a fan at all!

Good call on the speeches with such a big wedding party!

2/15/10 @ 11:00 am (reply)

Member

auddurz91 (message) 124 posts, Blushing bee

We are having the best man and maids of honor give toasts at the rehersal dinner instead of at he reception.

2/15/10 @ 11:10 am (reply)

Member

char31 (message) 14 posts, Newbee

I’m doing a faux shark fin soup! Instead of shark fin, we’re using cellophane noodles for its gelatinous qualities. Nice and inexpensive too! We’re not trying to pass it off as real or anything. It’s just a fun play on tradition.

2/15/10 @ 11:26 am (reply)

Bee

Miss Cheeseburger (message) 1,020 posts, Bumble bee

ooooh I’m joining you in rebellion. No tosses for us either and no weird dances!

2/15/10 @ 11:32 am (reply)

Bee

Miss Cardigan (message) 8,645 posts, Bee Keeper

Yeah, we’re nixing the garter toss and bouquet toss too - the garter toss just makes me uncomfortable!!!!!

2/15/10 @ 11:34 am (reply)

Guest

Carolyn

I am really pleased to hear you stood your ground with the soup. There are traditions in every culture that need to adjust to a changing world and it is people like you that will change it! Thank you!

2/15/10 @ 11:38 am (reply)

Bee

Miss Pudding (message) 1,180 posts, Bumble bee

I know what you mean! Polish people like to talk through the speeches as well….the MC often has to shush them!

2/15/10 @ 11:39 am (reply)

10.

Bee

Miss Scissors (message) 7,343 posts, Bee Keeper

Good call on the soup. I wish I were better at holding firm with my decisions sometimes.

I’m rebellious for this area just in the sheer style of the wedding. Everything around here tends to be very cookie cutter, and, well, we’re sort of going balls out.

I haven’t even thought about speeches! I wish we could avoid that one… it makes me so nervous.

2/15/10 @ 12:01 pm (reply)

11.

Bee

Mrs. Hot Cocoa (message) 2,077 posts, Buzzing bee

Shark fin soup was what led us to toss the Chinese banquet idea all together. I could not convince my mom that we could have a Chinese banquet without shark fin, abalone, giant roasted pig, etc., without looking cheap. Sigh.

2/15/10 @ 12:04 pm (reply)

12.

Member

Danish_Student (message) 396 posts, Helper bee

It’s so great that you’re thinking about the environment and the sharks getting hunted just for their fins. Thumbs up!

2/15/10 @ 1:32 pm (reply)

13.

Member

tea (message) 7,263 posts, Bee Keeper

good call on the soup. i’ve never had shark fin soup but it always made me sad that they couldn’t find a use for the entire shark.

2/15/10 @ 1:50 pm (reply)

14.

Guest

Stefani

I love shark fin soup… yum. But I understand your reasons for not having it as part of your wedding.

2/15/10 @ 3:03 pm (reply)

15.

Bee

Miss Pencils (message) 1,027 posts, Bumble bee

I think you’ve made some logical choices in what to forego. Though I personally think the tosses can be great fun if done in good spirit, I totally understand cutting them out and good call on shark fin soup- not worth killing all those sharks!

2/15/10 @ 3:40 pm (reply)

16.

Bee

Miss Pug (message) 3,753 posts, Honey bee

you gotta do what works for you and makes you feel comfortable! we are foregoing some stuff, but more out of laziness. it’s our wedding theme.

2/15/10 @ 6:37 pm (reply)

17.

Guest

Zoe

I love shark fin soup, but really wouldn’t care one way or the other if it was served at my wedding. Yours is a totally respectable decision and a great compromise!

2/15/10 @ 10:16 pm (reply)

18.

Bee

Miss Spaniel (message) 6,792 posts, Bee Keeper

We’re doing toasts and the bouquet toss, but I feel you on the rest.

2/15/10 @ 10:46 pm (reply)

19.

Member

DrHollyCat (message) 46 posts, Newbee

We’re also skipping the bouquet and garter toss (not wearing a garter…it sort of weirds me out!). Good call on skipping the shark fin soup; it’s not a very socially responsible meal (kinda like veal, but not quite as horrific)!

2/16/10 @ 6:32 am (reply)

20.

Member

mrspaetz (message) 3,805 posts, Honey bee

Totally rebellious. We put up little signs on our Chinese banquet tables explaining why we were not serving sharks’ fin soup, and I guess we still had some relatives gossiping about us not following tradition and being miserly! sheeeesh!

2/16/10 @ 12:10 pm (reply)

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