- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee Blog
Have any of you brides out there had the same feeling? You know, the one you get when you tell a potential vendor you picked someone else?
It is heart wrenching. Maybe I’m alone on this one, but I feel like the scum of the earth. I figured, out of courtesy, it would be nice to drop all of the vendors I spoke and/or met with to let them know that I was not going with them.
I am definitely not feeling regret with any of the decisions we have made with regards to the wedding to date. I love our venues, our photographer and our day of coordinator. They are fantastic and wonderful and a perfect match for Mr. Argyle and I, and our vision for the wedding.
We booked our photographer back in May 2009. To be nice, I sent a nice little e-mail to the few photographers I met with to let them know I truly appreciated their time and still admire their work, but that we chose a different photographer. I felt like I was canceling a date or blowing someone off.
I know I should not look at it this way. I know they all get a TON of inquiries regarding availability and meet with several brides/grooms and that there will be other opportunities for them. It is just the thought of them (and this is coming from a business standpoint), opening that e-mail to get a note about a closed business opportunity.
Am I alone on this one? Has anyone else thought about how vendors feel when you go another route?
I feel the exact same way. Eventhough it often isn’t personal you can’t help but feel that you turn them down.
Definitely went through this! I felt guilty for not choosing them and like I had to make an excuse for why I chose someone else! I wasnt sure at first if I should contact them to let them know, but I was on another LI bride website and put the question out there - what is the proper thing to do?
Some vendors wrote back and stated they appreciated a response either way, b/c some of them, really put their heart and energy into every customer.
So, yeah - I usually try to do the courtesy, “Thank you for your time, but we chose someone else.”
I still feel like I’m cheating on them, lol
Oh I totally felt the same way! But do think it’s important to let them know you went with someone else even though it’s hard. I hate disappointing people! Even my random wedding non-vendors, apparently.
I hear ya! I always felt bad too, but reminded myself I am sure they appreciate being told your decision, that way they aren’t left wondering, or spending time to write/call to follow up.
Oh, definitely! I always feel bad. But I think they do appreciate knowing one way or the other!
I totally feel this way too! I am a VERY friendly person and I feel like I end up having a connection with these people and then I feel awful when I end up going with someone else! I actually am trying to keep up with a photographer we didn’t go with because I love her so much! Haha. I do think they are used to it though. I probably get more attached then them! I think it is very nice of you to contact them and let them know. As awkward as it may be…
Yeah - it’s hard.
On the other hand, you really are being considerate. You are saving them time from following up with you and potentially holding dates for you.
It really is like breaking up with someone. It’s not fun and it’s really uncomfortable, but in the end it’s better than being left wondering or having the guy who goes MIA.
I’ve found that vendors really do appreciate your candid feedback too (on why you chose someone else over them). They are looking to improve/grow/be competitive and any feedback is usually appreciated. Obviously if it’s done tastfully.
I am with you to the MAX. The same thing happened with our photography!! It’s so hard because I feel like vendors can become quick friends when you start talking and emailing. Then it’s like the BIG let down when you have to just start planning with one!
I wish I could hire multiples of people!
i definitely felt guilty about it. some vendors wrote back a very sweet response, some were like “whatever you melodramatic self-centered bride”, and some didn’t respond at all. but it made me feel better to do it the nice way and let them know.
YES! I had to tell some great wedding planners that we were going with another group and it took me a full day to gain the courage to do it! Thankfully our wedding planner does it now so I dont have to, but I STILL feel guilty! THe FI keeps telling me “its a business, not a friendship” but I cant help it!
I only contacted the one vendor that I met with and then didn’t go with. If I just inquired regarding pricing, I didn’t think that a follow-up was necessary. It was hard to contact the one vendor though. Although, in that case, it was a matter of price. I told him that he was certainly worth every penny, but we couldn’t work it out budget-wise. He was very appreciative and understood our position, but I still feel bad about “wasting” his time.
I have a really hard time with this too. I always send out the “it’s not you, it’s me” emails and it’s so hard when people respond back and ask why. I understand why they do it- and I appreciate that they are trying to get constructive feedback- but it’s agonizing to come up with something to write that doesn’t hurt someone’s feelings. Sometimes the only reason is that you liked someone else better (this is what happened with the DOCs) and you can’t really say that without it being personal. Glad to know I’m not the only one :)!
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! I thought I was nuts. Too much of a people pleaser or something. But the 1st photographer I met with was super sweet, offered me an amazing deal, and I met her children for goodness sake. But I fell in love with someone else’s pictures. Then I awkwardly asked them how to break up with my other potential photographer…lol. Everyone was very sweet and professional about my craziness.
I feel the same way. I hate it when I have to tell someone that I’ve gone a different direction. Which is rather ironic, because I’m a professional and I run my own business and i prefer people to tell me when they’ve hired someone else and it doesn’t bother me at all. But i still feel bad when I have to do it to someone else.
I totally agree! I was actually really glad when my date changed to a date the first photographer I met with was already booked, then I wasn’t picking someone else over them. I didn’t feel as bad for venues and larger companies, it feels worse when it’s an individual.
As a wedding photographer it is kind of hard when a client seems really excited about you and then goes with someone else, I always wonder why, just because I want to make sure I’m doing my best and that I’m providing people with what they want. But I really want people to feel like they’ve made the right choice with their vendors, something that fits them, not just settling. It’s best when both sides just take a deep breath and move on! It’s no big deal!
I think I’m a wedding planning freak, or just really easy to please, or I’m going to have a horrible wedding, but everyone I met with–I booked. As in, I researched photographers and found one I thought was a STEAL, so I called her, she agreed to meet with us that weekend, we looked through all her stuff, went home, talked about it, called her up, and booked her. Same with the caterer (minus the steal part, we apparently have expensive food tastes). Same with my dress. I’ve just gone full steam ahead in one direction and so I haven’t had to tell a single person “no.” I should probably be nervous about that, but I’m so super happy with all of our decisions, that I can’t find the “nervous” in me. Am I lucky? Or dumb? Haha, oh well…..I think it’s really fabulously nice of you to contact all your vendors and let them know!
I hear ya. I love the commercial for AllState insurance - they will “do the breaking up for you” — to let your current insurance provider know you won’t be needing their services any longer!
I totally agree that it’s hard, but lately I’ve had a hard time getting vendors to respond at all, so I don’t feel as bad telling them “hey, it took you three days to respond to this initial email, so I’d hate to think of what would happen once you had my money in hand already…”
To Kmsull’s point - I recently broke up with a makeup artist I never even met with b/c she took several days to return my phone calls and respond to my emails! When I called to reschedule our original appointment, she took 3 days to call back and left me a weird vm saying she had something else to do anyway so she wouldn’t have been able to make it in the 1st place. I was like ?? She finally called ME on Friday to see if we were ‘on’ this past Sat as she knew I had a hair trial, I was like thanks but no thanks. Good luck and we’ll call you if we need you. Def don’t want to deal with the stress of a non-responsive vendor on my wedding day.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Mrs. Argyle, St. Louis Age and Occupation: 24, Project Coordinator Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Pilot Engagement Date: February 15, 2009 Wedding Date: September 2010 Venue: Jewel Box in Forest Park and Windows on Washington About Me: I'm a true Midwestern girl (born and raised), lover of red wine, reality TV and the entire J.Crew catalog. I love to dance regardless of who is watching, and enjoy a good laugh with my girls. I have a soft spot in my heart for planet Earth, my two dogs and my fiance. Fall is my favorite season (which is why we are marrying in September), but I love a warm summer day and the Colorado mountains in the winter. We are planning a modern soiree downtown, with lots of bold colors, and fun, eco-friendly elements.
| Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 29 | 30 | 31 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |
| 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 |
| 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 |
| 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 |
| 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 |
Latest Gallery Pics