Weddingbee Blog

My biggest fear during my daily commute comes at night, after the sun has set. There tends to be deer all over the fields, rolling hills and backyards of the back roads. My biggest fear is hitting a deer.

I’ve sat on this post for a while now, debating if I had enough courage to share it. In all honesty, this wedding planning and marriage stuff has brought up real fears. Fears about things before the wedding, fears about the wedding itself, and fears about marriage and our life after this ONE DAY that we’ve spent two years planning.

I fear that I’ve chosen the wrong colors, the wrong seasons, the wrong date. I fear that I’ve chosen the wrong dress, the wrong venue, the wrong food.

I fear that sharing these things with you all will make you think that I’m just a silly girl, worried about superficial things like my dress and date.

I fear that I won’t lose the ten pounds I need to so that my dress slides nicely over my hips. I fear that it won’t fit even if I do lose those ten pounds. I fear that it’s too short and I just don’t know it.

I fear that everything will go wrong on the wedding day.

I fear that nothing will go wrong, but I’ll be waiting for something to go wrong and won’t be able to relax. I fear that it will rain or that it won’t rain and I want pretty rain pictures. I fear that I’ll be in a bad mood or have a huge, red, zit on my nose/chin/cheek/forehead.

I fear that my mom will get stuck somewhere on the wedding day. I fear I won’t look or feel the most beautiful version of me. I fear that I won’t cry or I’ll cry too much.

I fear that my vision won’t come to fruition. I fear that I won’t have any recaps worthy to share. I fear that it’ll all be boring to everyone but me.

I fear that I’ll get pregnant. Too soon. I fear that I won’t be able to get pregnant. I fear that our children will be unhealthy. Or unattractive (silly, superficial, I know, but I’m trying to stay honest here).

I fear that I won’t be the wife that Mr. Pencils thinks I’m capable of being. I fear that my messiness, my long work hours, my addition to chocolate/Coca Cola/bad TV will drive him to drink.

I fear that all these fears will surface and Mr. Pencils will wonder why he chose this crazy, loud, irreverent, over-thinking, uncouth woman to be his wife.

I fear that in all this hoopla, I’ll forget the real reason for it all—us. Mr. P is my other half, my self’s reflection, my counterpart. Our wedding day and our marriage itself is the beginning of something bigger, better—but it’s still just us. He is the man that will be my children’s father, his hands will hold mine as we create the life we’ve imagined. We’ll dream together, laugh together, cry together, FEAR together.

I fear that sharing all these fears will not dispel them as I hoped it would. But, I’ve shared them.

Do you have any fears?