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You enter a bridal salon, magazine pictures in hand. Hopes high. Glossy eyed. You’re invited to sit down and begin talking about how you want to look on your wedding day. What do you say?
For me, the first thing out of my mouth is what I do NOT want to look like. It’s harder to say what I want to look like.
“I do not want to look like a princess.”
What’s wrong with being a princess? Why shouldn’t I want to look like a princess? I did grow up loving to watch Cinderella and The Little Mermaid. It wasn’t ’til I reached college and began my education in Women’s Studies that I began to see the world differently. I began to think about how the world around me had affected the way I thought of myself. More specifically, I began thinking about how those childhood favorite movies had conditioned me to think about womanhood and my role in life. As a feminist, I believe that women deserve choices. So brides ought to have the choice to be the princess bride or someone completely different.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong about wanting to look like a princess or feel like one on your wedding day. But I do feel like it’s a choice that one should make and not feel forced into by any industry.
Then I read this article on feministing.com and it was all there. Samhita has the analysis that I have only haphazardly thought about in my head and failed to really capture.
What do you think? How has your princess upbringing or lack of princess upbringing affected your wedding planning?
It’s an interesting notion, but I think the captions are a bit ridiculous.
Disney movies could also be percieved as making men out to be morons who are only ruled by their penises considering that they’re seemingly captivated by beauty, and beauty alone, but no one makes that argument because it isn’t as fun to pick on the male characters in Disney movies than it is to pick on the female characters.
Obviously the person who created the captions already had her mind made up about the movies and picked out the details that would best fit her summary, while ignoring all others.
All the princesses overcame “evil”, Ariel & Eric both made sacrifices for each other, Belle was not only portrayed as beautiful, but also intelligent, Jasmine refused to conform to societies expectations of her, and Cinderella overcame all odds and made a better life for herself by being not only beautiful, but also kind-hearted, but again- no one wants to focus on the good messages in the stories, because it’s much for fun and controversial to point them out for the supposedly bad messages.
I’m with Miss. Rainbow here, this post was a little much for me.
I have to agree with Miss Nachos on this, every bride to be always dream of being one day princess on their wedding day, because the reality of being stuffed with those Disney movies.
I dont want to be princess in my wedding day, i just want to be me.
I’m with you here, Miss Hot Wings. Some of these captions ring true for me, especially the Snow White and the Little Mermaid ones! I, too, loved these movies as a kid, but it is kind of sickening to realize the limited way they portray women.
Hmmm…I’m with Rainbow. And while I think that we, as a society, should be mindful about what we expose our children to (and our daughters to), I don’t think that Disney movies are to blame. I think that the “snowflake syndrome” (Everyone is special! Everone is a winner! We’re all unique snowflakes!) is much more detrimental to children.
Nice work wings! I appreciate seeing a post like this around the hive! Personally it took me a while to work through my “marriage issues” which in large part stem from my disgust about these socially entrenched ideas about marriage and it’s purpose. Like all things wedding I’ve found my reasons and my purpose in sharing my life with someone in a way that doesn’t include any princessing or rescuing! I think you’ve made a great case for awareness- no matter how you choose to feel/be on your wedding day and beyond. Thanks!
Gotta agree with Miss Rainbow here. That picture really seems laughable and completely over the top to me!
I believe I am a feminist through and through, but I have agree with Miss Rainbow. I believe the captions take it too far.
I’m with French Fries. Honestly, parents need to take responsibility for creating their little monsters and stop blaming the entertainment industry as if they had no role in their shallowness or obsession with beauty. If wanting to be a princess (be loved, marry, live happily ever after) is a bad pick, well there are certainly worse careers.
Do I want to be a princess on my wedding day? No. I want to be a woman, and I think for the most part that’s what Disney is promoting.
Oh, and I loved Belle, not because she was SMART. In fact, when I think back at that movie, that’s what I remember most.
Also, can we mention Mulan here? She’s a strong female character who saves the day because of her intelligence and strength and I’m happy Disney showcased that story.
Aside from the story lines, I’d rather not be a princess on my wedding day because then I’d have to be literally gutless due to the anatomically impossible size of my waist! Miss Rainbow is right that most Disney princesses do have a few redeeming characteristics (I’d say Belle was fairly brave no? And she liked books! though only of the romantic kind…) but as role models for modern girls/women they’re fairly lacking!
haha! kind of funny and sad. the captions are probably a bit over the top to make a point (no time to write a thesis in a caption)–of course there’s another side which rainbow eloquently makes. great post!
The captions are hilarious. Over the top? Also yes. This was a fun post though and I dont think Miss Hot Wings meant to call anyone out who wants to be a “princess” on their wedding day or who enjoys these Disney movies. I appreciate the post because I too do not wish to be a princess on my wedding day (or any other day for that matter ;). Amen to strong women.
I’m with Rainbow the picture is way too over the top for me. I loved my Disney princesses and still do and I’m a feminist.
I think those captions are a little drastic. Watching those Disney movies growing up, I remember thinking that love is a wonderful and magical concept. There are a lot of lessons in these Disney movies to learn about, like love, loyalty, friendship, good verses evil, and that bad guys will eventually fall. The fact that they make their female/male cartoon characters beautiful makes it more fun and entertaining to watch. What female or little girl doesn’t dream to be beautiful? As an independent, latch-key kid in the 1980’s, life was pretty harsh. With both parents working, I had to fend for myself and these Disney movies helped me dream of a better world where good guys will win over the bad guys.
I wouldn’t go so far as to say the Disney princesses are feminist icons, but certainly a lot of them are pretty liberated women especially the later ones. Jasmine refuses to bow to her dad’s demands and will only marry a man she truly loves, regardless of social status. Just consider that! She is portrayed in a Middle Eastern culture and is refusing to go along with her father’s idea of what she should do with her sexuality! Belle is thought to be “weird” by the villagers because her head is always in a book, expanding her mind and not being a suitable trophy wife for Gaston!
The captions are the kind of thing that happens with our current educational system where a lot of research is devoted to deconstructing art, literature, society, culture etc. “Deconstruction” to me is not really an entirely valid approach to things, certainly not always. Sometimes a fairy tale is just a fairy tale and not a sinister tool to keep women down.
The angst surrounding marriage is also a very strange phenomenon to me. I guess that feminists with marriage issues just weren’t exposed to a lot of positive modeling? I mean if you view marriage as a potential tool of partiarchy and oppression I assume you have experience with partriarchal, oppressive relationships whether in your parents, grandparents, or your own sexual relationships. Because you wouldn’t believe that if somebody just told you it. You have to experience it yourself, I think.
To me the whole “getting married means losing your identity thing” never rang true to me, it wasn’t the reality I experienced. The unions I have observed in my own family and among family friends have been AWESOME and I guess that makes you raised to have a positive attitude about marriage in general?
I agree with the “princess bride” thing, though. I would blame Princess Diana, poor thing, and her wedding cake-style dress, long before I would blame Disney, though!
i don’t really agree with the captions, but I do agree with one not having to feel forced into a stereotyped wedding-role, ballgown or anti-ballgown alike. that said, i did not grow up with an overly princess-stage or forced gender-role, so maybe that’s why I don’t mind playing into the princessy fantasy a little. at least the trasformative magic ugly-ducking-to-pretty-swan part, at least. rescuing I can do myself 
Love this, Miss Hot Wings! As a women’s studies major in undergrad, I think I probably wrote a paper or two on this very subject! The captions are definitely meant to be a bit over the top and provoking, thanks for sharing!
I’m with Rainbow and French Fries on this one as well–they’re just Disney movies. I am 27 years old and not afraid to admit that I still love watching ‘em…I just don’t think they’re meant for hardcore analysis in regards to feminism and the portrayal of women. I sometimes feel like we live in an age where everything is taken too seriously! For me, they’re a guilty pleasure simply because they are what they are–cutesy fairy tales.
But to answer your question: My lack of Princess upbringing made me appreciate lots of things about my wedding. I still consider it one of the best days. Never in my life have I ever felt so loved and beautiful. People coming from near and far to share in our happiness. Getting compliments on how gorgeous everything looked. If you can afford it, I really suggest hiring a videographer, everything happens so fast so that person will be there to capture everything on camera. Remember to save time as a couple to soak it all in. But really, all you need is love!
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Mrs. Hot Wings, Chicago/San Diego Age and Occupation: 28, Professor Fiance's Age and Occupation: 32, Instructor Engagement Date: December 20, 2008 Wedding Date: August 2010 Venue: Ocean View Villas/Jasmine Seafood Restaurant About Me: I am a psychology grad student living in Chicago and planning my wedding to a fellow psych grad student. I am a Sunny So-Cal bred gal who trudged across the country to follow her love of psychology and ended up finding a partner in the process. I am overly passionate about anything I involve myself with. I am an activist, a foodie, a reality TV watching junkie, an over-analyzer, a photography obsesser, and am utterly cheesy to the core. This is a story of what happens when a boy and a girl meet, fall in love over academic dorkiness, and a shared love for life. We (mostly I) are planning our semi-destination wedding in my hometown of San Diego. We are excited to bring our families and friends together from across our lifespans to celebrate our future in a grand 400+ person culturally blended affair!
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