The Final Countdown

The Final Countdown

February 25th, 2010 @ 6:27 pm by Ms Potato Chips
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I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

-Douglas Adams

Every day I look at my calendar and do a little countdown in my head. There is only a matter of months left, piddly little months that are sure to fly by, months that have no regard for my endless to-do list, the items I haven’t even begun to think about, let alone accomplish.

All in a matter of months, all this lead-up for one day, ONE day, THE DAY, and then… it’ll be over.

It’s a day that has been on my mind when I go to sleep at night and wake up in the morning, a day that I rehearse over and over, anticipating all possible scenarios.

Yes, my friends, in just a couple short months comes the day I take my Ph.D. preliminary exams.

Source

My exams (required after one’s first year in the program) are about two months before the wedding. You know what else is two months before the wedding? Apparently, everything! Mailing invites, meeting with caterer, florist, DJ, finalizing wardrobe… I don’t need to go on. You know. You know in spades!

MamaChips recently said, “Now is the time we need to stop talking about doing things, and get them done!” I agree, Mr. PH agrees, we all agree. But that’s easier said than done. Right now I feel like all I can do is brace myself for what looks like a very stressful time ahead, juggling school and wedding plans. Flight or fight, right? I’m either putting on a hard helmet and surging forward, or curling in the fetal position under my desk.

I’m not sure which one it’ll be yet. Stay tuned.

Any advice? Either on balancing school/workload/wedding, or answering questions about American Modernism? I’ll take anything.

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39 Responses to “The Final Countdown”

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Member

crayfish (message) 4,844 posts, Honey bee

My PhD prelims at MIT were the most stressful experience of my adult life. I am so impressed by your ability to keep it all together, and plan your wedding, and blog for all of us!

2/25/10 @ 6:39 pm (reply)

Member

ebs1123 (message) 355 posts, Helper bee

Solidarity! I just took mine and have to defend my thesis proposal by May in order to take the time off to, you know, get married.

Best advice I can give is compartmentalization. I only let myself look at wedding things using Firefox, and have a separate EVERYTHING for the wedding, in hopes that I can focus when I need to. Oh, and if you’re a Mac user, this program (http://macfreedom.com/) shuts off the internet completely. Drastic times, drastic measures

Good luck!!

2/25/10 @ 6:42 pm (reply)

Member

gill84 (message) 725 posts, Busy bee

A Douglas Adams reference & a PhD comic in the same entry? It doesn’t get much better than this.

I will be defending my MA thesis a couple of months (hopefully) before the wedding, so I hear you.

The only advice I have is going to your office to work. I still end up procrastinating (avoidance of work is a wonderful short-term stress reliever) but it tends to be less-so than if I am trying to work from home.

Hang in there!

2/25/10 @ 6:48 pm (reply)

Member

HisSouthernGirl (message) 18 posts, Newbee

I’m not having to defend a PhD, but I’m in the throes of law school right now, and it’s very hard to give school the time it deserves and the wedding planning the proper time too. I agree with the above advice to compartmentalize. I make lists and decide how much time each will get. I also “treat” myself to wedding planning as a break from studying and preparing for class.

2/25/10 @ 6:51 pm (reply)

Guest

Golden8214

Time management is essential. Saved me in law school and when i was studying for the bar exam. Do anything early, and dont be afraid to delegate and ask for help. i know as a bride we want to have a hand in everything so that it runs smoothly but dont be afraid to ask for help. You dont want to feel overwhelmed with it all. The people who love you will understand how crazy your time is right now and will be there to help you so you can focus on your studies.

2/25/10 @ 6:56 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Cheeseburger (message) 1,020 posts, Bumble bee

I say delegate if you can! You will probably beat yourself up if you don’t give your exams your focus, but at the same time, I would probably slack and do wedding stuff. You’ll figure it out!

2/25/10 @ 6:57 pm (reply)

Member

tea (message) 7,288 posts, Bee Keeper

oooh, i have no advice as i’m just getting my mba. but i wish you the best of luck juggling everything! oh, and if you do figure out how to do it all, can you give us tips? pretty please!

2/25/10 @ 7:03 pm (reply)

Member

amariem25 (message) 3,733 posts, Sugar bee

I passed my written quals the first time around but not my oral quals. It sucked trying to study for the orals the same time as planning a wedding. It was so hard. Good luck to you. And if you don’t pass it’s not the end of the world. A lot of people don’t pass the first time. I didn’t and I’m still here. And I passed the second time. I’m still bitter about it all though and wish I had never failed that first time.

2/25/10 @ 7:05 pm (reply)

Member

bridgetjones2010 (message) 167 posts, Blushing bee

Ugh, I feel your pain. I’m in a history phd program, and we take our comprehensive exams sometime during year 3. I took mine about a year ago, and I have to say the ONLY way that I got through it is by letting my fiance shoulder the burden of everything that wasn’t school related. He made sure I was fed, the house was clean, and my clothes weren’t smelly for about 3 full months with no assistance from me. I’m making it up to him now, but geeze, he had it rough for a while. I imagine that Mr. P Chips and your family know how important these exams are to you and are willing to help pick up the slack.

Oh, and on the subject of the exams, the hardest part is the prep. Once you get there, it’s easy peasy. Good luck!

2/25/10 @ 7:09 pm (reply)

10.

Bee

Mrs. Mary Jane (message) 1,970 posts, Buzzing bee

Yep. Delegate wedding stuff or or let it slide. i don’t think I did any wedding stuff for 6 weeks during our house buying process (we were also in school at the time). Yay for getting to that point in your program by the way! I take my comps in the fall. Gaaaahh.

2/25/10 @ 7:10 pm (reply)

11.

Member

Professor (message) 422 posts, Helper bee

Okay, so the advice I found most helpful when studying for my comps (we didn’t have prelims or quals early on):

1. You will be ready once you’ve sat your butt in a chair for many days and read the material.
Hmmm… that sounded better in the Scottish accent of the junior prof who gave it to me. But his point was that you need to allow yourself time to study and just grind through. I found it really helpful to set a timer (I looooove Instant Boss on my computer) and study for x number of hours each day. And then when I met that goal for the day, I could turn my attention to other stuff. (I did this for diss writing, too.)

2. At some point, something’s gotta give.
Gee, Professor, that’s encouraging. Actually, I found it to be useful to be reminded that I could only be expected to do so much physically and mentally. It allowed me to give myself permission to ask others for help and to turn down non-essential tasks and gatherings. (I have trouble saying no to my friends and family.)

Are you prelims written or oral? Open notes or sans notes? I may have more specific advice based on the format.

Good luck! You’ll kick prelims butt!

2/25/10 @ 7:11 pm (reply)

12.

Member

Professor (message) 422 posts, Helper bee

PS: This post’s opening was hilarious, as usual. I love your posts.

2/25/10 @ 7:12 pm (reply)

13.

Guest

Sara C.

So with you! Taking the Bar two months before my wedding. Will you have a break afterwards? I’m just putting off everything I reasonably can until after I get through graduation and the bar!

2/25/10 @ 7:13 pm (reply)

14.

Bee

Miss Giraffe (message) 4,216 posts, Honey bee

Good luck!

2/25/10 @ 7:28 pm (reply)

15.

Member

Honeybird (message) 71 posts, Worker bee

I’ve been applying/interviewing for PhD programs the last few months and I haven’t done a single wedding related thing in that time! I say just focus on your exams, get through them, and let everyone else take up the wedding slack. Really, when I was in Boston for an interview my wonderful fiance and my amazing mother silkscreened, packaged, and mailed save-the-dates I had designed months ago and never got around to doing! Somehow things really do come together. Good luck!

2/25/10 @ 7:44 pm (reply)

16.

Member

jeaninelovesyou (message) 155 posts, Blushing bee

you’re brave. i took the easy way out: i pushed back the wedding (hence a 2011 wedding and a 2009 proposal). there’s no way that i have enough sanity to conquer school AND wedding planning at the same time. it’s a long time for him to wait, but i don’t think he’s going anywhere

2/25/10 @ 7:48 pm (reply)

17.

Bee

Miss Spaniel (message) 6,792 posts, Bee Keeper

Hang in there!

2/25/10 @ 7:48 pm (reply)

18.

Bee

Miss Pug (message) 3,753 posts, Honey bee

haha, love that quote! you’ll be okay–i got to that point also where i was like, uh, so i’m supposed to make actual decisions now? i think a large part of it is psychological–we spend all this time getting ideas, and then we have to commit ourselves to something!

2/25/10 @ 7:50 pm (reply)

19.

Member

ginandtonic (message) 193 posts, Blushing bee

Good luck! I get to take my quals next year (we have two years instead of one for them to try to cram crap into our brains). Think of it this way–once the exam is over, you get to have a really massive party (i.e. your wedding), it’s almost like a reward for suffering through your exam!

2/25/10 @ 7:54 pm (reply)

20.

Member

hshuang (message) 14 posts, Newbee

Good luck on your prelims! I definitely agree with the Bees before me in encouraging you to have others share the wedding load while you make your degree your primary focus.

Whenever our schedules get chaotic, my fiance and I set “date nights” to make sure that: 1) we get a break from whatever is making us pull our hair out, and 2) we remain connected beyond all the to-do lists and deadlines. It’s also a nice reminder of what’s waiting for you at the end of the tunnel. ^_^

You’ll be great!

2/25/10 @ 7:59 pm (reply)

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