Weddingbee Blog

I’ve mentioned a couple times that we  will be partaking in some of the traditional Vietnamese wedding rituals, but we will be modernizing them and changing them up to suit our needs and relationship. Well, before I completely confuse you, I’ll start with the traditions and their meanings. Then later, I’ll mess it all up for you.

So here I’ve modified a version of Wikipedia’s Traditional Vietnamese Wedding post. For visual ease, I’m including pictures from a couple of family weddings.

On the day of the wedding, there is first a procession and gifting by the groom’s family for the bride and her family.

The procession of the groom’s family is led in specific order. Usually, the first person will be a man chosen as the representative of the groom’s house (this person should have a good manner of speaking and be well respected), followed by the groom’s father, the groom, then the rest of his immediate family and close friends. Although, you can see in the above picture that this rule is not always followed. Mama and Papa Hot Wings led this procession for half-brother Hot Wing.

You’ll also notice that women sometimes wear the traditional ao dai, but not always. In all these pictures, only the bride and the women of Mama Hot Wings’ generation wore ao dais. An ao dai is essentially a long tunic over silk pants.

The people participating in the groom’s procession typically include family (aunts, uncles, cousins included), close friends, and the wedding party—usually around 20 people.

In the procession, the groom, his family, and friends bear elaborately decorated lacquer boxes, covered in red cloth (usually rented). Inside these boxes are gifts for the bride’s family. Gifts include betel, wine, tea, fruit, cakes, a roast pig, and a personal gift for the bride. Usually, the number of gift boxes varies between 6 or 8, but never 7 or 9 since it is seen as bad luck. However, it depends on personal views and might be reduced to 2-3 boxes.

(special ego boast honors to first person who can spot Miss Hot Wings)

Do you see the roast pig at the back of the procession? Take a mental note of it. I’ll bring that up again in future posts.

Upon arriving at the bride’s home, members of the procession are introduced to the bride’s family, and the bride’s family introduces its members to the procession. The groom presents his gifts to the bride’s family, and he is given permission to greet the bride, who is brought out by her mother. Below is a close up of the gift boxes from another Hot Wing Cousin Wedding.

The ceremony of permission from the bride’s deceased ancestors begins in front of the bride’s ancestor altar. The bride and groom stand in front of the altar and burn incense sticks, asking the bride’s ancestors to bless their marriage and their future family. Afterward, the couple turns and bows to their parents, giving thanks for raising and protecting them. The bride and groom then bow to each other. Note that these acts are not religious and more cultural. They are asking ancestors to come back to bless and be with the family during this uniting of families.

A formal tea, candle ceremony, and speeches follow. While tea has always been an essential part of Vietnamese life, Vietnamese tea culture is not as complex or ritually rigid as its counterparts in China, Japan or Korea. Nevertheless, a traditional wedding is about the only time in a Vietnamese person’s life that a formal tea ceremony is essential.

The bride and groom, in front of their guests (close family, friends, and wedding party), will serve tea to their parents. Each parent will then give advice about marriage and family to the couple. A candle ceremony will follow (i.e., unity candles), symbolizing the joining of the bride and groom and the joining of the two families. The groom’s gift boxes will be opened by the groom’s mother.

After parents are given tea, other family units get a turn. Grandparents go first, each family unit (aunts & uncles), then siblings get a turn giving advice and well wishes to the bride and groom. They usually give their wedding gift to the bride and groom at this time as well. Consequently, family are able to attend the reception without bringing a gift. This is a special time to honor the most important people in your life.

Then, it’s lunch time! Families, now united, share an informal meal together for the first time as one big family.

Are you including any similar elements into your wedding ceremonies?

** All photos are personal and taken by one of the Hot Wings.