Weddingbee Blog

I explained some of the Vietnamese wedding traditions my family is accustomed to here and here. Let’s talk about how they have changed and evolved to meet some our wants, needs, and desires.

(1) Combining families. Instead of going to both the bride’s and the groom’s family homes, we’ll be combining that and doing just one tea ceremony to represent both families. We will all get ready at the same place, then se up and come together for the event. Perhaps that will be a little less formal, then.

(2) Presentation of the Bride. I’m not sure what tradition dictates here, but I’ve grown up watching brides escorted by their dads. However, I want both my parents to have the spotlight with me separately. So I will have Mama Hot Wings escort me for the tea ceremony, and then Papa Hot Wings will escort me for the civil ceremony.

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(3) Ao Dai. I’m not wearing a traditional wedding Ao Dai with the halo hat (my personal name for it). I will have have a bump in my hair and my desired hairstyle doesn’t work so well with the halo hat. It will be missed, though. I found my ao dai in the back of my closet, actually. It’s a coral color with flowers embroidered on the front, sleeves, and back. I actually fell in love with this design when I was in Vietnam 3 years ago and had it made for about $10 US. I’ve never gotten a chance to wear it. So, I will wear it!

*personal photo of moi*

(4) Lacquer Boxes. These are usually rentals. In attempting to keep to a budget as much as possible, I’m thinking of just using red cellophane and/or DIYing my own red velvet covers. See the picture below for proof that I’ve been doing this my whole life. That’s Hot Wing in training on the far right. (Remember chokers? They were so hot then!)

*personal photo*

(5) Programs. I’ve never seen programs for the tea ceremony so we’re going to make some. I want to make sure all the symbolism is understood by both sides of our family. My Vietnamese side won’t understand everything since we’re changing it up, and it’ll be new to Mr. Hot Wing’s familia.

(6) Thanking Parents. The tradition of serving tea to your parents represents thanking them. While I love me some symbolism, I am pretty passionate about words. Did I mention yet that I talk a mile a minute and can’t stop? It’s a character flaw, no doubt. So, in addition to serving our parents tea, I want to verbally tell them how honored I am to be their daughter, how much I love them and appreciate the support they have always given me, and thank them for the person they have helped me become.

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(7) Location. As if it wasn’t enough that we would be combining both the bridal and the groom’s tea ceremony into one. we’re also not using either of our parents’ homes. Even though my parents live in San Diego where our wedding will be, the civil ceremony will be about 20 miles away. That’s a lot of driving around. Instead, we’ve decided to have the tea ceremony at our civil ceremony site just before lunchtime. The civil ceremony will be later in the afternoon (3ish). To make matters even more strange for my parents, we’re going to hold it outdoors. Remember how we’re having our wedding outdoors on the cliffs at Ocean View Villas? It’s just too pretty not to use as much as possible. I think we’ll set up to have it over by this cute little palm tree on the side.

*personal photo*

I’m sure as we continue planning, things will change more and more. I think it pretty much still looks and feels like a Vietnamese tea ceremony, but it’s changed enough to feel like us.

Have you customized any family traditions? Has your family been receptive to the changes?