“I Do” Before the Wedding

“I Do” Before the Wedding

March 3rd, 2010 @ 4:27 pm by Mrs. Jellyfish
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I have some news to share: Mr. Jelly and I will be legally married once our September wedding rolls around. We’re not really keeping it a secret, but we’re not really broadcasting it to the world, either (well… until now. Oops.). I guess for us it’s not a huge deal, but I’ve been around the Weddingbee boards enough to know that this is fairly common (especially amongst military brides and those applying for visas) and that people have differing feelings about it. So, I wanted to be honest about it and tell you why we decided to go this route. I also wanted other marriage-before-wedding brides to know they’re not alone!

So, why did we decide to make it legal before the big wedding? There are three main reasons. The first is Mr. Jelly’s military career. The sooner we get married, the sooner I can become a military dependent and get things like health insurance and other benefits, as well as more peace of mind when he’s deployed. It turns out these are extremely common reasons for going this route. In fact, future SIL and bridesmaid S did the same thing:

“I Do” Before the Wedding : wedding legal pleasanton 114 1

Mr. Jelly’s Marine brother and my future SIL before their civil ceremony, back in 2005.

The next reason is timing.

We would have loved to have a shorter engagement but due to my schedule as a law student, anything earlier than early August 2010 (after the Bar exam) was less than ideal. We wanted to go on a relaxing honeymoon after the wedding, and that just wasn’t going to happen during the school year or while I was studying for the Bar. So we pushed the wedding back to September, but after being together for the better half of a decade, we both just wanted to be married already! And lastly: I’ve always been inspired by my parents’ civil wedding. It’s extremely common in Europe to have two weddings – a “civil” wedding done at City Hall, and a “religious” wedding (the big wedding) after. Growing up, the only wedding pictures I saw of my parents were in front of city hall:

“I Do” Before the Wedding : wedding legal pleasanton 35 3

How about my mom’s stylish white hat? She looks so classy! My mom never had the poofy white dress because she wore the Romanian national costume to the religious ceremony, so these are the only photos I’ve seen of my parents on their wedding day.

There’s just something about getting married at the city hall/a courthouse, but it just feels more selfish and private, like you are just doing this for yourself, as adults, making it legal. I think it’s utterly romantic. Though the first two reasons would have been enough on their own, having my parents’ civil wedding as my inspiration convinced me that, for us, this was the way to go.

Did you or do you know anyone who got legally married before their big wedding? What were your/their reasons for doing so?

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45 Responses to ““I Do” Before the Wedding”

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Bee

Miss Dachshund (message) 689 posts, Busy bee

Mr. Doxie and I are legally married! We did it for immigration, so we could get him here sooner and so he could begin to work sooner. Though I still call him my fiance to others, we call each other Husband/wife : )

3/3/10 @ 4:30 pm (reply)

Member

Miss Goose (message) 148 posts, Blushing bee

Awesome, we did the same this last weekend, only at the beach and it was so special, how many times do you get to marry the love of your life? the answer for me is twice!

Congrats!

P.S I hate it when some people feel offended because they weren’t present, even though they know we were doing it this way… it’s our wedding and life PEOPLE!!! grrrrrr

3/3/10 @ 4:35 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Hamster (message) 4,045 posts, Honey bee

Congrats! It’s definitely a personal decision, and if it works best for you and Mr. Jelly, then no justification to others is necessary IMO! I love the wedding pics of your parents!

3/3/10 @ 4:43 pm (reply)

Member

Osakagrl (message) 761 posts, Busy bee

Mr. Hasegawa and I were legally married last September! We did it for visa/immigration reasons. we were alerted one day that his visa didnt process correctly therefore if we didnt get married he would be sent home. So the nest day at 8 AM we were married. Im actually really glad that we are having both. the first one was for us, and it was romantic to me because we just wanted to be together. May is the ceremony for our friends and family.

3/3/10 @ 4:45 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Brooch (message) 1,715 posts, Bumble bee

I’ve heard of lots of people doing the same thing. You guys have to do what works for you! I don’t think it changes how special the wedding is, at all!! Alos, your mom looks so fly!! I love her hat and that bouquet!!

3/3/10 @ 4:46 pm (reply)

Member

ladyox (message) 831 posts, Busy bee

A week after he proposed, we went to Vegas and got hitched in a civil service. We’ve only told a handful of people and will have our religious wedding this May, a week after our 1 year anniversary.

We had a few reasons for doing it, but mostly it was health insurance and finances. I have zero regrets.

3/3/10 @ 4:47 pm (reply)

Member

MrsJKH2be (message) 874 posts, Busy bee

My FI and I are legally married as well! We got married in august 2009 and are having a ceremony/reception for our friends and family this October. He wanted to get married sooner and we also wanted the intimacy of just the 2 of us and our parents. We ot married inside our first house and in the same room we got engaged in

3/3/10 @ 4:48 pm (reply)

Member

Miss Spaghetti (message) 282 posts, Helper bee

We are getting married a week or two prior to our wedding as well since we have getting married in the Dominican and don’t want to worry about translation of paperwork. Plus i’ve heard horror stories of couples waiting up to 6 months to receive their marriage certificate.

3/3/10 @ 4:51 pm (reply)

Member

Curlysue (message) 1,703 posts, Bumble bee

I actually think it’s pretty awesome too! Your examples are also very good ones and I think it would be silly NOT to. I think for me if I needed insurance or, like you, the whole timing thing I would have been on the same wagon. My FI and I have only been together for a year and a half and engaged for six months and we are just wanting to be married “finally”. But compared to the length of your relationship we are a drop in the bucket!

3/3/10 @ 5:03 pm (reply)

10.

Guest

Ludmila {CreamyLife.com}

I live in Europe and I did get married before the big wedding (due to visa stuff). Actually we still didn’t have it as we’ve got married 6 months ago and are planning to have the wedding in August 2010. As you see you’re not the only one And by the way your mom looked gorgeous on her weeding day!

3/3/10 @ 5:06 pm (reply)

11.

Member

jilian (message) 785 posts, Busy bee

Let’s not forget reason #4. An excuse to buy a new outfit! Love your S-I-L’s white suit - so classy!

3/3/10 @ 5:06 pm (reply)

12.

Member

tea (message) 7,263 posts, Bee Keeper

i have no problems with people who decide to do this for whatever reason! the mister and i might be doing this as well. you’ve got to do what’s best and feels right for you. it’s just a pity those who choose to go this route feels the need to explain the reasoning behind it in an attempt to make others accept it.

3/3/10 @ 5:15 pm (reply)

13.

Bee

Miss Pug (message) 3,753 posts, Honey bee

i think this totally makes sense. but i’m with you, i don’t want to broadcast it (sshhh) because i don’t want the guests to feel like they’ve missed out on “the real thing”, you know?

3/3/10 @ 5:21 pm (reply)

14.

Member

lkbphmd (message) 662 posts, Busy bee

We did this too! I loved our ceremony- it was short (7 minutes) but filled with emotion. We didn’t tell anyone other than our witnesses, but a few people have found out (like BIL/SIL on vacay last week when the hotel clerk announced our upgrades to a suite due to our honeymoon! Oops!). The wedding is 5 months from now, and we don’t plan on including anyone else on our little secrets. Congrats!

3/3/10 @ 5:25 pm (reply)

15.

Guest

Meredith

Thankyouthankyouthankyou!

My fiance and I did the same thing a few weeks ago and I’ve been feeling so alone about it all! After harsh reactions from siblings (I hear you Miss Goose!) and all the questions about who I should tell and who I shouldn’t and who will be upset, who won’t care, etc, etc, etc. I’ve kind been going nuts lately!

But I totally loved it and wouldn’t change what we did at all. It’s weird being like we’re married, but we’re really not. The main reason for us was that my fiance was laid off and we needed to save some major money for the wedding in May by living together, sharing bills, etc. Plus, he needed to get on my health insurance for all of his ailments.

It was super fabulous, our photographer took some great photos, I had the winter wedding I have always wanted and it was very intimate and romantic.

Are you going to tip your hat to it at all at the big wedding? We’re playing around with some ideas about mentioning it - but I’m scared to because I don’t want people snickering all day about that instead of enjoying themselves!

Congrats!

3/3/10 @ 5:31 pm (reply)

16.

Member

aepproduction (message) 23 posts, Newbee

We’ll be getting married before our destination wedding to avoid using one of the few judges available and standard ceremony (in Spanish!) We really wanted to write our own ceremony and have someone we know conduct the ceremony. So it works out for the best!

3/3/10 @ 5:40 pm (reply)

17.

Member

princessleia (message) 143 posts, Blushing bee

I want to do this but FI is totally against it! I’m in grad school now and could really use his health insurance but alas, he will not budge. Oh well! Congrats to every else who was able to do this!

3/3/10 @ 5:44 pm (reply)

18.

Bee

Ms Potato Chips (message) 1,193 posts, Bumble bee

These are excellent reasons and it makes perfect sense to me! How great are those photos of your parents??

3/3/10 @ 5:47 pm (reply)

19.

Member

Coccinelle (message) 286 posts, Helper bee

your parents are so cute! My parents (both French and married in France), had a civil ceremony before the religious one too And my mom had a classy hat too! But I think she wore yellow…hahaha oh the 80s…

3/3/10 @ 6:15 pm (reply)

20.

Member

FutureMrs.E (message) 20 posts, Newbee

We are getting married 2 Weeks before civilly too! We need to give the church a marriage license before they can marry us.

3/3/10 @ 6:52 pm (reply)

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