Weddingbee Blog

What do you do when the one you love with all your heart is having doubts about the whole concept of marriage, and there’s only 4 months left until the wedding? What if they break the engagement, take it back, break it again, take it back, and break it again?

At what point do you say enough’s enough? I can’t bear to say it, so I do what true love always does: I extend the olive branch and tell him my love won’t falter. I’ll try to be patient for him to make up his mind, and try not to let my heart break too terribly in the meantime.

How does a bride, a bride who’s poured her heart and soul into a relationship, making a home, supporting her fiance as best she can, and has been planning a wonderful wedding, deal with such heartbreak and uncertainty? Many calls to mom, to dad and her best girlfriends. When he can’t pull himself out of his depression, she reaches out to his family.

Just olive branches and love, that’s all I can offer. I cling to the hope I get an olive branch back.

Another thing that helps this bride, is music.

It speaks to my problems sometimes better than if I’d written the lyrics myself. I find these two songs speak perfectly to how I’m feeling:

More Adventurous by Rilo Kiley

And it’s only doubts that we’re counting
On fingers broken long ago
I read with every broken heart we should become
More adventurous
And if you banish me from your profits
And if I get banished from the kingdom up above
I’d sacrifice money and heaven all for love
Let me be loved, let me be loved

And if my brain quits, well I guess then that’s just it
And if my hands stop working you can call me lazy
And if I get pregnant, I guess I’ll just have the baby
Let it be loved, let me be loved

I’ve been trying to nod my head, but it’s like I’ve got a broken neck
Wanting to say I will as my last testament
For me to be saved and you to be brave
We don’t have to walk down that aisle
’Cause if marriage ain’t enough
Well at least we’ll be loved

I felt the wind on my cheek coming down from the east
And thought about how we are all as numerous as leaves on trees
And maybe ours is the cause of all mankind
Give love to make more, try to stay alive

I’ve been trying to nod my head, but it’s like I’ve got a broken neck
Wanting to say I will as my last testament
For you to be saved and me to be brave
We don’t have to walk down that aisle
’Cause if marriage ain’t enough
Well at least we’ll be loved

And this, when I’m feeling frustrated:

Hot N’ Cold by Katy Perry

Are there any other brides out there who have experienced a fiance with cold feet? It’s a heart wrenching emotional roller coaster ride, isn’t it? No matter if it’s one day, or worse, several weeks as it’s been for me, it hurts!!! Bad. I’ve definitely gone from feeling hopeful one day, to tears-all-day the next. I’ve spent time envisioning my life without Professor Paisley. I’ve even researched the costs of a U-Haul and have thought about about what my next steps as a single gal would be. And most of all, I’ve mulled over whether in the face of rejection, I could deal with continuing to stay together, either with a postponed wedding or even if we were to revert to a dating couple again. A compromise like that seemed like too much to ask.

As my mom said, “this SUCKS!” And she’s a prim and proper children’s librarian who never uses that word, heh.

A funny and true story: my mom mentioned to me that in the days before her wedding to my dad (at age 19) she was having serious doubts, so she said to my dad: “Well, we can always get a divorce.”

I find that both hilarious, sad and oddly, inspirational, as they’ve been happily married for 38 years and counting.

NOTE: I’m just sharing my experience in the hope at least one bride can relate to it and perhaps be comforted that she is not alone. Please be kind with your comments.