The Not Bachelor

The Not Bachelor

March 8th, 2010 @ 10:06 am by Mrs. Ribbons
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I’m putting this out for the world: I’m uncomfortable with the concept of bachelor parties.

The tendency toward debauchery as a final send-off before marriage signals one thing to me: that marriage is a dead-end for sex and fun. If someone has to “live it up” before he gets married, why the f is he getting married?

Here’s a particularly salient quote from theplunge.com on the bachelor party:

“Nothing says, ’I’m looking forward to my new life of monogamy!’ like having a toned, naked, purring woman grind against your crotch.”

Indeed! I know the knee-jerk reaction here is “you’re obviously insecure and have trust issues.” No, I don’t actually think the majority of soon-to-be-married men cheat at their bachelor parties. That’s not the deal here. It’s the message of “I must get really drunk and look at many different types of boobs right before I get married,” that bothers me.

Let’s face it: Ribs hasn’t been a “free man” in years. The last hurrah? That train left the station way before he proposed.

We’re living in an age where marriage is a choice, not a foregone economic conclusion. We’re not paired off because we have more dowry, have a better family, or can simply work a plow. We choose who we marry because of intangible reasons. In doing this we’re saying I choose you over all other possibilities — which is amazing. But for me, that also means the concept of a naked women-filled send-off is bogus: no one is marching these men to a marriage they don’t want.

I’m not against the male bonding and “man” activities. The adventure variety of bachelor parties where they camp and hike and drink are pretty cool. I’m just over the idea that a man can only get married if he licks whipped cream off of a stripper’s fake boobs.

I know I don’t seem forward-thinking, that I probably sound repressed, and I must be a huge nag. Ribs hasn’t even expressed an interest in strippers. I just wanted to stand up for everyone a little or a lot uncomfortable with the traditional stripper-tastic bachelor party.

So, where do you stand on bachelor parties?

Tags: bachelor-party, bloomington |

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73 Responses to “The Not Bachelor”

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Member

LaborOfLove (message) 2,050 posts, Buzzing bee

Same as you. My FI attended a camping bachelor party where I think they had more fun than if they’d gone to a strip club. His friends, luckily, are all about as tame as him… they’d rather stay in and play drinking games. What does Ribs think of what you think?

3/8/10 @ 10:09 am (reply)

Bee

Miss Hermit Crab (message) 3,530 posts, Sugar bee

I totally agree with you!

3/8/10 @ 10:13 am (reply)

Member

di5308 (message) 382 posts, Helper bee

I could not agree more. I feel the same way about bachelorette parties that have a similar focus. I’m not insucure, and I’d trust FI completely, even if he was dragged off to a strip club by his drunk buddies. Thankfully we are on the same page and are both opting for a much more tame time, where the focus is celebrating our marriage with our friends.

3/8/10 @ 10:15 am (reply)

Member

helenahelena1 (message) 78 posts, Worker bee

I’m totally with you here. My FI has told me that if he ends up at his own stag party with a stripper that his mates don’t know him very well.
He’s not comfortable with being the centre of attention, is teetotal (which is great, beacuse we never argue about who gets to drive, I’d recommend getting a teetotal FI to everyone, hee hee!) and is more of a feminist than I am so he’d be pretty horrified if someone made him lick squirty cream off someone’s boobs. And no, I’m not being manipulated into thinking this by him. He genuinely isn’t into that stuff. He’s much happier doing something that REALLY gets his adrenaline pumping, like paragliding or surfing.
It wouldn’t bother me if he wanted to have a raucous stag night because I know he’ll probably be the one keeping his best man out of the gutter!
You got yourself a giid one too Miss Ribbons!
X

3/8/10 @ 10:19 am (reply)

Member

FurtureMrsTal (message) 862 posts, Busy bee

I have a similar mind set as you. I don’t understand why there is this mindset of “death of freedom and being a guy” attached to getting married. If a guy really believes that then why be getting married?

That being said, I did tell Mr. Tal that if he wanted to he could do whatever he wanted, which turned out to be pretty mellow (dinner, hockey game, bar). When I asked him the next day if he was sad to give it up (the drinking, partying, etc.) he said he had nothing to lose but everything to gain and that he’ll just take me out with him partying.

3/8/10 @ 10:19 am (reply)

Member

rcool487 (message) 18 posts, Newbee

Definitely! It’s so disgusting!
Also, I wanted to let you know that my cousin just got married at the Indiana Memorial Union last spring! It was great. Actually, the food was awesome. Have fun!

3/8/10 @ 10:23 am (reply)

Bee

Miss Frozen Yogurt (message) 2,685 posts, Sugar bee

Agreed, I’m all for the male bonding, I just dont’ think it needs to be done in a way that means he’s doomed and will never have fun again. I’m fun.

3/8/10 @ 10:25 am (reply)

Member

KLP2010 (message) 4,199 posts, Honey bee

I’m totally with you. The FI is too. He’s hoping that all the boys can get together for a weekend trip to go see the Red Wings play It most likely won’t even be “right before” the wedding but whenever it’s most convenient

3/8/10 @ 10:27 am (reply)

Member

rachel_leigh (message) 1,106 posts, Bumble bee

Hate them! I think if men need to have the kind of bachelor party that involves cheating or near cheating then they aren’t ready to be married.

3/8/10 @ 10:33 am (reply)

10.

Bee

Miss Snow (message) 916 posts, Busy bee

I think you sound very forward-thinking in this post! I regularly think about how lucky Mr. Snow and I are to be able to marry each other just b/c we love each other. No money, no exchange of goods, now plows (haha!). He’ll have some sort of bachelor party (and I’ll have some sort of bachelorette evening), but there won’t be strippers (or phallus-themed accessories) at either event.

3/8/10 @ 10:33 am (reply)

11.

Member

Navy_Baby (message) 120 posts, Blushing bee

I agree as well. It has nothing to do with insecurity. And I have said exactly what you’ve said…men who are engaged haven’t been “free” since they started dating their fiance lol.

3/8/10 @ 10:33 am (reply)

12.

Member

BusyBride2Be (message) 248 posts, Helper bee

I loved this blog!!! I feel the exact same way as you! Luckily, so does my FH! He’s the one bashing bach. parties saying they’re stupid (the strip club and getting drunk and flirting with women and considering yourself still single since you’re not married, stuff). My FH has never and does not feel like marriage is the end of his life or a terrible thing, he’s sooo excited about this probably even more than me. I don’t tell him what he can and can’t do and I’m not insecure but I get what you’re saying!

3/8/10 @ 10:34 am (reply)

13.

Member

dookie32 (message) 173 posts, Blushing bee

I honestly think bachelor parties are really for the friends to have an excuse to act like idiots than it is really for the bachelor himself. It also changes the older the guys get. We’re in our early 30s and I don’t know anyone anymore who does any of that strip club crap. My FH and his friends are just planning on going to St. Louis for a Cardinals game and hitting up some bars afterwards. FH wanted our dads and his uncles to be able to go, so I don’t think there is a going to be any kind of debauchery!

3/8/10 @ 10:38 am (reply)

14.

Member

MissDoodles (message) 206 posts, Helper bee

I know bachelor party debates can get really heated, so I’m just going to state my personal opinion and leave it at that. I wouldn’t care if FI wanted to go to a strip club for his bachelor party, I fully intend on seeing some sort of male revue for my bachelorette party. However, he says he has no interest in doing so, he really wants to go to a UFC fight. Unless of course his groomsman wins out and hires the stripper they both met while working at Dunkin Donuts years ago. She’s a one-legged stripper who, as part of her act, uses her fake leg to hit munchkins across the stage. Now that even I kinda want to see, lol.
I don’t view it as one last hurrah before getting married. I see it as a tradition and a fun girls/guys night out. A way for everyone to relax and let off a little steam in the midst of crazy wedding planning.

3/8/10 @ 10:39 am (reply)

15.

Member

Teaserama (message) 236 posts, Helper bee

I agree 100%!

I was saying this in another thread and got told I have trust issues. Bleh.. I don’t think I have trust issues. I think it is a matter of respect. But to each their own. We are getting married before St. Patty’s day. So we will prolly have a co-mingled party before the day when all our family arrives in town.

3/8/10 @ 10:42 am (reply)

16.

Guest

kage

You put it so well - especially in saying “[...] that marriage is a dead-end for sex and fun.” You’re right - it’s not like once you get married, the party’s over! The Bachelor/Bachelorette party is a great way to have fun with your closest friends to pre-celebrate your wedding, but the way strippers and getting crazy with the opposite sex has become so entrenched in the whole thing….not a fan!

3/8/10 @ 10:44 am (reply)

17.

Member

LittleSpitfire (message) 288 posts, Helper bee

I think your reasoning is quite sound, and actually I’ve not seen a lot of the points you make before in the “old bachelor party debate.” That said, I don’t really have any issues with my fiance going to a strip club - he’s planning a Vegas trip, so I know there will be a stop at Sapphire or whatever. But, I respect your opinion on this and acknowledge that it’s a very personal issue- there is no “right” or “wrong” when it comes to something like this!

3/8/10 @ 10:46 am (reply)

18.

Member

beth1125 (message) 328 posts, Helper bee

I can definitely see where you are coming from. Just for a slightly different point of view, this is the way I look at it-
I see it more as a final hurrah with friends than a final hurrah with boobs. I really don’t think strippers are necessary and I doubt FI with have them. However, I just think it’s more of a reflection of the times when these buddies were probably the most important people in his life. He knew a lot of them before me. It’s just a way to say to them “You’ll always be my best friends, look, see all the fun we have together? But after this she is going to be my priority.” Of course, I have been his priority for awhile but I think that looking at the symbolism that way feel a bit less depressing! haha

In other news, I just read that you’re wedding is in Bloomington. Of course, I am typing this in a computer lab at Purdue but I am still thrilled to see an Indiana bride!!

3/8/10 @ 10:48 am (reply)

19.

Member

Brianalaura (message) 1,482 posts, Bumble bee

We’re just using it as an excuse to have yet another girls/guys night out. I have no issue with strippers, but he’s not really a big fan so he’s not doing that (much to the chagrin of our friends). Neither of us see it as the last “hurrah” before the wedding because we go out like this with the same friends all the time.

3/8/10 @ 10:49 am (reply)

20.

Member

damsel911 (message) 8 posts, Newbee

I agree with MissDoodles!

3/8/10 @ 10:50 am (reply)

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