Weddingbee Blog

I’ve found that when it comes to weddings, sometimes there is very little to do with the bride and groom. Besides the dress and the flowers and the I dos, a big part of a lot of weddings are all about pleasing your guests and pissing off as few people as possible. Brides often have to roll over and do things that they don’t really want, or eliminate things they do really want, in order to keep the peace.

“Ugh, do we really have to have daisies? I’m not really a fan of daisies.” If you want to continue speaking to your mother, you’ll carry the damn daisies.

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“Ugh, do we have to do the bouquet/garter toss? It’s so uncomfortable.” Do you want your family to look at you like a 12 headed-freak for shunning tradition? No? Then you’ll let your groom stick his head up your dress for your guests’ amusement, because that’s much more “normal”.

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“Ugh, do we have to invite his obnoxious wife? We don’t really get along.” Yes, unfortunately you do. Sorry if she gets drunk and talks crap about you the whole night. It may be your wedding, but you don’t want to offend any of your guests do you? Of course not.

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“Ugh, do we have to have Aunt Laurie sing at our wedding? Her voice sounds like 1000 cats dying.” If you still want to call her your aunt afterwards, she’s singing at your wedding. Period.

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See what I mean? Weddings are full of these “ugh, do we have to” moments.

Now, I’ve never been one to do things that I don’t want to do because it’ll “keep the peace” or “because it’s the thing to do”. It’s just not me, yet I find myself doing just that, and I don’t like it. Keeping the peace is great, but not when it forces you to be unhappy or uncomfortable. Sometimes the backlash is worth taking a stand for your beliefs and feelings.

So what is my “Ugh, do we have to?”?

It’s having a wedding.

I know, the record just stopped, didn’t it? It did. Sorry, my bad. But seriously…

I don’t want a wedding. I know, I know, I know, you think I’ve been sniffing some wedding planning crazy glue, but I haven’t, I promise.

In all honesty, I’ve been doing all of this color schemeing, guest listing, linen picking, DIY crafting because it’s, you know, what people do. You fall in love, you get engaged, you plan a perfectly color coordinated wedding and you do things and invite people that you don’t want there because it’s the thing to do. I’ve become a bandwagon joining, people pleasing, wedding planning doormat and it’s just not me. When the hell did I become that person? F&*k if I know, but I don’t like her, so she’s going away.

Mr. and Miss Rainbow are not, I repeat, are not getting married. Well, let me rephrase that, we’re not having a wedding. I recently had a light bulb go off in my head that said, “What the hell are you doing? You don’t have to have a wedding!” So we aren’t. I’m through with wedding planning for the sake of having a wedding, I’m through stressing myself out over people that aren’t worth the stress, I’m through with spending massive loads of money on a big party that, to me, is pointless.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with having a wedding, be it small, intimate, and planned in 2 months or large, luxurious, and planned in 2 years. What I’m saying is that it’s important to do what’s right for you. I got steamrolled by the wedding machine and I lost sight of what is really important to me.

What’s important to me is being with Mr. Rainbow, and I don’t need a perfectly planned wedding to do that. I want to travel with Mr. Rainbow, I want to see and experience the world with him, I want to go on adventures, try new things, meet new people. What I don’t want to do is waste any more of my life planning what is essentially one single solitary day.

When Mr. Rainbow and I get married, I don’t know what it’ll be like, where we’ll be, or who we’ll be with. Maybe our immediate families will be there, maybe not. Maybe we’ll have a dinner party and spring it on everyone last minute a la Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon, or maybe it’ll be just us two and we’ll get married while we’re traveling to Paris or Cambodia or the dozens of other places we want to go.

It might be spring, summer, fall, or winter, at city hall, on a beach, among the trees, or on top of the Eiffel tower; I have no idea. All I know is that it won’t be planned, it won’t be stressful, and we’ll make no compromises. We won’t choose colors just because we should, we won’t invite people just to keep the peace, and we won’t worry about what our guests (or lack thereof) think. On the day we get married, it will be about us, and us alone.

So today, I hang my hat as Miss Rainbow, and I go forward in doing the things that matter to me—the things that make me happy, the things that remind me of what life and love is all about, and for me, that just doesn’t include planning a wedding.

Thank you for all the love, support, and words of wisdom that you’ve given me in my time here. It’s been an honor, and you’re all absolutely irreplaceable. Au Revoir!

Tiffany