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This is by no means a new issue in the wonderful world of planning a wedding. Figuring out The Plus One Situation is difficult for a lot of couples when building their guest lists. And while we finished our guest list a while back, The Plus One Situation has lingered on my mind.
We started with a blanket rule - any of our friends that were dating someone seriously who we’d met before, were invited with guests. We addressed their invitations to Friend & Friend’s SO by name so that there would be no confusion. As in, if Friend’s SO couldn’t make it, they should come alone.
We handled friends who didn’t fit those criteria on a case by case basis. Generally, we did not give single friends guests because we were already over our ballroom’s capacity. However, in certain situations we made some exceptions. For people who we really wanted to come, but who didn’t know many other people (or anyone, for that matter) that were invited, we allowed an “& guest”. In these cases, our friends were extremely gracious and appreciative, which made us very happy with our decision.
In other situations, such as people who were not dating anyone or who had on again off again significant others whom we had not met, and who would know multiple other people at the wedding, we felt they would rather receive an invitation to the wedding as a single versus not being invited at all because we couldn’t fit their guests.
And hey, if we made anyone mad, we figured that they just wouldn’t come.
For a while after our invitations went out, we hadn’t heard any uproar from our friends that were invited as singles, but as time passed grumblings from *just* a few people surfaced here and there. We mostly heard this second hand through other friends, but in some cases guests even contacted us directly to ask if they could bring guests. Yep. I was actually pretty shocked when it happened, but I tried to handle it as diplomatically as possible.
As I write this post, I wonder if our Plus One Policies were a little too strict. Should we just have invited everyone with a guest to appease them? Even if that meant running the risk that people would be packed into our venue like sardines?
Then, when I think about it a little more, I realize that in order to fit the guests of our friends, we would have had to sacrifice more family and friends of our parents than we already had, and I am OK with our decision.
Sigh. Oh, the joys of planning your wedding guest list!
How did/are you handling The Plus One Situation?
I think you handled it well and stuck to your guns! Once you waver for one person, everyone will want to get on board. and like you, I was also suprised when I had people approach me about bringing a guest.
For the most part, we had two catagories: Friends with SO’s they lived with and Friends who were single. Only two people didn’t fall into either catagory and so I decided to allow them no guest since they hadn’t been dating their SO for very long.
About 90% if our friends or relatives are married or in a serious relationship. So it was no biggie to us to give the rest a +1. But if we felt like we were bordering on capacity we probably would have rethink it.
We did the exact same thing–plus ones if they’re in a relationship, or if they don’t know anyone else there. If they’re single but part of a larger group, they get a solo invite.
I think you handled it completely appropriate! And is exactly what we plan on doing. I would rather make sure we have enough room for our family and friends then strangers so someone could bring a ‘date’. When it is time for their wedding planning they will finally get it!
We did the same thing you did, and i also heard some second-hand rumblings. But know what? Those folks didn’t have to come if they didn’t want to, and they can do whatever they want at their own wedding.
I think you did it right! Don’t worry about not having people around that you don’t even know ;-).
We are handling it exactly as you are. Stick to your guns! I’m also a little afraid of the backlash, but I think people need to realize that a wedding is very special, and expensive. Why would you want to be sharing that with/pay for perfect strangers?
We did the exact same thing as well. While it may seem strict for your in-town single friends, you are ultimately going to be greeting and hosting these guests at your wedding. If you would rather have a family member or actual friend there present instead of a stranger, there is no other policy that works better. Hope everything turns out awesome!
Oh, the horrible plus one situation! We had all these strict rules when we made our guest list but I’ve pretty much broken every single one and the only people not getting plus one’s are those who are single…
I don’t think your policy was too strict! We’re only giving plus one’s to guests who are married or in a serious relationship. FI’s friend who has a new girlfriend every few months doesn’t get a plus one. And having people packed into a venue just to keep everyone happy will only make your guest uncomfortable! I went to a wedding once where there weren’t even enough seats for all the guests! Standing in a crowd in the back of the room was not fun. 
My FI and I had a big blowout regarding this last weekend because he wanted to allow his bf, if asked, to bring his gf. Problem - they have barely been dating for three months and we haven’t met her. Plus I’m not a fan of making an exception for one and not being consistent across the board. Only two folks were given the option of bringing a friend because they wouldn’t know anyone - otherwise, these are our friends (hs, college, etc.) that know each other and/or our families so there is plenty of room to mingle. And we even aren’t breaking this rule for family members, so why do it for a friend?!
We are going to wait and see. Everyone got their invites a few days ago and a few responses have trickled in. He will be seeing his friend next week and I hope he doesn’t use that as a means to back my FI into a corner to get an invite for his SO (she’s not even really a gf yet, as he doesn’t even refer her as such). I feel like his friend has gone to other weddings alone, not being in a serious relationship, and he should know the etiquette of having an invite addressed only to you, so maybe it won’t be an issue. Bottom line, I just don’t want a bunch of plus ones that we may never see again being at such an important life event.
I won’t be happy if he forces the issue and I already find the guy annoying, so this will give me another excuse not to want to spend more time with him. I am trying to be a bigger person about this but my position is that if I’m not making exceptions for my friends (and I like them), then why would I be okay making an exception for his. :p Love the plus one drama!
Aren’t people used to this by now? I would say the majority of weddings I’ve attended have followed the SO only, or if you don’t know anyone else, rule. We are also letting people who are travelling far bring a guest if they want. I don’t think you are too strict at all.
We’re using the same Plus One policy as you and so have all my girlfriends who have gotten married. Don’t worry about it being too harsh.
I think you guys went about it really well. We did the same thing basically. If we knew our friend was dating someone or thought they would want to bring someone, we added plus one.
We figured anyone that we misjudged, would contact us and we could handle it from there, although I can imagine it might be difficult on the spot!
I don’t think you were too harsh at all. Every single extra guest = more cash, so people should understand!
I think your policy is perfect and ours is the same way.
I do want to say that my fiance has been a person in the past to ask to bring a guest (me and I begged him not to). At the time we had only been dating for 3 months (I had met the groom numerous times, the bride lived out of town), but the wedding was 4 hours from where we lived and he knew no one, I mean absolutely no one at the wedding other then the groom and bride. At the time and even now planning our own wedding I think it was very unfair of them to invite him alone and expect him to drive 8 hours total by himself and attend a wedding without his girlfriend when he didn’t know anyone else. They did end up saying yes and we had a great time and gave a very generous gift.
We’re doing it pretty similiar to the way you guys are, but it’s sort of a case-by-case. I’m sort of shocked at how many people seem to assume that they are going to be invited with a guest. I’ve heard a few friends say stuff like “I need to find a date before October”- people that I have no intention on letting them bring a +1. I just don’ think they understand how expensive weddings are- I’m not paying $100 a plate for your bar hookup from last weekend!
i agree with everyone you handled this very well.
for us its a very small wedding and there has been a lot of grumbling from people that do not have control in planning our wedding. plus we only have a certain number of people that can fit onto the boat we rented.
I did my guest list like you did. I went case by case for some people who I know wouldn’t not know anyone. Some I didn’t add plus one, because I know there already a flake and have seen them RSVP for a wedding for plus two and not even show up. So just case by case unless your don’t have to worry about the money or the people limit then just plus one everyone! lol
The Mister invited all his friends plus one, whereas I only invited friends, and if they had a steady boyfriend or were married/would be married I invited their SO. I only had one friend ask me about bringing a guest, which was fine since I had a lot of people cancel from my list.
Getting packed into a venue like sardines doesn’t sound like much wedding fun. I’m sure everyone will understand once they get there, and good for you to stick by your decision. Family and close friends aren’t worth sacrificing for a Plus One that’s not close!
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Mrs. Cheeseburger, Baltimore, MD/State College, PA Age and Occupation: 25, Medical Student Fiance's Age and Occupation: 25, Medical Student Engagement Date: June 28, 2008 Wedding Date: March 2010 Venue: Catholic Church Ceremony & Hotel Reception About Me: I'm a passionate girl from Pittsburgh, currently living in Baltimore for school, who loves Penn State, seeing movies, football, thunderstorms, black and white photos, Christmas, good beer, my amazing friends and family, and of course, my mister! We met, fell in love, got engaged, and will be married at our alma mater (go lions!) in a traditional Catholic ceremony followed by a hotel reception with lots of DIY details. It means so much to have our families and friends meet at our favorite place on earth to celebrate our love for one another - I truly couldn't ask for anything more!
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