Confessions of a Long Engagement Bride

Confessions of a Long Engagement Bride

March 21st, 2010 @ 3:00 pm by Mrs. Jellyfish
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I have a confession to make. I haven’t been that into planning our wedding as of late. Cue Debbie Downer noise:

Maybe it has to do with the fact that we’ve already been engaged for 13 months and I just want to the wedding to be here already, or maybe it’s that finals/graduation are coming up and wedding stuff seems trivial, or maybe it’s because Mr. Jelly just got back from a deployment and I’m realizing that spending time with him is more important.

Or maybe, on top of all that, I’ve just come to the conclusion that wedding planning isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Let me explain. When you first get engaged, you’re all excited and everyone is excited for you. You surround yourself with wedding magazines and books, watch every wedding show on TV and scour the wedding blogs for inspiration. That was exciting for the first 6-8 months. But now, to be honest, it’s getting old. Maybe I’m just burnt out on wedding stuff, but lately I’m finding myself less than enthused on the wedding details. My solution to this problem? Put the wedding stuff aside and ignore it for a while. This isn’t the first time I’ve felt this way, and each time, the wedding bug comes back and bites me again. Sometimes we all just need a little break.

Don’t get me wrong; I am still very excited about getting married and celebrating our union with family and friends, but I think I’m more excited about the marrying-and-getting-to-spend-the-rest-of-my-life-with-my-best-friend part than the wedding planning part. Yes, wedding planning can be a lot of fun, and it can be a great way to explore your creative side. But what no one tells you is it can be very stressful too, especially if you are the indecisive sort like me. There are just so many decisions to make, and the wedding industry makes you feel like every single decision is the most important decision of your life. Granted, some brides manage to stay calm and collected and not stress over the little things, but I am just not that girl.

Another thing is the money. Everything wedding related is just so darn expensive. It kills me to think about how much weddings cost, especially in the Bay Area.

I don’t mean this post to come off as Debbie Downer or anything. I just want to break that stereotype that once you’re engaged you float around in a blissful state, impervious to life’s difficulties. (Maybe there isn’t that stereotype?) Because life doesn’t suddenly ease up for you to have the time to meet with vendors and work on DIY projects. You simply add those items to the already massive list of things you need to do, and move on with your life. And try to enjoy it. But if you find yourself not enjoying it sometimes – just know that’s normal, too.

And just because I do love SNL’s Debbie Downer, I’ll leave you with this:

Has anyone else hit a lull in their wedding planning?

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33 Responses to “Confessions of a Long Engagement Bride”

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Member

Lizabeth Lou (message) 212 posts, Helper bee

I agree, I am in a wedding planning lull. I have about another year too to wait.

3/21/10 @ 3:07 pm (reply)

Member

bohemianbailie (message) 980 posts, Busy bee

I have been engaged now for 9 months and have 9 or so left and I am in the lull big time. I feel all I have done is sign contracts but nothing that will actually make the wedding a wedding.

3/21/10 @ 3:15 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Dolphin (message) 503 posts, Busy bee

I understand how you feel. My future hubs and I have been engaged over 2 years. When get married, in less then 2 months, we will have been engaged for 2 years, and 2 months. Talk about a lonnggg time. I went through those lulls. I actually just came out of one. I’m also graduating with my Master’s degree about 2 weeks before our wedding. Don’t worry, the excited-ness of wedding planning will come back. Most of our stuff is done, but we still have a few things to design and print and put together, which makes me really excited. I love working with my fiance on wedding related activities, it gives us a chance to really break free of all the work in our lives and just do something together.

I guess what I’m trying to say is to cheer up, the wedding flurries will come back for sure.

3/21/10 @ 3:16 pm (reply)

Member

beth1125 (message) 328 posts, Helper bee

@bohemianbailie- it sounds like we got engaged/are getting married at very similar times!

I’m on spring break now so this week has been insanely productive (photographer, wedding bands, centerpieces, etc. etc.) But I am definitely anticipating a rut when classes start back up! ugh. finals.

3/21/10 @ 3:22 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Giraffe (message) 4,219 posts, Honey bee

I’m the exact same way. We have a 2.5 year engagement, and are only two months away from the one year mark. It’s been a long road, and I just can’t wait for the big day to get here. I had to push wedding stuff away for awhile before I could get wedding fever again.

3/21/10 @ 3:43 pm (reply)

Member

asunw (message) 550 posts, Busy bee

This post is right on, I’m a 28 month engagement girl and I’m so over being engaged and I still have 15 months to go ughh!
Oh well it’ll eventually get here.

3/21/10 @ 4:01 pm (reply)

Member

rplatzer (message) 265 posts, Helper bee

11 month engagement + 3L year of law school = constant planning! I was just thinking of how some people report a lull in their planning, and how there is no way that will happen to me. I will be finalizing things until the last minute because there is just so much other stuff happening in life. Not to mention the bar exam 2 weeks before the wedding. Eeek.

3/21/10 @ 4:13 pm (reply)

Member

rawrkitty1022 (message) 516 posts, Busy bee

Me too! I am in such a lull. Complete state of disenchantment with weddding planning. It’s like, all of the big decisions and stuff have been made and booked, but it seems too early to do the little details. So instead of doing anything, I just sit there and don’t do any of it. My fiance and I are also living in two different states right now, which really doesn’t help motivate me because we want to make these decisions together and work on things together. I’m figuring that things will pick back up eventually - maybe in a month or so…

3/21/10 @ 4:14 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Dolphin (message) 503 posts, Busy bee

Hey girls.. just to let you all know how I got through my lull, I started a blog. It helped to get my ideas out and collaborate with other brides (plus I stayed busy trying to make my blog pretty). I also met a bunch of awesome brides through it. I started my blog when I was 1 year out from our wedding. I also bought ‘the dress’ 1 year out from our wedding.

3/21/10 @ 4:22 pm (reply)

10.

Member

thebriz (message) 448 posts, Helper bee

I feel the same way; it got so stressful that we put off from our original date and it was the best thing. I also decided that when I meet folks, especially his folks, to avoid all wedding conversations because all it did was make me feel pressure to put on the best wedding ever - which is just ridiculous.

I’m still not jazzed but I am not nearly as stressed as I was. And since the invites have gone out and much of the wedding planning and vendors are done, I feel like I can finally breathe a little before the last minute push. It will get better.

3/21/10 @ 5:15 pm (reply)

11.

Member

NurseK (message) 162 posts, Blushing bee

Very well put. I know that I am excited to get married, but sometimes wedding planning can be so stressful and you feel overloaded. I’m glad I’m not the only one :o)

3/21/10 @ 5:37 pm (reply)

12.

Guest

Anna

I agree with you 100%! We too, opted to have a long engagement, and it just seems like it’s been dragging on soooo long. There was so much time in the middle of our engagement where I had nothing to do, and now that I’m three months out and have a ton to do, I’m just ready for it to be over. I’m afraid I sound like a Debbie Downer sometimes too, but I just can’t wait to be married. This engagement has been long enough!

3/21/10 @ 6:16 pm (reply)

13.

Member

mrspaetz (message) 3,805 posts, Honey bee

I think no matter the length of your engagement, there will bound to be some sort of lull period because people do get tired. Don’t worry, you are not alone!

3/21/10 @ 6:20 pm (reply)

14.

Member

krissybee (message) 3,921 posts, Honey bee

yes you are def not alone… i haven’t hit that point yet but i bet i will as i have a 2.5 yr engagement ( 1 year down.. and it went fast!). almost there

3/21/10 @ 6:44 pm (reply)

15.

Member

ZoeKat (message) 590 posts, Busy bee

I hear ya. It’s been 15 months for me and we have 4 to go. I just want to be married. I’m tired of the same people asking me every few weeks how my planning is going. I plaster a smile on and repeat “the big things are done; just details left.”

3/21/10 @ 7:49 pm (reply)

16.

Member

tea (message) 7,295 posts, Bee Keeper

my bestie felt like that too though she didn’t have as long of an engagement as you did. i think it’s natural to eventually come to that point though

3/21/10 @ 9:31 pm (reply)

17.

Member

jaymugirly (message) 112 posts, Blushing bee

I’m sitting here about to write my own blog about this “lull” I’m in. I know exactly what you mean!

3/21/10 @ 9:39 pm (reply)

18.

Member

jordynrose (message) 6,351 posts, Bee Keeper

As someone in the same boat as you, all I have to say is AMEN SISTER!

3/21/10 @ 11:34 pm (reply)

19.

Bee

Miss Taco (message) 950 posts, Busy bee

I hear ya on the long engagement. While it has its share of benefits, a lot can change and it always seems so (sooooo) far away.

I got engaged last May, and I hit a lull around the holidays. I just had no time and no patience to focus on anything, and some of our smaller tasks just couldn’t be done that early!

3/21/10 @ 11:43 pm (reply)

20.

Bee

Miss Taco (message) 950 posts, Busy bee

Also! LOVE Debbie Downer. Kudos!

3/21/10 @ 11:43 pm (reply)

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