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As a person planning a wedding - the most photographed moment of my life - I have a bit of an interest in what my body will look like that day. I don’t think I’m overweight, but I do tear through half a package of Oreos every month or so.
I am really lazy. My apartment building has a gym. It’s on my floor. Do I go there? Sometimes… and then I quit for two months. I know there aren’t any quick fixes, but I still want to believe! So when I noticed there was a Bikram yoga studio a block from my building, I gave it a shot.
I know there are some Bikram fanatics in the hive, so I mean no offense, but this class was… different.
For those that haven’t succumbed to the heat stroke that is Bikram, it is a 1.5 hour class in a heated room. I don’t mean 80 degrees or something manageable; it’s 105. It’s also a wee bit humid.
So let’s set the stage: you’ve rented a smelly mat because you’re new. The heat isn’t excruciating yet, but breathing feels a bit labored, like there’s a used sock on your mouth. Soon enough, you’re standing on one leg while the other leg is in some pretzel shape and sweat is pouring off your face. You can hear the plip-plop of sweat onto everyone’s mats. You start to realize you didn’t drink nearly enough water and that you’re surely in some inner ring of hell.
The sweating is no joke. My skin is usually a little dry but here, the skin was SLOUGHING OFF. I was constantly wiping my hands on my shorts so I could grip random limbs, but every time I did a nice streak of skin cells appeared. When I peeled my top off at home, I swear I heard a little splatter as it hit the floor. I’m not a person that perspires much, so this was a shocking fact for me.
Anyways, they let you drink at certain intervals and if you’re new and fainty-like, you can lie down on your back and regret your decision to come.
Before I totally make this class sound like the dumbest thing ever, the people in there were really flexible. I can’t touch my toes; these people could bend over and touch the Mesozoic era. It was pretty impressive to see people in all sorts of wild contortions. The heat really loosens up your ligaments, letting you stretch waaay more than normal. Which probably isn’t that safe, but I digress.
Now for the downer. One of my reasons for going were the online promises of major calorie burnage. Some calculators estimated 700 calories AN HOUR. That would be 1050 calories total (hooray)! Except several studies have debunked that.
If the ideal of oppressive heat and stretching appeals to you, this is the place! But if you’re looking for a pretty minimal investment to burn 1000 calories, you’re better off on the treadmill. Shudder.
What crazy things have you tried in the name of wedding body?
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