Mr. Veggie and I are in that weird place where we’re not quite sure what to call each other in public. “Boyfriend”/”girlfriend” sounds like he just asked me to the eighth grade dance. And I certainly can’t use our pet names in public. (Immigration: Why are you applying for this visa. Me: My um… lovey… is a full-time student?)
But “fiance” has just never sounded right to us. Plus, if I introduce myself as Mr. Veg’s fiance it inevitably leads to long conversations about wedding planning and proposals and sometimes I just don’t want to get into all that with strangers (that’s why we have the hive, right?).
Luckily here in New Zealand the use of the word “partner” is fairly common, and we’ve taken to using that pretty often. But it does sound pretty formal, and since I have a boyish name can lead to some mild, yet entertaining, confusion.
So, we don’t really have this problem solved, but occasionally if I’m talking to a stranger, who I’ll likely never see again, and Mr. Veggie is out of earshot, I’ll label Mr. Veggie as my “husband”.
I don’t do it very often, but when I do it always makes me smile. I get a little giddy. I feel mischievous. It’s like shaking your Christmas presents to try to figure out what’s inside (which I never do) or skipping ahead to the last page of a novel to find out the ending (which sometimes I do). I get a little embarrassed and look around to see if anyone we know might have overheard my white lie.
But yesterday, when we got to the check-out at the supermarket, each struggling with our overloaded baskets because we definitely weren’t going to buy enough to justify a full shopping cart, I, of course, decided I needed to go back to grab one more thing. Mr. Veg started to unload his 50 kg basket onto the conveyor belt and a woman stepped behind him in the line. I was coming back up the aisle and overheard this tidbit.
Mr. Veggie: “Um excuse me, but my wife just ran to grab one more thing, she’ll be right back.”
Be still my heart. He does it too! I melted.
Do you call each other something other than “Fiance/e”? Why?
It’s a good thing that you’re not like me. I call him Duck in the middle of a party and he learnt to live with it 
We think fiance sounds weird too! I think we’ve maybe used it in public a few times. But you’re right….boyfriend/girlfriend sounds minimalistic and not quite true, but we aren’t husband/wife yet. And fiance does lead to endless wedding discussions and it just feels weird to say! Where we live people would probably howl with laughter if we said “partner.” We haven’t figured out any good solution to this problem yet lol
We do exactly the same thing. Fiance just sounds so formal and strange….It just doesn’t sound like us. I’m so glad someone else out there feels the same way.
All my friends get med at me because I use boyfriend or husband. I hate the word Fiance and so I don’t use it. they are getting used to it but we still have our pretend fights about how he’s no longer my boyfriend, or how we aren’t married YET!! LOL I keep telling them how long they have till I will be allowed to use husband forever!
I also find fiance/e leads to too many questions – it feels so personal. But it’s also too bad, because now as our time for using it is running short, I’m feeling a little regretful that it will soon be over.
Sometimes I call him my partner/my significant other, but most of the time I still call him my boyfriend – which actually makes me feel a little bit sad inside (like I’m cheating or something?) when I demote him like that.
It’s too bad that so many of us feel embarrassed to break out the FI term in public.
Haha! I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one who struggles with this, though there’s really no rhyme or reason to which term I use. I rarely say fiance because it just doesn’t sound right, and then (as you noted) the conversation seems to inevitably shift to weddings. I actually call him my best friend a lot because, well, that’s what he is.
I love that you overheard him calling you his wife! That’ beyond sweet.
Love this post! I do it sometimes too. I agree, it makes me feel excited/sneaky.
I have trouble getting the word fiance out – it just sounds really old-fashioned and … sorta affected? Like I’m bragging about the wedding? Not sure why I feel this way.
But boyfriend seems weird, too. Especially when people then find out that we’re engaged. I’ve used partner, but people don’t quite seem to get that here.
It does feel like skipping ahead in a book!!
I always feel uncomfortable using the word fiance. I like hearing other people say it, I think it’s cute, but whenever I use it, it just feels like I’m trying to be fancy-shmansy. I like boyfriend, but it doesn’t quite describe him properly. I use the word “sambo” – it means something similar to a common-law husband (or wife, since it’s a unisex word). Technically it’s a live-in boyfriend without the negative connotations and with all of the legal rights as a spouse. It works for us, and in Sweden, where we’re living, a lot of times being a sambo is farthest people go.
But we’ve been practicing calling each other husband and wife. It always makes me giggle, even if it’s just the two of us.
Both FI & I are guilty of doing this. We’re both getting married for the 2nd time, and since we have 3 kiddos between us, it’s odd to say “this is my fiance”, because people then ask about our divorces, etc. Just so much easier to say husband/wife & avoid all the questions.
Ah! I am right there with you, there’s something about “fiance” that feels sorta… I dunno… braggy? I feel awkward saying it, even though it’s the right word. Mr. Paperbuttons likes to say it, but I think that might be because there’s a different reaction to a man talking about his fiancee than a gushing, giggling girl talking about hers. People’s eyes don’t glaze over and the word “groomzilla” doesn’t involuntarily flash across the room.
I’ll be happy when I get to call him “husband.”
i was on the phone with our cable company’s customer service and told them they were speaking to MRS. Boyfriend. My man was sitting right there and almost died. HA!
Every time I say fiance, someone says “ooohh” like I’m trying to be fancy. For people that know us and know we are getting married, I say boyfriend. For others, I say husband. On the boards, I usually say “my guy”.
I’ve never been a fan of “fiance”. I can’t say why exactly…it’s like my brother and his aversion to the word “smoothie” <— makes him shudder.
I prefer to say “my intended”. I like the sound and it conveys a much more personal message.
We “practice” using “husband” and “wife”, too. I even had to re-apply for my loyalty card at the pet supply place a couple months ago, and practiced by putting my new last name on it. The FI was with me when the cashier called me Mrs. HisLastName, and he loved it.
Someone called my fiance my husband the other day…I was incredibly giddy over it; it definitely put a smile on my face!
This was the sweetest story!!!! When its just me and him I say husband because I love the way it sounds and he will do it back. He thinks fiancee is weird though because he is Swedish and in Sweden there are seperate words for male and female engaged people.
daaawwww! That’s so cute I know what you mean about not really knowing what to call them. I think the whoe fiance/fiancee thing is weird bc no one really ever does it for that often. I mean, you can have a “boyfriend” for years and years and a husband for even more years but people rarely stay a fiance(e) for long!
That is the greatest story. So cute! My heart would have melted too.
We have struggled with the “labels” for the past few years that we have been living together. There doesn’t seem to be a good choice. I wonder if other languages has a way to describe have a good way to describe a long-term unmarried relationship?
Mrs. Veggie, Raglan, New Zealand/Scranton, PA Age and Occupation: 27, Director of Small Non-Profit Fiance's Age and Occupation: 42, PhD Student & Farmer Engagement Date: June 13, 2009 Wedding Date: August 2010 Venue: Indian Head Camp, Honesdale Pennsylvania About Me: I am a tree-huggin' farmer turned enthusiastic wedding-planner. I live in a house truck and wear flip-flops more often than shoes. In my old life I was a high school Spanish teacher in love with a crazy guy who lived off-the grid on a farm in New Hampshire. But, we decided to mix things up a bit, quit our jobs and move to New Zealand. My southern hemisphere lifestyle involves growing veggies, teaching, running our small non-profit, and surfing. I love laughing, singing, playing, and the inspirational Mr. Veggie (of course!). For our wedding, I am committed to throwing a killer party that celebrates our values without breaking the bank. Look forward to an eco-thrifty summer-campy weekend-long extravaganza.
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