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So I took a stab at writing my own little “letter” to read to Mr. Sew at our ceremony. My thoughts are to read our heartfelt sentiments to each other, then commence with the rings and traditional vows. I always love it when couples say something personal to each other. There’s something that just seems so special about it.
Anyway, I think I came up with a fairly good little piece. It conveys what I feel about as much as words can express, and I tried to keep the inside jokes and anything else that might embarrass us years from now out entirely. It’s honest, light on froof, with a touch of my own quirky spirit. I think Mr. Sewing would like it.
And speaking of Mr. Sew, as far as I know, he hasn’t written two words. I know he’s not entirely comfortable having his writing compared to mine, as he has always been strictly a numbers guy. But I know whatever he ends up writing will still be from his heart, whether it’s eloquent or not.
I imagine he’d say something like this:
(Manga image from Hot Gimmick, by Miki Aihara)
*Sigh* So here are the options -
Do I:
Mr. Sew would also like to add an option #4, which is the scenario in which I write his letter for him. Since that really defeats the whole purpose, I’m tossing this “option”.
As much as I want to express how much my future husband means to me, I don’t want him to have anxiety over this. Bad things happen when Mr. Sew has anxiety.
Did you or will you write your own sentiments? Is it a secret or are you well rehearsed?
I think my FI is leaning towards writing them ourselves although I suck at that and feel like it’s going to add so much stress since I’m some what of a perfectionist.
I think you should keep it a total surprise in my opinion. That’s the fun part!
Gosh, I am in the EXACT same situation! Mine would also love it if I gave him option #4.
It is such a hard decision!!!
I think we might go with #3 and use an outside person. It seems to have the best of both worlds - we still get to surprise each other, but we know it won’t be awkward or weird.
We wrote our own vows and went with #3. I was afraid of the exact scenario you mentioned. Mine would be all mushy and his would be 6 words (he’s an engineer). It actually worked out really well, and I loved that the first time we heard the words were during the ceremony. The other option we were thinking of was to come up with an outline together–like we each say 3 things we like about the other, recount a story of our courtship, vow 5 things. So I guess I’m giving you an option 5. Good luck!
I think you can just talk about how long they should be (eg Mr TM’s and mine’s vows will be like, 3-5 sentences, so we’re both on the same page) and leave it at that! Trust Mr Sew to come up with something, I think you’ll be impressed!
I say option 3, it’s always good to get another opinion, but save them for the wedding day for each other!
option 4 made me laugh. FI sounds a lot like your FI. we originally wrote vows together, but I decided against it a few weeks back and opted to write our own to one another. However FI is not a words man. He had some wonderfully heartfelt thoughts, but they weren’t complete sentences. We knew what each other had written, so I ended up “reorganizing” his thoughts with his approval. Basically I made his vows into full sentences.
I’d go for option 1 or 3 though. I think it’s good to know that they are somewhat similar, or at least complimentary.
I think you should just write letters to each other and then read them to each other during your first look if you are having one. What’s the point of sharing such personal thoughts to everyone? Your fiance sounds like he would write a more meaningful letter if he knew he didn’t have to say it in front of everyone.
Anyways, this is just what my husband and I did, and it made our first look really special. Plus it was nice to have a few minutes of private time that just the two of us could share. It was our favorite part of the day and neither of us will ever forget it.
I vote for option 3 because I like to be surprised but not *too* surprised 
Option 3 was highly recommended to us, and we’ll probably go that route. We figured it would be nice to have someone make sure it wasn’t a laugh-riot on one side and teary heartfeltness on the other.
I have a constant draft of my vows (he does, too), and they’re far from perfect or practiced! They’ll be read in something of a bullet-point format (things I vow to do, essentially), but I’m trying to get a good mix of heartfelt and funny in there.
I would love for us to do something similar…but this really isn’t my fiance’s style. He would be uncomfortable and anxious doing this kind of thing and it’s not worth it to me to force him into it. I do think we will write letters and read them in private, maybe at our first look. This will give us a special moment and it makes him feel comfortable. My mantra through all the planning has been that it’s his wedding too - and we aren’t doing anything that makes either one of us uncomfortable just to please the other. It’s making wedding planning VERY easy and nobody is upset Maybe consider doing a letter exchange in private, either deliver to each other pre wedding, during the first look, a few minutes together alone after the ceremony/pre-reception, or maybe the wedding night.
@cjm: that’s a good idea, having a structure as a way to make sure they aren’t too different!
@di5308: that does sound very much like mr. sew. that might be a good option!
@amariem25: @kim: true, this would be a good option as well. unfortunately though, it’s not the reading-out-loud part that makes him anxious, it’s the writing itself! I think di5308 summed it up well in that he doesn’t really write complete thoughts/sentences. maybe a bullet list like miss taco’s idea is a better idea?
I agree with Miss Trail Mix. Let Mr. Sewing know the angle you are writing from (deep or light hearted etc.) and let him run with it in creating his own vows. That way when you do read your vows to each other it will mesh and not leave the guests confused, but you can also get your element of suprise (if that is what you are going for). If you let him know how important it is to you for him to write his own vows, I’m sure he’ll oblige
I vote Option 3! Our officiant offered to do that for us and I think we’ll take her up on it.
we’re each writing our own and not sharing them until at the ceremony, but will consult between us regarding length and tone. we don’t really have anyone that we’d like to read them for us, so not really an option #3 for us. i think it will be fine though. good luck!
We’re writing our own vows, and I’m planning to ask the officiant to look them over to make sure they roughly match. One thing we did to help the process was agree on a format. Rather than just write a paragraph or two about how we feel, we’re following a slightly more structured format to ensure that we both come up with something similar. Good luck!
I saw option #3 so that the first time you hear each other’s vows will be the big day! Keep the element of surprise alive!
I say Option 5:
My husband and I also wanted to write something to each other, but he was nervous about doing so. It ended up being the most meaningful part of our ceremony.
I felt a little weird about sharing them with someone beforehand (option 3), but wanted to keep it a surprise from each other, so we sat down, and talked about how how long (number of lines,) and the style. (For us, we wrote starting with “Loving you has … (meant, taught me, etc etc… ”
and finished with “I promise to…” (insert ‘vow’ type items, although we finished with the traditional vows.)
It was perfect, and I’m so glad we did it this way!
Whatever you decide, do keep it a surprise from each other - it’s a really beautiful and powerful moment to hear the words for the first time during your ceremony.
Good luck!
We’re going to write our own vows too, and your #1 above has me most concerned, that they won’t have the same tone or length. I’m debating making a kind of Mad Libs thing, were we would each just fill in the blanks….maybe I’m a dork, but it’s the best solution I’ve thought of that will still leave a bit of the surprise!
we each wrote, agreeing to an approximate word count and duration, then about a month before the wedding we revealed it to each other. It turned out great for us!
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Mrs. Sewing, San Mateo, CA/Honolulu, HI Age and Occupation: 24, Electrical Engineer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Electrical Engineer Engagement Date: June 27, 2009 Wedding Date: July 2010 Venue: Anela Garden Chapel & Japanese Cultural Center, Honolulu About Me: I'm an easily entertained, compulsive idea-scheming machine who loves good art, good food, and a good engineering challenge. I'm planning a half-destination wedding on the beautiful island of Oahu - imagine a plethora of movies, art and games; savory Hawaiian food; blended Chinese and Japanese cultural details; lush, fragrant tropical flowers and all the air conditioning a NorCal native could want! And once I marry the love of my life, we'll come back to the 'mainland' to party it up all over again in my hometown of Salinas, the salad-bowl capital of the world!
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