On Crying

On Crying

April 1st, 2010 @ 1:57 pm by Mrs. Mouse
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I’m not a crier.

Sure, there have been times in my life where my emotions have overflowed and I had no choice but to let the tears fall. I find that as I’ve gotten older, however, and have less reason for drama in my life, I cry even less than I used to.

Normally, this isn’t weird to me. I like the fact that I have a handle on my emotions pretty much all of the time (well, for most of the month, at least). I like that hurtful things people say to me usually don’t get to me. (I mostly just find them kind of funny.) I like that when I feel like I am overreacting to something, I pretty quickly recognize it and can rein it in. I like that my husband is not the kind of person that does things to manipulate my feelings and cause me to cry. But I have to say that sometimes I feel like a freak because I didn’t expect to, and in fact didn’t, cry on my wedding day.

I’m sure I’m not the only bride out there who didn’t cry when she got married. But from reading wedding blog after wedding blog, I get the impression that many brides expect to cry and DO cry on their wedding days. Additionally, a lot of women seem to cry when their boyfriends propose (or when they get engaged, however that may be) as well. I didn’t. Was I overwhelmingly happy? Yes. But the tears? They didn’t come.

I think the expectation comes from this idea of what a “woman” is and how she should react in certain situations. Haven’t you heard a million times, sometimes even from feminists, that women are creatures of emotion? I dunno, I’ve just never really bought into that. I think I was a more emotional person when I was younger, but I think that has to do with the brain’s developmental stages: when you’re a teenager and in your early twenties, you feel everything more strongly, passionately, more personally, but this has nothing to do with your sex.

I’m probably over thinking this, but did any other non-criers out there feel like there was pressure to cry on your wedding day?

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46 Responses to “On Crying”

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Member

jgoulart (message) 1,069 posts, Bumble bee

I have a close friend who is like you, never ever cries. And that’s amazing to me. I wish I had that power. Absolutely every.single.emotion comes out my eyes. I can’t help it. I well up and tears flow. It’s like my body doesn’t know how else to react.

4/1/10 @ 2:00 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Jellyfish (message) 1,450 posts, Bumble bee

I didn’t cry when Mr. Jelly proposed, and I’m pretty sure I won’t cry on our wedding day either. But, if he cries, which he probably will, then I could see myself getting teary-eyed.

4/1/10 @ 2:00 pm (reply)

Member

labrat (message) 472 posts, Helper bee

My day hasn’t come yet but I tend to be the type that bottles all my emotions… For instance when my grandpa died when I was 10ish, I couldn’t cry, I wanted to but just couldn’t. Everyone around me was crying and I was just sitting there sort of emotionless. Maybe it was just the shock of it all happening so suddenly. Then like a month or two later I felt it. Usually it all just stays bottled up till I get so stressed that I have one of those tearfests but that happens at most like once a year unless I’m under intense amounts of stress.

4/1/10 @ 2:06 pm (reply)

Member

labrat (message) 472 posts, Helper bee

The only way I’ll probably end up crying on my wedding day is if it’s that time of my cycle where I get more emotional…

4/1/10 @ 2:07 pm (reply)

Member

Ms. Library (message) 1,250 posts, Bumble bee

I didn’t cry when Mr. Library proposed, and I kept asking everyone if I had to cry when I found my dress. I seem to cry during all the wrong times and stay calm during the ones where I am supposed to cry. As we have been planning, though, Mr. Library and I have shed a few tears because of how emotional different vows or songs are. It just means a lot when we know we are crying over how much we love something together.

4/1/10 @ 2:07 pm (reply)

Hostess

LatteLove (message) 5,587 posts, Bee Keeper

I cried on my wedding day, but only during the first look. I was just too embarrassed to cry in front of people. My voice did break when I was saying my vows.

4/1/10 @ 2:09 pm (reply)

Member

alivoo01 (message) 2,622 posts, Sugar bee

I didn’t cry when the FI proposed either. I felt like I should have, but the water works never came. So I’m not sure if I’ll cry at my wedding…

4/1/10 @ 2:11 pm (reply)

Member

Goldilocks1107 (message) 2,504 posts, Sugar bee

I cried at the proposal - mainly because I had convinced myself 30 minutes earlier that it was going to happen and that there were only 3 months remaining on my ultimatum to myself to move on if we didn’t get engaged. So I think I cried because it was such an abrupt shift in events . . . and that was the only way to let all those emotions out.

4/1/10 @ 2:15 pm (reply)

Member

Ella1978 (message) 2,027 posts, Buzzing bee

I cry at other people’s weddings.. shoot, I cried at that silly wedding video that was SO popular last year, with the Chris Brown song & the bridal party dancing in.. yeah, when the bride shows up, I still cried.. I’m a mess! I’m going to have to keep a tissue with me!

4/1/10 @ 2:18 pm (reply)

10.

Member

thebriz (message) 448 posts, Helper bee

I don’t plan to cry either; I rarely tear up about most things and I don’t anticipate getting emotional at our wedding. We plan to see each other ahead of time to take pictures; maybe we’ll both tear up a little then and it’ll be more meaningful then as it’ll be a more private moment between us, BM, MOH and photographer/videographer. But by the time we sign the ketubah, marriage license, take more picture with the family, and then walk down the aisle, it’ll just be a seque to partying it up with my friends. I think it’s normal.

4/1/10 @ 2:18 pm (reply)

11.

Bee

Miss Guinea Pig (message) 1,377 posts, Bumble bee

I didn’t cry when Mr. GP proposed, but when we went to tell my parents, I burst into tears! I’ll probably cry at some really weird, illogical, inopportune moment during our wedding, too I do think there’s pressure to cry, but I also don’t think it’s weird if someone doesn’t - I mean, it’s a happy day! Why is it weird to be happy and not cry?! I think it’s great you didn’t cry, you were just plain happy

4/1/10 @ 2:19 pm (reply)

12.

Bee

Miss Jellyfish (message) 1,450 posts, Bumble bee

@Ella1978: I cried at that too! How funny!

4/1/10 @ 2:24 pm (reply)

13.

Member

kristay (message) 63 posts, Worker bee

I didn’t cry at the proposal (pretty much knew it was coming) nor did I cry at the wedding. I DO have a tendency to cry when I get into a fight with someone or get my feelings hurt. But I really didn’t think I would cry at the wedding and, in fact, didn’t.

We’ve been to over half a dozen weddings over the last two years and always make bets as to whether the bride (and/or groom!) will cry. Only about half the brides have cried at the weddings we’ve been to (and my husband now has a theory that the girls you think WILL cry don’t and the ones you think WON’T cry do because we’ve predicted incorrectly the majority of the time).

I felt a little like a freak too, though, because some of our mutual friends intimated that it’s so “sweet” when the bride cries. I’d like to think I’m a super sweet person–but crying in front of our 80 closest friends and family members didn’t really appeal to me! I’m okay with not crying

4/1/10 @ 2:29 pm (reply)

14.

Member

gill84 (message) 725 posts, Busy bee

Try not to let the social pressure get to you! I didn’t cry when I was proposed to, and because of the ‘media’ or whatever, I started to (illogically!) question sometimes whether that means it wasn’t the right proposal, or the right reaction. Don’t let it diminish your day at all

4/1/10 @ 2:30 pm (reply)

15.

Member

tweds (message) 448 posts, Helper bee

I had no idea I was a crier until I was a bridesmaid in a very good friend’s wedding. She came through the church doors, and even though I had seen here just 10 minutes earlier, looking exactly the same, had bustled her dress and fixed her veil that moment was so beautiful I burst into tears. How embarassing!! I felt completely stupid as it was a perfectly happy occasion and I had nothing to be crying FOR, per se.

Now I am wedding planning myself I realize I will probably cry. There have been several (dozen :D) wedding videos that have brought me to tears already. There’s a twinkle of hope as I didn’t cry when I got engaged, but I wish I were a non-crier like Mrs. Mouse!

4/1/10 @ 2:32 pm (reply)

16.

Guest

Elisabeth

I am a crier, but didn’t cry at my engagement, when I found “the dress” or at the wedding (ok - I teared up a tiny bit on my way down the aisle, but it barely counts). Whereas at my uncle’s wedding 10 years prior, they had to stop the speeches at one point to see if I was going to be okay, I was bawling so much.

4/1/10 @ 2:34 pm (reply)

17.

Member

UCLAMeghan (message) 118 posts, Blushing bee

I’m a total no-crier as well. I hate that people assume I’m not feeling strong emotions about something important (like being proposed to) just because I don’t cry. I feel ‘ya…

4/1/10 @ 2:41 pm (reply)

18.

Member

missvintage (message) 571 posts, Busy bee

I didn’t cry when he proposed, but I am a bit of a crier at weddings, so I am fearful that I will cry at ours.

4/1/10 @ 2:46 pm (reply)

19.

Member

rawrkitty1022 (message) 516 posts, Busy bee

Thank you for sharing. I cry when I am stressed or when someone says or does something hurtful, even unintentionally. I hate crying, but I just really can’t control it when I have been hurt. I expected to cry when I got engaged….but I didn’t. And I felt bad. For someone who is so emotional, wasn’t I supposed to cry? What’s wrong with me? Thanks for helping me to realize that it’s a-okay if I didn’t cry during my engagement - not all girls do. And it’s okay if I don’t cry on wedding day….but if I do cry at other things lol

4/1/10 @ 2:47 pm (reply)

20.