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Remember on Friends (which you totally watch, I know you do!) when Phoebe said Ross was Rachel’s lobster? As I look forward to old age with Mr. Taco, holding claws in our tank, I think about how lucky we are to have found our lobsters, right ladies? You find your lobster, you have your wedding, and you reach another level in the Game of Life. You then, hopefully, do not become one of those “smug marrieds” all your friends worry about. Maybe you’ll buy a house or maybe you’ll have kids, or both.
Or, maybe, your trajectory is actually quite a bit different than everyone else’s in your journeys with lobster.
My girl M found her lobster when they were about 20. They actually decided to get married fairly soon after they were lobstered. They went to Reno and got hitched (sans friends or family, I believe, correct me if I’m wrong, M!) at a little chapel, returning afterward to more blinky lights and other delicious cultural offerings in the Biggest Little City. Their formal wedding was way later, in 2007, on their son’s third birthday. He was the ring bearer and he sat on the steps at his parents’ feet while they got married… again!
My other gal, B, is not married and doesn’t want to be.
She and D have been together for more than a decade, I believe, and they’re one of the strongest units I know. They decided to have a baby a couple years ago, and their daughter, L, is now a year old. B and D have regular date nights, in an attempt to be a couple and not parents, if only for two hours. L goes everywhere with stay-at-home B. I think L’s fearless journeys on the bus, to the store, and into some of the city’s most colorful neighborhoods will make her that much stronger as she gets older.
Amid all the concerns to do things the way it “should” be, I’m constantly inspired by off-path couples who, as far as I’m concerned, have won big in the Game of Life.
Did you travel an unconventional path with your lobster? How did you get to where you are today?
I found my lobster in middle school… and made him cry every day until the end of seventh grade. We finally became friends out freshman year of high school and have been there for each other through everything since then. We’re pretty traditional in how we have progressed, but it’s what we started as that makes us unique.
I’m in the same situation your friend M was in! My lobster and I will be having our formal wedding this November, and our daughter is 3 also.
It’s nice to read about someone else who did the same thing. Although everyone’s opinion is different, I don’t think what we’re doing is weird, just different, and to us it’s as important as if it was the first time we were getting married. Thanks, for posting!
I have Friends on DVD (only season 1 & 2 though) and just watched that episode! I love that one 
Compared to my other friends and relatives, we did go about things differently but compared to others I read about online it’s pretty common. Met online, lived together before marriage, got engaged, bought a house together and THEN we are getting married. Eventually kiddos will come too 
We met beginning of summer, talked until the end of the year and began dating then. Dated long distance for 1.5 years, both moved to mutal location for jobs and lived together for 1 year then bought a house together. A year later, we bought a business together, and the following year - got engaged! There’s no norm anymore is there?
I met my lobster online a little over 6 years ago, after giving up on the idea of ever getting anywhere with a man (I’m 44 and have had a few long term releationships with several losers). My lobster and I dated for 2+ years, and I moved into his home at that point. I still didn’t thik my lobster was going to become my husband, but…we are ring shopping, have our guest list together, and are going to check out some targeted sites next week (waiting for a little more cash for the ring).
I wll be 45 when we get married…my first, and hopefully only, wedding.
Aw, love that Friends episode…While Mr TM and I have travelled a pretty traditional path, I have immense respect those who don’t!
Ah, my lobster. We didn’t meet until I was 28, which still makes me feel like a dinosaur sometimes. 
I also just watched that episode (because I kept calling the fella ‘my lobster’ and he didn’t get it) Plus we had gone to a wedding were the bride and groom actually had that in their vows. Which was adorable!
I love hearing about couples that decide to go about things in a non-traditional way. I think it’s great for everyone to do what works for them.
LOVE that episode of Friends. I love hearing about couples that do things in a unique way!
We met and immediately knew it was different. A year after we met he propossed. And three months later we got married at a courthouse with only our closest friends and family. We have been married for about a year and it’s perfect!
Friends of mine staunchly refused to be “one of those couples who marry for tax purposes.” They lived together for several years in a rented house, figuring if they broke up, they could break the lease, or maybe one of them could stay and get a roommate, whatever.
Then they bought a house together, figuring if they broke up, one of them could buy the other out, or they could sell it, whatever.
Then they got a dog.
So they got married.
Sarah, LOVE it!
Yes ,we will also be making our dog “legit”. LOL!!!
My lobster and I met in high school while I was dating his friend. We will have been dating just shy of 12 years when we get married. I think people look to us for sage couple advice, but all I can say is that we’re both lucky we’ve progressed along the same trajectory. I know a lot of people can’t figure out why we didn’t get married years ago, but now it feels right. And isn’t that really what’s important?
Here in France it’s much more common to get married after having had a child. None of the bridal consultants were weird or mean about it as i feared they might be, when I was trying on dresses with a baby nearby.
I actually have 3 children and we’ve been together almost 10 years with my lobster. And when people ask why we’re getting married now, i say “we’ve physically built our family, piece by piece, now we want to built it symbolicaly too”.
FI and I have called one another our lobster since we began dating (because we knew we’d end together). Our path has been pretty traditional…we don’t even have illegitmate pets, but that is because we live in different states.
@Mademoiselle-Dentelle: @Mademoiselle-Dentelle:
I love that! “we want to build it symbolically, too”. That is such a great way of looking at it!
What’s working for us: get married (civilly), get married again (this time in a church setting), and then, eventually we’ll live together.
Believe it or not, we planned it this way! We felt emotionally prepared to commit our lives to each other despite living in different cities. We’d dated for 2+ years, 1.5 of that was a long distance relationship (LAX to ATL). Now we’re both in grad school in cities 2 hours away from each other, with not much in between.
Despite the distance, we felt it was time. We didn’t want to postpone the feelings of our minds and hearts until we had a chance to live together, nor in order to plan a big celebratory bash–so we’ve planned two services. The civil ceremony was just our parents and siblings, 6 months after our engagement; the church blessing of our civil ceremony with extended family and friends will happen this summer, just over a year after our engagement.
Our schedules will be more flexible in the coming months, allowing one of us to work from home, but in the meantime we visit every weekend.
It doesn’t work for everyone, and a lot of people don’t understand how it can work for us. But we couldn’t be happier, knowing that we’re committed partners in our life journey!
The only issue has been figuring out how to file taxes this year…
In the wedding world, I guess it’s a little unconventional to be getting married young like me and Mr. Turtle, even though we’ve been together for a long time!
On another note, someone needs to become a bee and choose the “lobster” icon. Perfect for a Friends fan!
Love this post!!! I met my lobster in college! This post is the EXACT reason that I love the lobster icon. “Awww, he’s your lobster!”
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Mrs. Taco, San Francisco Age and Occupation: 29, writer/editor Fiance's Age and Occupation: 37, editor Engagement Date: May 13, 2009 Wedding Date: August 2010 Venue: The Green Room at the War Memorial Veterans Building About Me: I like laughing and talking with good friends over good food and good drink, be it wine, cocktail, or brew. I write and edit things for fun and profit, but I rarely "write" these days without a keyboard and high-speed internets. Favorites include Mr. Taco, my Boston terrier, San Francisco, getting out of town, and the Roaring ’20s. I was kind-of planning a wedding since roughly 2006, when I discovered "Whose Wedding Is It Anyway?" on the WE channel. I ran and didn't look back with a theme I called "urban vintage," and it culminated in the most magical day a taco could ask for.
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