Irritable

Irritable

April 2nd, 2010 @ 2:51 pm by Mrs. Frozen Yogurt
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So, with about 2 weeks to go, I’m finding myself stressed, irritable and a wee bit on edge. Unfortunately, Mr. Fro Yo can sometimes take the brunt of that frustration. Actually, yesterday was the perfect example of that.

Let me give you a visual: We were walking the dogs, I was whitening my teeth with Crest Whitestrips, and yelling with a lisp (due to aforementioned Whitestrips) about how I don’t feel he fully supports me when it comes to planning the wedding. He said something about when did a bee get in my bonnet, or something about a bee and a bonnet and I could not stop laughing because it was so hilarious. Who says that? I felt like I was having an argument with my grandmother. So now I’m laughing, and my Whitestrips are falling off, and I look ridiculous. But it was good for us, because it broke the tension, and then we went about the day.

Irritable : wedding dallas emotional Bee1 bee1

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However, it made me realize that I need to speak up earlier when I’m not feeling supported. For instance, I was frustrated because whenever I ask Mr. Fro Yo to do something wedding related, he’ll inevitably ask me to remind him at some later point so he can follow up on it. I did this for months and didn’t say anything, but every time he asked me to do that, I was somewhat bothered. Then, we were writing our ceremony (OK, not writing it, but choosing which ceremony we wanted), and there was an exercise that asked us to write about our relationship including how we met, what attracted us to one another, and how he proposed. Well, he said he was certain all that information was somewhere else (our wedding website), so I should just pull it from that. I didn’t say anything and just filed it away as another to do item. But then, I pulled it out later and was frustrated that I had to do this task on top of all the other tasks I have on my plate. However, I didn’t say anything, I just got upset and held it in.

Finally, after all of this bubbled up, I got the “bee in my bonnet” and went off. Anyway, this is my long-winded way of saying that if you feel frustrated, overwhelmed, or unsupported, speak up. Once I let it all out, I felt so much better, and things changed instantly. He started working on projects and listening to me vent. I know that he would have done this all along if I had just said something, but he had no clue.

Has the stress of your wedding led to unnecessary fights? How do you handle them?

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17 Responses to “Irritable”

Bee

Mrs. French Bulldog (message) 7,730 posts, Bee Keeper

Great post Miss Fro Yo I think we all do this sometimes, it’s good to reminded not to keep stuff bottled up and to talk often. Thanks!

4/2/10 @ 2:56 pm (reply)

Member

pvaulter718 (message) 2,116 posts, Buzzing bee

Thanks for being honest I think lots of women think they’ll get to it later and just add it to the to-do list. I didn’t learn my lesson until I ended up crying in the shower. I won’t bore you with the story, but it was quite a scene. It’s not going to make you any less of a bride if you ask for help!

4/2/10 @ 3:05 pm (reply)

Member

Jamielee (message) 142 posts, Blushing bee

I agree, in fact, I whole-heartedly believe that not communicating, not speaking up about your needs/wants/expectations is what leads to the demise of so many marriages. I have seen it dozens of times.. women (or men) are irritated by something, but they hold it in and hold it in, and it builds up RESENTMENT and it ruins their relationship. My fiance teases me because when I have something on my chest, I have to stop right then, no matter what we’re doing, and hash it out. It seems silly at the time, but I want to get problems solved, and then move on.. not let things fester and then eventually explode!

4/2/10 @ 3:12 pm (reply)

Member

peachesandtulips (message) 408 posts, Helper bee

I know EXACTLY what you mean! My fiance is incredibly supportive but also very busy and afraid of making mistakes when it comes to wedding planning, so I end up doing most of the work.
I often get irritated and try to be honest about it without hurting Mr. P&T’s feelings, but it’s a hard balance to strike!

4/2/10 @ 3:17 pm (reply)

Member

Curlysue (message) 1,703 posts, Bumble bee

Very good point and the visual of you yelling with Whitening strips in and them starting to fall out is just hilarious! HAHA The bee in the bonnet thing sounds like something my FI says when I’m bouncing off the walls about something and I’m excited or the dog is running around like a chicken with his head cut off–he says, “Who put a nickel in your machine?!”

4/2/10 @ 3:24 pm (reply)

Member

mrs.lorson (message) 93 posts, Worker bee

I find myself getting so upset at this wedding that I just bawl and tell my FH that he is no help and that this just plain sucks. I hate not being 100 percent excited about the wedding but how can you be when it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders and the one person you can always turn to isn’t being the best support system or the most understanding. 8 more days and we can go back to being us. I cant wait!

4/2/10 @ 3:25 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Taco (message) 950 posts, Busy bee

I definitely go from zero to bitch as soon as he expresses confusion over something I think he should understand. And it’s usually something I’ve hashed out myself and then concluded on my own, thereby making it perfectly understandable why he didn’t get it. Ack.

4/2/10 @ 3:33 pm (reply)

Member

Miss Navy Blue (message) 74 posts, Worker bee

I can definitely relate! We’ve had one or two wedding-related fights along the way. My FH is adjusting to a new and very high-stress job so I’ve been hesitant to give him tasks or ask him to help, or to tell him that I sometimes feel unsupported so I have been bottling it up. Though when I inevitably do have a meltdown and he pitches in, things always get better and he’s great at accomplishing tasks & gettin’ the job done!! (In fact, he’s oftentimes *even better* at completing the tasks than I am!)

Having good communication throughout the stress of wedding planning is definitely key, though it’s not always the easiest to keep the lines of communication open.

I’m glad that your FH’s “bee in your bonnet” comment helped lighten the mood & break the tension! : ) It also made for a very cute story!

4/2/10 @ 3:46 pm (reply)

Member

Miss Spaghetti (message) 282 posts, Helper bee

Thank you for sharing your story. I can just picture the whitestripe falling off…I would do the same thing. I am trying to communicate and so far so good but I am also stubborn and know I would do the same thing and add it to my to do list and eventually explode once it kept building.

Two more weeks though and it will be all worth it for you!

4/2/10 @ 3:50 pm (reply)

10.

Member

dookie32 (message) 176 posts, Blushing bee

Great post- this is exactly the convo I had to have with my FH this week. Last week, I was so overwhelmed with all the stuff on my plate, and I felt like the very few things that I gave him to do, I had to follow up repeatedly about or just ended up doing it myself. It was really hard, but I finally had to tell him- I need you to stop acting clueless and HELP when you see me drowning in wedding planning hell! Even if it’s doing non-wedding stuff like cleaning or laundry. He said, like other people mentioned, that he’s afraid of not doing things the right way. I had to remind him- I’m not an expert at any of this stuff, that’s what the internet is for! So, I’m hoping he follows through with being more involved. I know he’s not trying to do it on purpose- but you have to speak up and not try and be a martyr by taking on everything yourself :).

4/2/10 @ 3:55 pm (reply)

11.

Member

vfoster03 (message) 474 posts, Helper bee

bee in the bonnet!! I love it!!!
On a serious note. I’m glad you guys were able to work everything out.

4/2/10 @ 3:57 pm (reply)

12.

Member

bananapants (message) 138 posts, Blushing bee

“Bee in my Bonnet” - Have you seen this Glee clip? Sue Sylvester uses that phrase in this clip about “sneaky gays”! (It’s HILARIOUS.)

http://popwatch.ew.com/2010/03/23/glee-sneaky-gays-sues-corner/

4/2/10 @ 3:59 pm (reply)

13.

Bee

Miss Cardigan (message) 8,645 posts, Bee Keeper

That’s such good advice - I know I always tend to hold things in until I feel like exploding!

4/2/10 @ 4:01 pm (reply)

14.

Bee

Miss Frozen Yogurt (message) 2,685 posts, Sugar bee

@bananapants: Ha! I love that show!!
@dookie32: Good for you! I know they get scared about messing things up, but as you said, we’re all learning, I’d never made a ribbon wand, program, etc before this, but you can learn!
@Miss Spaghetti: So true!
@Miss Navy Blue: So true, but it can definitely be hard!
@Miss Taco: Ha, zero to bitch, love it!
@Curlysue: So cute! I’m sure mr. fro yo will pull that one out eventually too.
@peachesandtulips: I know, which is why I kept it in, but that did absolutely nothing, so now it’s time to be honest!
@Jamielee: Good for you! I need to learn to do that.

4/2/10 @ 4:14 pm (reply)

15.

Member

missvintage (message) 571 posts, Busy bee

Great post! We have these exact same “conversations”. I call them arguments, but the boy calls them discussions.

4/2/10 @ 4:37 pm (reply)

16.

Member

Ella1978 (message) 2,027 posts, Buzzing bee

I think that the stress of the wedding, plus a bad work situation have literally made me a different person! I don’t like it, but can’t really see an end in sight!!! It’s frustrating. Luckily my FI and i are really good at communicating, so it hasn’t led to any type of distance! Glad you guys worked this out! Talking is necessary!

4/2/10 @ 7:52 pm (reply)

17.