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I’m not quite a die-hard fan of Vera Wang’s wedding dresses, but I am a fan of Vera herself. I remember when the Lifetime channel was getting into the wedding-TV craze, they would air a biography of her every so often, and I watched it nearly every time it was on.
When I heard her describe her latest line on the Martha Stewart Show “wedding” episode last spring, I thought it seemed uninspired. What bride wants to look like her dress just came from the washing machine??
But when it comes to individual dresses and ideas, Vera’s thought process is so interesting. Ivanka Trump’s beautiful dress got lots of people thinking twice about how beautiful & sexy one can be… without showing everything! Ivanka is pictured below, with her dress inspiration, Princess Grace.
from here
In this video, Vera talks through her process for Ivanka’s dress, and makes some interesting points regarding chastity, class, and modesty in wedding dresses.
She also throws out the idea that not too long ago, it would never have been proper for a woman of a higher class to wear a revealing dress. Imagine that!
In speaking about this dress, Vera reported that she is “tired” of the past 15 years of strapless dresses… and I do have to say it seems kind of ubiquitous. It would be great for sleeves, or, coverage in general, to be seen as an equally beautiful option instead of being relegated to the un-sexy, or the über-traditional (I’m referring to the media at large here — in real life we know how beautiful dresses with sleeves can be!).
Ivanka is a recent convert to Orthodox Judaism, and presumably decided on sleeves for this reason. But what if that wasn’t the reason? Currently, several of the articles describing her dress are quick to make the excuse, almost as if to say, “Well, she could have been sexy, but her religion got in the way.”
It’s true, we liberated women don’t need to trumpet our chastity down the aisle. But wouldn’t it be even more progressive if we acknowledged the complexity of both? That one doesn’t have to choose, that you can be both sexy and tasteful at once, that maybe your sexiness lies in your decision to be tasteful? That maybe there are other things to be on your wedding day besides sexy*? And who defines that, anyway?
*Seriously, I think it’s great to be sexy on your wedding day! I’m mostly complaining about the definition of it, and wondering about how susceptible we are to those mass media definitions.
Great post! Thank you Ms. Oyster! Hepburn was gorgeous and sexy and she didn’t show EVERYTHING!
This is interesting, because I think it was Vera herself that made strapless wedding dresses as ubiquitous as they are 
I don’t even see strapless dresses as sexy — they’ve been around since the 50s!
Great post, Oyster. I for one chose a strapless dress because that happened to be the one that made me feel the most beautiful, but I’d like to think I’d have been no less beautiful a bride had I made a different choice.
I love Vera Wang. I also prefer to be the bride with the dress that looks like it “just came from the washing machine” (as you stated) much more than the princess and ruched dresses that seem all the rage.
While I see nothing wrong with those styles, they–simply put–are not my style. However, I don’t see any reason to put down others’ style in favor of mine. To each his own.
As for the rest of your post, I agree that the strapless dress has taken over. Although, I do love strapless and it’s the best fit for me. But with so many body types out there, I hope brides choose what looks best on them and embrace all styles. Whether the style is viewed as sexy or not, it’s really the way you wear the dress and the confidence you exude while in it that makes the dress sexy anyway. I think Ivanka looks sophisticatedly sexy in her classic dress.
And why are dresses with straps more expensive?! I get that it uses more fabric, but let’s be real! I would love it if strapless dresses became just another option and not everything people seem to be selling.
Honestly - strapless dresses are more modest than some of the plunging neckline (or backless) ones I’ve seen!
Wonderful, thoughtful post, Miss Oyster. I love the last paragraph about the complexity of being a woman. I definitely think that women who look graceful and polished have a natural sexiness about them, as Ivanka demonstrated on her wedding day!
I love Ivanka’s dress. It made me wish that I looked around more for dresses with more to them then the strapless wedding dress I went with (I loved it too). Great thought provoking post!
I completely agree about the strapless dresses. While my actual dress was strapless I chose a dress that had a long sleeve full length jacket and then during the reception I replaced that with a bolero. I thought it looked modest, classic, graceful, and beautiful.
Great example of a post that used “wedding” as a springboard for a great and thought provoking post. I have also chosen a dress with straps (in a somewhat portrait style). I think strapless dresses are beautiful, just not beautiful on me. I am a tiny bride that looks way younger than I care to look A dress with sleeves or straps seems to give me a more mature and timeless look. You’re right! You don’t have to show skin to be sexy.
Mrs Glitter, I believe, wore an unreal gorgeous dress with lace sleeves…But you’re so right, strapless is def the norm and it’s not fair to say that only one or two styles are “sexy”…
The one thing I was sure of when I started dress shopping was that I did not want strapless, mostly because of its ubiquity (and a little bit because of paranoia of being one of those brides who spends the whole reception tugging the dress into place). And I ended up buying one, which, because it hits above my cleavage, and is a-line taffeta with a lot of crinny lining underneath, is actually much more sweet and way less sexy hott than most of the non-strapless dresses I’d tried on, which mostly seem to be available in much more form-fitting cuts or clingy drapey fabrics.
The first time I was married, in 1977, strapless dresses were still considered rather too risque for a wedding. I had a dress that come up to my neck and down to my wrists–even though the wedding was in June.
This time, my now wife and I went looking for dresses with a bit of extra coverage. In the first place, we were getting married in October in Massachusetts, so we wanted something warm. In addition, my wife is rather top-heavy, and always feels like something is going to fall out in a strapless dress.
My wife ended up in a dress that had straps, but no sleeves. I ended up wearing the first strapless dress I had ever owned–notwithstanding the fact that I turned 56 on my wedding day. Every bridal shop we went into basically said that if we wanted something with sleeves, we would have to buy a bolero to go over the dress–wedding dresses just don’t come with sleeves.
I’ve heard from other brides that they just don’t want strapless dresses–because they want more support, because they are older and have lost tone in their upper arms, or just because they prefer the look. However, the only wedding dresses available with more coverage are designed for LDS brides or brides with similar religious requirements for “modesty,” and thus are designed not to look sexy.
Unfortunately, this is just one aspect of a fashion industry in which planned obsolescence is a major feature. It goes along with pockets or other utilitarian features being universal in some years and completely “out” in some years. The woman who likes pockets sometimes can’t find them and the woman who doesn’t like them sometimes can’t avoid them.
So yes, you see the very same designer who made strapless dresses ubiquitous now talking about the joys of more cover-up. But you can be certain that regardless of whether strapless dresses are “in” or “out” 10 years from now, women still won’t have choices that enable them to find something that works with their body types and preferences.
she is a gorgeous bride, as she would be in anything. those are barely sleeves though in reality - being so sheer and all. But regardless I like the trend even though I opted for strapless. My tatas will still be covered up more then a friend who had a halter.
thanks for writing this! ivanka trump is my bridol
i dress modestly nearly all the time because i have always been uncomfortable with putting my to-big-for-my-figure chest as the main event. my wedding day will be no exception!
demure and sleeve-d is ME, and i won’t wear a strapless dress just because they are what is most popular in this decade.
Interesting post! I chose to wear a wedding dress with sleeves (Thanks, Trail Mix, for the shout out!). It wasn’t that I necessarily ruled out a strapless dress, but in the end, I felt like I looked like my best self in the dress that I chose. In all fairness, I didn’t try on a lot of dresses, but my final choice dress just looked right on me. I did feel a lot of pressure from the bridal fashion industry to go strapless. Some even made me feel like it was “wrong” to not want strapless. (This gave me anxiety and caused me to second guess my dress choice on several occasions!) But in the end, I am so happy with how it turned out. My dress fit me very tightly around the waist, and I felt very sexy at my wedding even WITH the sleeves. So, like above posters are stating, it isn’t always about the sleeves or the amount of exposure, but the cut of the dress, too. Also, I think you can be sexy and tasteful at the same time…absolutely! You’ve just got to know how to reveal just enough so that you fit the occasion - beach wedding, church wedding, etc.
I think that pretty much all wedding dresses can be sexy and gorgeous, it just depends on how you feel about yourself in the dress!
I decided on a one-shoulder style before even tiring on anything, as I was completely bored by seeing bride after bride in a strapless dress. It has started becoming a default and somewhat unimaginative - no disrespect intended to those with a strapless they thoughfully chose and look beautiful in, but I was amazed at the confused looks in bridal salons when I would ask for something different. One consultant told me I would look “less than bridal” - it’s refreshing to see lace sleeves, halters, asymmetry and high-necks making a comeback. Beautiful comes in all shapes, and sexy is so much more than skin.
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Mrs. Oyster, Dallas Age and Occupation: 30, Music Teacher Fiance's Age and Occupation: 46, Art Teacher Engagement Date: January 9, 2009 Wedding Date: July 2010 Venue: The Tower Club About Me: I'm a Texa-Californian with a penchant for sparkly things and a tendency to think a lot. I've been known to sing random songs or dance when there is no music on. My fiance and I love world culture, we love to travel, and we have an incredibly eclectic taste in music. We’re thrilled to have the opportunity to celebrate our marriage with our family & closest friends. We're planning an “urban black-tie” wedding and hope to incorporate our personalities and some of our own interests. We look forward to a life of love, laughter, good music, beautiful art, and to creating our home together with our four (!) cats.
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