You Can’t Always Get What You Want…

You Can’t Always Get What You Want…

April 6th, 2010 @ 6:54 pm by Mrs. Trail Mix
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A while ago, I was reading the ever-sensible and down-to-earth A Practical Wedding blog and came across a post about choices. In essence, the entry argued that everything regarding the wedding was a choice, not a necessity. You don’t need to have (insert any number of wedding-related items here), but most of us want them and therefore have to choose what to incorporate. Great advice, if I ever heard it, and I’ve kept it in my head since.

I’ve been thinking about this advice with the recent arrival and departure of our invitations. I’ll admit, my invitations were not in any way a DIY project nor were they particularly cost-effective (I got a great deal on them but they were well over the usual cost per invite of a handmade one). I love them to death but the cost left little room for extras.

Which is why I chose to not have calligraphy addresses or even faux-lligraphy addresses. Nope, instead I grabbed a pretty, light blue Gel ink sparkly pen and wrote everything out by hand, adding a few flourishes here and there, but nothing super-intense. Although there was a big part of me that was convinced that the outside of the envelopes had to be as beautiful as the insides, the budget has been steadily increasing as the wedding approaches and we all know the feeling of panic that tends to accompany that phenomenon.

Ultimately, when it came down to hard numbers, as much as I wanted to have beautiful envelopes featuring calligraphy, it just did not make sense to spend the extra money and therefore I made the decision not to do it.

So far, I think the decision was the best one for us, although there is a part of me that yearns a bit wistfully for lovely calligraphy on our invitations.

I guess the point of this post is to remember that every wedding decision is a choice, not a necessity, and there is always an alternative, although it may not be as attractive. For the most part, I’m very happy with the choices we’ve made regarding the wedding, but some of them have required serious thought and some late-night tossing and turning.

What choices have you made during wedding planning that you really had to think long and hard about?

Tags: albany, calligraphy |

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18 Responses to “You Can’t Always Get What You Want…”

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Arachna (message) 1,267 posts, Bumble bee

Keep in mind that it’s the more “proper” and considerate to your guests way to do it. Farming it out to a calligrapher from an etiquette standpoint is no different than using a printer the difference is in doing them yourself. I realize this isn’t the point of the post and agree with you on a wedding being a huge list of choices.

4/6/10 @ 7:01 pm (reply)

Member

lindsaylee13 (message) 106 posts, Blushing bee

I totally agree! The FI and I are paying for our entire wedding except my dress, and since we are college seniors the fact that we have been able to pull it off is a really cool blessing. We’ve been able to pull together a great wedding plan that I am so excited about! The only thing I am rather sad about is that there was no way we could afford live flowers for the bouquets and boutonnieres, so over spring break I scoured Hobby Lobby and afloral.com grabbing all the silk flowers I had wanted as live ones. So everyone has gerber daisy bouquets and silk rose boutonnieres that I made myself for the wedding and mine is a mix of daisies and roses. I’m a bit sad they aren’t real, but I suppose in the end I can keep my bouquet forever!

And really, when it’s all said and done, we’re going to look back and remember the people that were present on the wedding day and all the great memories, not fuss over the fact that the stationery wasn’t printed on fancy paper or if the flowers weren’t real. I hope so at least! haha

4/6/10 @ 7:03 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Jellyfish (message) 1,450 posts, Bumble bee

Great post, Trail Mix! The fact that weddings are just a bunch of choices has been hard for me, because I’m so indecisive. But it helps to realize that most of these things aren’t necessities. As one of the other Bees said (Yorkie I think?) keeping the purpose in mind rather than the details helps!

4/6/10 @ 7:56 pm (reply)

Member

sapphirebride (message) 1,750 posts, Buzzing bee

Want vs. choice has been my biggest mantra through planning. Especially when somebody asks me what we’re doing for x aspect of the wedding and I just say “we’re not doing x.” Of course, people always assume it is financial…some things we can afford we don’t *want* and some things we want we can’t *afford*.

Some of our hardest are a delayed honeymoon (due to my school schedule), having beer, wine, champagne, and hard cider at the reception but no hard alcohol (budget), and having our ceremony and reception in the same exact place without a good place to put people in between the two events (logistics and budget).

But it’ll be our wedding and our nearest and dearest will be there and it’ll be a grand party nonetheless.

4/6/10 @ 8:37 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Frozen Yogurt (message) 2,685 posts, Sugar bee

Definitely true, and it’s good to be reminded every once in a while because it’s so easy to forget, especially when you read so many blogs and see so many pretty pictures.

4/6/10 @ 8:44 pm (reply)

Member

froggy518 (message) 268 posts, Helper bee

Definitely true, but I hear that if you try sometimes, you get what you need.

Couldn’t help myself.

On a more serious note, I think what you do with the choices - especially the ones that lead you away from what’s popular, expected, or typical - are what make your wedding unique. Calligraphy is lovely. There’s a reason why so many people choose to incorporate it into their weddings, but you and Mr. Trail Mix strike me as more of a gel pens kind of couple anyway. Gel pens aren’t calligraphy, but maybe they’re more you. The choices we make in wedding planning (and in most everything else, for that matter) tend to reflect our priorities, and that’s probably one of the most substantial ways we inject our personalities into the whole debacle.

(And gel pens totally rock in their own right.)

This is a really great post, Miss Trail Mix. I salute you and your beautiful gel-penned envelopes.

4/6/10 @ 9:06 pm (reply)

Member

Marinara (message) 392 posts, Helper bee

I really went into with the attitude that I was just gonna pick and choose the stuff that I liked & made a difference to me, and then do all the other stuff that I didn’t care about cheapo. One of the things I didn’t care about was the invites! We chose some cheap printable ones that went with our general look & called it a day. But I had tons of fun doing our STDs cuz I had an idea for those… we’re not having dancing cuz we just don’t care about it, no attendants cuz we don’t care… the list goes on & on. I’m all about picking & choosing from wedding traditions!!

4/6/10 @ 9:34 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Hamster (message) 4,046 posts, Honey bee

You are absolutely right - thank you for this post! Next time I feel like we *have* to have something, I’ll come back to this.

4/6/10 @ 10:29 pm (reply)

Bee

Mrs. Swan (message) 1,046 posts, Bumble bee

I totally understand. There were lots of things we didn’t do and we just didn’t think it was necessary (It was favors for us). Your resources can only go so far.

4/7/10 @ 7:38 am (reply)

10.

Member

crissycakes (message) 118 posts, Blushing bee

I heard once that the wedding is just a day, your marriage is a lifetime, the only things you have left over after the day are your mate and the pictures. Whenever I get overwhelmed, I just think about how I’m just trying to throw a really awesome party.

4/7/10 @ 8:16 am (reply)

11.

Member

Champagne Wishes (message) 1,187 posts, Bumble bee

Great post! It rings very true to our wedding and how we are trying to stick to our budget.

4/7/10 @ 8:20 am (reply)

12.

Member

ktisthatbees (message) 2,742 posts, Sugar bee

O.k. Trail Mix, thanks to your link I am now addicted to yet another wedding blog, Practical Wedding is awesome !!!!!!! Megs post on What I learned about money while planning my wedding is now my money mantra going forward. Can someone come to Atlanta and hang out with my friends? Cause I will have no time for them now, between constantly being on weddingbee and APW,

4/7/10 @ 8:51 am (reply)

13.

Member

Chicagolash (message) 3 posts, Wannabee

I think you made the right choice with the caligraphy. The hardest decision I have had to make is trying to figure out where exactly to hold the reception. I have a big, Filipino famiy, so trying to find a place where all the relatives can find and be comfortable is going to be a struggle.

4/7/10 @ 9:09 am (reply)

14.

Member

AmberWaves (message) 326 posts, Helper bee

I too used a gel pen. Pick your battles I say and save cash where you can.

4/7/10 @ 9:41 am (reply)

15.

Member

alivoo01 (message) 2,625 posts, Sugar bee

We’re also foregoing the calligraphy and have chosen instead to print the addresses via our home printer and will be handwriting the escort cards with a gel pen. My handwriting is too horrific for so many lines on the envelope! haha!

4/7/10 @ 11:50 am (reply)

16.

Member

OctPumpkin (message) 593 posts, Busy bee

I think I’m blessed because I seriously don’t care what other people think is “right” and “necessary” about including in a wedding. I am planning the wedding that my FI and I want and at a price we feel comfortable with. I do feel lucky that my parents are behind me and support our strong will to do what we want : )

4/7/10 @ 6:54 pm (reply)

17.

Member

jordynrose (message) 6,351 posts, Bee Keeper

Definitely cut the little details to accomodate a larger guest list so all family could attend.

4/8/10 @ 12:19 pm (reply)

18.

Member

mrspaetz (message) 3,805 posts, Honey bee

Agree with #16 that we just went with what we wanted (simple, unconventional) rather than bending to wedding convention. So we had a great time w/o spending a lot!

4/8/10 @ 9:58 pm (reply)