Weddingbee Blog

In my recent admission that I’m none too creative with ideas three weeks before the wedding, I had a moment of reality check: I’m going to be a wife. Like, a living breathing wife with a husband, and another human being upon whom my decisions will need to be discussed, shared, and decided together.

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Gone are the days of “I’ll just move to Denver now” (so, this never happened, but you get the idea). No more large life decisions alone, because I’ll be one part of a whole. I want to move back to Rome. We want to do the Peace Corps—does one mean that the other can’t happen?

Probably not, but time, and money, aren’t endless. I want to go back to school and get my PhD or something—but I also want to have a baby and/or children in the somewhat soon future (as in, before I’m 30). I still want to continue to do well in my current job, and potentially move upward in the organization I work for. I want to buy a big house—before I’m 30. Again, time and money are NOT endless—AND I have another human with whom I need to discuss how to spend these two things.

I’m incredibly excited to be a wife, and have a husband, but this reality check hits home because I’m realizing that I have high standards for the wife I want to be. I want to be the intangible things, like supportive, loving, trusting, and a good listener and I want to be those more tangible, real things too.

I want to be attractive to my husband as we grow older. I want to continue to learn and grow so that we’ll always have new and interesting things to share and discuss. I want to travel and have new experiences together, and I want to be a good mother (because that’s incredibly tangible…).

One thing I’m not attaching to becoming a wife? A strong desire to make dinner every night nor an urging to make the bed or clean the house. I don’t fault women who DO maintain these expectations of themselves—I just know that with my 50-60 (sometimes 70, 80) work weeks, these two wifely expectations—often held up by societal images and the media—are not ones I hold myself to.

The months of planning have allowed me to get used to being a “fiance”. I’m overwhelmed by the hidden attachments and expectations that come with being a “wife”- both my own, and society’s.

What expectations do you have of yourself as you become a “wife” or “husband?” Do you feel pressure to live up to some standard of your own or society’s?