Define &#8220;Clean&#8221;

Define “Clean”

April 16th, 2010 @ 6:16 pm by Mrs. Penguin
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Mr. Peng and I have distinctly different ideas of what “clean” is. To me, it’s the absence of germs and dust. To him, it’s more being “tidy”—the floor and tables being free of clutter.

I am a self admitted clutter monster. I’m guilty of just spreading my stuff OUT. I don’t love germs or things that have been sitting out for long… and that means a new dish every time I eat something new, a new glass every time I reach for a new drink, new undies every time my undies have been off of my butt for more than 5 mins. (Strange. True. I like new undies. What can I say?)

Often we’ll lie in bed and tease each other about this and that. It’s part of the way we communicate. But often our “teasing” about cleaning ends in me being in a huff. The mister will tease about how I’m so incredibly messy, how I never take the dirty coffee pot to the sink or how my clothes are strewn all over the chairs, and I fire back, asking him what magical fairy princess dragon slayer he thinks comes in and sanitizes the bathroom, mops the floors, sweeps the stairs, scrubs the sink and the stove with baking soda and vinegar, dusts the house top to bottom, washes the sheets, follows the dog around with plastic baggies every morning and is a living, breathing shit receptacle for the dog. Oh, yeah. I work too. Magical princess, indeed.

I recognize that I’m “messy”. But I feel like if he doesn’t like seeing a dirty coffee pot sitting on the bar, then it’s his job to clean it up. Otherwise, I’ll simply leave it dirty, and clean it out when I’m ready to use it again the next day. And this goes with my clothes as well. Yes, they’re unsightly (to him). But he’s free to clean it up at any time. Is it my mess? Sure. But does he walk on the floors that I mop? Does he make poopie in the toilet I scrub and bleach?

This is not as much as a rant (ha) as it is a plea for help from others who live together or newlyweds that are in a similar situation. I’m sure many of us out there are in a similar situation, where one spouse is “germ-clean” while the other is “clutter-clean”, or some variation of one person being cleaner than the other. I don’t want to get into a situation where “I clean my mess and he cleans his”. This simply isn’t possible. I like to be the one to do the deep cleaning; it gives me more satisfaction that I do it my way.

Have you worked out a shared cleaning situation with your spouse? What is it?

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42 Responses to “Define “Clean””

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Member

Meowkers (message) 3,460 posts, Sugar bee

We’re the exact same way. He hates messes and i’m MESSY. Meanwhile it has never occurred to him that the bathtub does not magically remain clean and that the floors don’t vacuum themselves.

4/16/10 @ 6:22 pm (reply)

Member

lrwedd (message) 442 posts, Helper bee

OMG is this post for me!? LOL. We are YOU! Everything you said is exactly how it is. I’m germ-clean and he’s clutter-clean. LOL This was so well put! I don’t think my FI knows where the mop is, or how often I clean up dog poop in the backyard, but heaven-forbid I leave my sweatshirt over the chair or my shoes out of the closet! And I’m the one who is messy, but I have NEVER seen him with the toilet brush in his hand. LOL Now I’m venting. I’m happy I’m not the only one!

4/16/10 @ 6:27 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Thimble (message) 806 posts, Busy bee

We’re the same way too! I have absolutely no advice, even after 3 years of living together.

I will try to comment on my messy clutter before he can so he will know I plan on picking it up as soon as I get a chance. But he’ll claim it’s not a big deal and he doesn’t notice it. Then the next thing I know he’ll be annoyed by it and ask me to pick it up and I’ll get pissy because I hate being told what to do (separate issue) and I’ll silently steam over how I’m the only one who cleans the toilet lol.

It’s settling with time and as we understand each other and our needs and values more. But I think this is an age-old odd-couple situation.

4/16/10 @ 6:28 pm (reply)

Member

andreaandchinelo (message) 535 posts, Busy bee

I actually hate messy and germy so I’m no help…DH doesn’t mind either…so you know who does most of the tidying and deep cleaning :/. In no way am I trying to be snarky or mean, but I can say from someone who’s mother was messy though, that I never understood the two concepts. To me dirty is dirty, whether it be a pile of clothes on the floor or the bathtub not being scrubbed.

4/16/10 @ 6:30 pm (reply)

Member

kristay (message) 63 posts, Worker bee

I wish I had the same problem! Sadly, my husband does not see the clutter as “mess” nor does he see the toilet bowl as “dirty.” So it falls to me to take care of both the clutter and the germs!

However, I will give him credit for mowing the lawn and keeping our yard tidy. I was giving him a hard time recently while we were cleaning and he responded, “you now, mowing the lawn and sweeping the dirt and raking the leaves is all cleaning too!” I had to admit he was right–I just never really cared too much about our yard!

4/16/10 @ 6:33 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Trail Mix (message) 6,328 posts, Bee Keeper

I’m both and he’s neither. Not having a dishwasher might actually be the death of our relationship!

4/16/10 @ 6:34 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Thimble (message) 806 posts, Busy bee

I will say it helps to communicate (of course). When we have some free weekend time, I’ll often ask for his help and his eye to organize my stuff. And often he’ll just put all my stuff in a neat pile for me… which is usually helpful.

The problem comes in when I ask him to clean the bathroom or dust- he’ll do it no problem, but I’ll re-clean after him because it’s not quite enough =) So, I don’t ask him that much.

4/16/10 @ 6:43 pm (reply)

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Kimi Boustany

Found your blog today. I am in Lafayette and my daughter is getting married in Aug. I wanted to add you to my Google reader but did not see this as an option? So I wanted you to know that I enjoyed your post!
Thanks for the info.
~kimi~

4/16/10 @ 6:43 pm (reply)

Member

msritaliu (message) 107 posts, Blushing bee

i agree with all the other bees out there…i felt like the post was an ode to me and my husband. AHAHA. I’ve lived with my husband for almost 8 years (most of which was before we got married - last month!) and i have no advice. I think we have managed to make it work, but I think it might just be that we’ve stopped pointing it out? haha. Loved the post! It’s nice to know I’m not the only messy one out there!!

4/16/10 @ 6:52 pm (reply)

10.

Member

CheeseCrackers (message) 19 posts, Newbee

We’re exactly the same way! My recommendation is to invest in a monthly or biweekly visit from a house cleaner. I honestly never thought I would do that, but after we did, it has been the best thing ever! Definitely worth skipping a couple of date dinners to fund and much better for our relationship and schedules!

4/16/10 @ 6:52 pm (reply)

11.

Member

Meowkers (message) 3,460 posts, Sugar bee

@bexyk- the few times I asked FH to actually clean something, (the bathroom counters, the tub, etc), I just had to redo it as well. I felt bad and didn’t want to hurt his feelings so I had to send him on a fake errands to re-clean when he was out. hahaha

4/16/10 @ 7:01 pm (reply)

12.

Member

krissybee (message) 3,921 posts, Honey bee

us tooooo! when i “clean” its dusting, vacuuming, taking clothes out of drawers and cleaning them, cleaning the kitchen cabinets, etc. “Cleaning” to him is putting dishes on the counter from the living room table and cleaning clutter. Long story short i get stuck cleaning everything. owell.

4/16/10 @ 7:28 pm (reply)

13.

Bee

Mrs. Gummi Bear (message) 224 posts, Helper bee

I’m a walking pig pen. Mr. GB cleans everything. I also get a new thing and have the same new undies issue! I looooove new fresh undies.

Because I’m so used to Mr. GB cleaning things, I do things like … leaving banana peels on the floor next to the bed, eaving wrappers on the bed, and putting popsicle sticks into cups he’s currently using. He’s pretty tolerant.

4/16/10 @ 7:42 pm (reply)

14.

Member

riley jane (message) 571 posts, Busy bee

This is so us! I’m germ clean, he’s clutter clean. We don’t live together yet, so we’ll see how it goes…

4/16/10 @ 7:47 pm (reply)

15.

Member

Rocktsrgn (message) 494 posts, Helper bee

Argh. This IS us. I’m very messy, but I’m right there with you on the germy stuff (down to getting new undies all the time). He’s almost disgusting with his tolerance for grossness, but hates seeing my crap everywhere. We haven’t really figured this out yet, but we’re working on it. We actually have a cleaning chart, but have yet to follow it. So I leave my stuff everywhere because “you didn’t clean the bathroom!” Very mature of me. *sigh*

4/16/10 @ 7:51 pm (reply)

16.

Member

eimersc (message) 235 posts, Helper bee

I concur wholeheartedly. My FI throws pity parties for the new domestic chores he has occasionally picked up since we lived together. Probably best we moved in early or we may have killed each other the first year getting adjusted to one another’s styles! haha

4/16/10 @ 8:09 pm (reply)

17.

Member

LisaBee (message) 358 posts, Helper bee

I might be loosing my mind. Mrs. P, have you posted this before? I think I am going crazy, I swear I read this before!

4/16/10 @ 8:15 pm (reply)

18.

Member

Babeeshoop (message) 40 posts, Newbee

I laughed right out loud when I read this. We are the SAME EXACT WAY. Most days it doesnt bother me, and then others (like most of you) I sit and stew over it for a short while. I will be the first to admit that I dont like to clean up my clothes that I may leave sitting around or a few papers on the counter, but that im the one that cleans the rest of the house (thank god we have 5 acres our 2 dogs can use as their lavatory so its not near the house-haha) I work, clean and do a lot of the yard work as well. We have talked about this and he might come back with he works longer hours and more days a week than me (which I understand) but it still get upset!! Not sure if this will ever go away

4/16/10 @ 8:49 pm (reply)

19.

Member

airythia (message) 344 posts, Helper bee

for me it’s more of a location thing. i have to keep the bathroom, kitchen, living room clean but i’m terrible when it comes to my bedroom clutter-wise. FH is the same except his bedroom is clutter-free and his kitchen is the cluttered one. le sigh

4/16/10 @ 9:04 pm (reply)

20.

Member

xoxokristin (message) 541 posts, Busy bee

I like to keep the apartment clean although I’m not super anal about it. I vacuum, dry mop, clean off the counters and stove once a week. I pick things up here and there everday. The bathroom gets a scrubbing every other week. Hubby is responsible for dishes and trash. We each do our own laundry and therein lies the problem. Hubby doesn’t believe in hanging up his clothes. Clean laundry goes in a PILE in his closet. Dirty laundry goes in a PILE at the foot of the bed. I am so scared to clean up the piles because he has a lot of clothes. Probably more than me (although he never wears them, I swear that boy can lice in one pair of jeans his whole life). Our house gets clean by designating who does what but the freakin piles are killing me and I have no control over them!

4/16/10 @ 9:09 pm (reply)

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