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Mrs. Jellyfish, Pleasanton, CA Age and Occupation: 27, Law Student Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Air Force Pilot Engagement Date: February 21, 2009 Wedding Date: September 2010 Venue: Casa Real at Ruby Hill Winery About Me: In a nutshell, I’m the most optimistic worrywart you’ll ever meet. My family emigrated from Romania to San Jose, CA when I was 8, and I've been a Nor Cal girl ever since! My fiancé is also a Bay Area native, so it’s funny that we met at UCLA, as college freshmen living on the same floor (go Bruins!). Between his career as an Air Force pilot and my path to becoming a lawyer, our relationship has been anything but typical. We currently live together in Berkeley with our puppy Stinson. In addition to spending time with the loves of my life, I enjoy crafting, attempting complicated recipes, environmental law and non-law school reading (Us Weekly, anyone?). Follow along as I plan an elegant 200-person winery wedding, graduate law school, take the Bar exam, get married and get used to the always unpredictable but never boring life of a military spouse!
About Mrs. Jellyfish

DISCLAIMER: These tips are based on my personal experience. Obviously not everyone is the same and some things may work for you that didn’t work for me, and vice versa.

I was talking to a friend the other day about how I think when you’re first engaged, you shouldn’t be allowed to make any wedding purchases/decisions for the first 2 months. Sure, you could research your little heart out, but no deposits, no purchases, nothing permanent! Looking back, I made some decisions and purchases for our wedding before I had a clear idea of what I wanted, and I came to regret them. My first dress is an example of this, so I wrote this post with the hope that it may help someone else avoid becoming a two-dress bride/regret buying the “wrong” dress.

Tips for the Indecisive: How to Avoid Becoming a Two-Dress Bride :  wedding pleasanton wedding dress Bride bride

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It goes without saying that you can avoid becoming a two dress bride by… um… not buying two dresses? Duh. This is pretty obvious. However, I believe there are some things you can do ahead of time, before you even buy your dress, that will help ensure that you won’t come to regret it later.

Please, learn from my mistakes people! Here are my tips for brides who are embarking on their bridal gown search:

1. Don’t shop too early. Research all you want, but if you’re indecisive I wouldn’t recommend actually shopping for a dress until, at the very earliest, a year before your wedding (7-8 months before is even better). I have a 19-month engagement, and I made the mistake of going dress shopping 18 ½ months before my wedding and bought a dress on my first trip. I’ve learned that this is very common. Girls get excited about the prospect of shopping for a gown and they end up prematurely buying one without enough thought, and later regretting it. One thing that bummed me out about buying my gown the first day I went shopping was that the entire dress shopping experience ended too soon. If you see value in the dress shopping “experience” itself, I strongly suggest leaving your credit card at home on your first trip so you’re not tempted to buy.

2. Don’t feel pressured to buy on your first trip. Don’t let salespeople pressure you into buying a dress you’re not 100% sure about. Most of the stores I visited offered a 10% discount if you bought the dress that same day. I fell for it the first time, but with Dress #2, I stood my ground. I wanted to be SURE. And guess what? When I came back to visit the dress for the third time, they were still willing to honor the 10% discount, because they really wanted to make the sale. All I had to do was ask.

3. Only bring 2-3 people dress shopping with you. Have you ever seen an episode of Say Yes To The Dress (heretofore known as SYTTD, and also, my obsession) where a bride brings in her entire family or a gaggle of girlfriends? Isn’t it always painful to watch? The more people you have with you, the harder it will be to please everyone. I suggest bringing only 2-3 people, and making sure they are people whose opinions you really value or whose style you tend to agree with. Make sure the dress you pick is the one YOU love, because if you love it, so will everyone who cares about you because you will be happy in it.

4. Don’t be too swayed by price. We all have budgets and I’m not suggesting that you ignore price. However, if you find yourself feeling pressured to buy a dress that’s a “great deal”, think about what is motivating your decision. If you love the dress and the price, then score! Go for it. But if you’re only getting the dress because it’s a great deal, then seriously think it through. It may be a great deal now, but if you’re going to change your mind and buy another one later, it’s not really a great deal after all.

5. Take a break. Along the same lines, if you’re not 100% sure about a dress but you’re tempted to buy it (perhaps due to an awesome price), take a lunch break and mull it over. Come back to it a few hours later, or if need be, a few weeks later. If you can’t stop thinking about it, then maybe it’s meant to be.

6. Keep your venue in mind. This kind of relates to Tip #1, but I think it’s a good idea to have your venue settled before you begin shopping for a dress. Once you know the setting for your venue, it’s a lot easier to find a dress that fits with the vibe you’re going for – whether it be ball gown or beachy, modern or vintage. Although I liked my Dress #1, it seemed more appropriate for a ballroom wedding than a winery wedding. Also keep in mind how the dress would mesh with other elements – like bridesmaids dresses. If you’re dead-set on satin bridesmaids’ dresses, then certain fabrics work better with those than others.

7. There’s something to be said for “the feeling.” I hate to echo the cliché that “when you find the one, you just know” or to suggest that finding the right dress must result in waterworks, because I didn’t ever see myself as one of those girls. And I’m sure that many girls out there never cry or get some fuzzy feeling, but you know what? I didn’t with Dress #1 and I did with Dress #2, so maybe there’s something to be said for it. You know yourself better than anyone, so trust your gut.

What did you learn from your bridal gown shopping experience? Do you have any tips for brides shopping for dresses?

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19 Responses to “Tips for the Indecisive: How to Avoid Becoming a Two-Dress Bride”

1.
Miss Thimble
Bee
Miss Thimble (message)  797 posts, Busy bee

I did this too! I’ve been engaged for 21 months and I have 6 more to go (ugh!) So it was almost inevitable! (ok, obvi not..)

My tip is don’t let all your research make you a label snob. I HAD to have a designer gown, so I went to a sample/charity shop that was great (so I could afford my designer label), but I chose a dress that wasn’t really the one. GORGEOUS, but not quite me… or not me 20 months later. I found the one at David’s Bridal while BM dress shopping. Go figure!!

 
2.
SanDiegoAli
Member
SanDiegoAli (message)  3,076 posts, Sugar bee

I completely agree with this post! I’m a two dress bride as well because I bought my first dress because it was a “good deal”. I didn’t even really like it that much (sadly). :(

I’ve even had even MORE dress woes as of late and doubt “my” dress, even though I DO love it.

Ugh - I can’t stress enough that brides shouldn’t be their dress TOO early!!

 
3.
Member Icon
Member
marlie (message)  212 posts, Helper bee

ditto to everything you said!! i’m a two dress bride and i blame #3. i brought 9 people with me the first time and felt pressure to buy b/c they were all there and it was a stressful mess. yuck.

i also think it’s ok to tell the consultant that you need a minute. it’s hard to think with everyone talking at you and pulling and tugging. sometimes you just need a moment to take it in without all the chaos!

 
4.
Miss Shoe
Member
Miss Shoe (message)  105 posts, Blushing bee

Oh, how I wish you had posted this before I bought my two gowns!
I got a feeling for one in particular, but it was so early in the game (3 weeks after getting engaged) that I didn’t feel ready to buy it. Shortly after, it was taken out of production and I gave up and bought another. Luckily, I found “my gown” at a sample sale and now have the task of selling the first.

I think one of the things that made choosing a gown so difficult was that I didn’t have an identity as a bride yet and wasn’t sure what kind of style and mood I wanted my gown to have. It took some serious envisioning of what the day would look like before I felt confident that the original gown was indeed, the one.

 
5.
camrie
Member
camrie (message)  3,044 posts, Sugar bee

Ugg…I’m actually a 3 dress bride (horribly wasteful I know - shame on me - I will resell or give to someone in need - I promise).

But it’s because I was 6 mos out and I panicked because I had looked and looked and couldn’t find anything I liked. So I totally thought that finding “the dress” was just a thing for girls who knew what they wanted.

So I ended buying a backup dress (just in case), then I bought an “OK” dress (because I didn’t think it was going to happen for me). Then I found “the dress” - and I just KNEW it was right.

My problem wasn’t from shopping too early - it was from worrying about shopping too late.

 
6.
christalynn11
Member
christalynn11 (message)  1,216 posts, Bumble bee

I was almost #6. I found ‘the one’ at David’s and it was DOUBLE the price I had planned to pay. I put it on since there was a sale, walked out and nearly cried when I saw myself in the mirror. I felt AH-MAZ-ING in it. My MOH gasped when I walked out and then waited for my reaction… I too, just KNEW.

Right after that, they put me in three other dresses that I had picke dout on my own. All beautiful dresses, one didn’t look right on me, one never made it off the hanger and the last one was quite lovely… but it is something I would have worn at 19 or 20 if I were getting married - not at almost 30 in a semi-formal nighttime wedding. But the price!

I stood there for a good 10 minutes wearing the “not the one” gown and trying desperately to convince myself that it was good enough. I put on the other dress again and it was like day and night!

I left and gave myself a week to think it over - when I went back confident in the more expensive one, the other was hanging there on a mannequin, crying out about what a value it was.

SO GLAD I BOUGHT THE ONE INSTEAD! I could have seen myself being a two dress bride if I hadn’t.

 
7.
krissybee
Member
krissybee (message)  3,921 posts, Honey bee

great tips!! i have a super long engagement and was thinking of shopping for dresses this summer but i think now i’ll wait for at least a year out!

 
8.
moderndaisy
Member
moderndaisy (message)  6,607 posts, Bee Keeper

I totally agree with all your advice except waiting 7-8 months out. I’d say wait until you’re about 1 year away (assuming you have a long engagement) so you have time to custom order a dress if need be. Also, it may take a while to find ‘the one’ so as long as you’re following all the other rules, it shouldn’t be a problem.

But you are totally right with everything you said. I personally made it so that I COULDNT buy a dress without sleeping on it, my Mom had to approve it first and she did not dress shop with me (long distance). That meant I had to go home without buying and did not buy my dress until I was ready. When I finally found it (it took about 4 months) she made me wait a whole week before placing the order!

 
9.
Member Icon
Member
eimersc (message)  235 posts, Helper bee

Excellent, excellent words of wisdom! I definitely thought it over for a few months after finding the dress pretty early in the process. To keep it exciting, I’ve only seen it once since I’ve gotten it. I left it at my mom’s house 11 hours away, so I’m not tempted to overlook in it. I have fallen in “like/love” with another dress since, but it’s a different “feel” (wouldn’t go with my venue, style for the day) and I am still perfectly happy with the dress I have. :)

 
10.
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Member
kathleen_ny (message)  9 posts, Newbee

OMG I can totally relate, I myself am a two dress bride. My first dress is sitting in a consignment shop in hopes of recouping some of the money. I brought it because it was a good deal. It’s best to wait at least two months after being engaged to start shopping. it’s like your mind goes into a confusion stage.

 
11.
ktbrady
Member
ktbrady (message)  1,054 posts, Bumble bee

God, I feel ya! I started looking as soon as I got engaged. I haven’t bought any yet, but I am SO STRESSED OUT because I like so many dresses that are so different from each other!!! I’m worried I am NEVER going to be able to find one. I know I just need to relax because I have a longgggggg time til our wedding, but I feel like the dress impacts a lot of the style of the wedding. Plus, I can’t stop looking! On one hand it’s so much fun but on the other hand I feel so stressed about finding the PERFECT dress! Thanks for the post!

 
12.
tksjewelry
Member
tksjewelry (message)  9,769 posts, Bee Keeper

I am am also a two dress bride, but I “LOVE” both my dresses. I found a beautiful tea length and spent weeks looking for it over a year ago. Everytime I look at it, and everytime I have put it on, I love it even more. My FH really wanted a long dress, so we went shopping. He picked out the one dress I never thought he would and I loved it two. So I ended up with one for the ceremony and one for the reception, and I truely “Love” them both.

 
13.
elliemae
Member
elliemae (message)  400 posts, Helper bee

AMEN!!! i am…a three dress bride! yes!!!! in a matter of months…it’s seriously sickening..i also went for the “great deal” because it was designer..anyways, i went shopping with a friend for her wedding and i always knew i wanted lace but all the lace dresses i had tried on were not good on me, this one had everything i wanted!!! and it looked AMAZING on me!!!

 
14.
blondeeebuckeye
Member
blondeeebuckeye (message)  1,083 posts, Bumble bee

i have about 10 months left, and just started looking. i went to a trunk show last weekend and the sales lady was SO PUSHY, it made me uncomfortable. i found a dress i liked, but made it known i would NOT purchase something that day—i need at least 24 hours to think about it. she continued to be so pushy, so turned me off to the dress and the store, and i basically walked out and told her i wouldn’t be coming back. when i got home and looked at the photos of the dress i was not that impressed with it–it looked better in the mirror. so glad i didn’t let her bully me into buying it–i know i would have ended up a two dress bride.

 
15.
cnuptain
Member
cnuptain (message)  330 posts, Helper bee

Great tips! I was pressured into buying my first dress and am so happy I thought twice before I got another. :-)

 
16.
jordynrose
Member
jordynrose (message)  6,351 posts, Bee Keeper

Great tips!

 
17.
alivoo01
Member
alivoo01 (message)  2,622 posts, Sugar bee

Well said about dress shopping too early! It’s so hard not to since most girls dream of their wedding since the age of 2!

 
18.
Member Icon
Member
marieta (message)  339 posts, Helper bee

Well, I didn’t pay attention to rule #1, and I already have my dress even though I don’t even have a wedding date set yet! (But it’s at least 1-1/2 years away.) My FMIL was so excited about looking into bridal stuff with me, and I admit I really do love fancy dress shopping even though I am a super-casual girl in regular life (it’s the fancy-ish in-between stuff I dislike). I found “The One.” I didn’t immediately get it, and I took my FSIL back with me a week later blind to which dress I was favoring, and she thought the one I liked was much more “me.” That’s what did it for me… everyone thought it was really “me.” So I got it.

My strategy for not becoming a two-dress bride is to not let myself go back in a salon! But honestly, I know myself, and what I tend to do after making a decision like that is to go look at what I bought and affirm my decision, not second-guess it.

As for tips: don’t let salespeople pressure you. Take the time you need. Think on it for a week. I also liked going shopping on my own without anyone with me… I felt much less pressured that way. When my FMIL was with me, I felt she was putting too many of her own dress preferences on me. I would also suggest being open to a consultant’s suggestions for your body type. You never know what will look good on you… my shopping process slowly narrowed down the styles until I knew what style suited me best, and then it was figuring out the perfect dress within that style.

 
19.
Miss Giraffe
Bee
Miss Giraffe (message)  4,216 posts, Honey bee

Thanks for the tips!

 

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Mrs. Jellyfish
Mrs. Jellyfish

Mrs. Jellyfish, Pleasanton, CA Age and Occupation: 27, Law Student Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Air Force Pilot Engagement Date: February 21, 2009 Wedding Date: September 2010 Venue: Casa Real at Ruby Hill Winery About Me: In a nutshell, I’m the most optimistic worrywart you’ll ever meet. My family emigrated from Romania to San Jose, CA when I was 8, and I've been a Nor Cal girl ever since! My fiancé is also a Bay Area native, so it’s funny that we met at UCLA, as college freshmen living on the same floor (go Bruins!). Between his career as an Air Force pilot and my path to becoming a lawyer, our relationship has been anything but typical. We currently live together in Berkeley with our puppy Stinson. In addition to spending time with the loves of my life, I enjoy crafting, attempting complicated recipes, environmental law and non-law school reading (Us Weekly, anyone?). Follow along as I plan an elegant 200-person winery wedding, graduate law school, take the Bar exam, get married and get used to the always unpredictable but never boring life of a military spouse!

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