Devil, Thy Name is Spanx

Devil, Thy Name is Spanx

April 19th, 2010 @ 3:40 pm by Ms Potato Chips
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My mom insisted I wear Spanx under my wedding dress. She insisted with an urgency that would border on troubling if I stopped to really think about it.

So she bought me this charmer. Thanks, Mom!

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I tried it on under my dress and had to admit, the sucker-in did flatter. But I wanted to test-run them before the big day, so I wore them to a friend’s wedding.

OH.MY.WOW.

Who fashioned this contraption?? Who? Who would want to inflict this level of discomfort on another human being? Are Spanx the fruits of the devil? Are they the works of Beelzebub? Yes, yes they are!

It only took about five minutes—I had barely made it into my car to drive to the wedding—before the whole apparatus began to self-destruct. First the top portion rolled itself down, down, down to my waist, where it bunched up ever so tightly and formed an unsightly roll around my middle with the end result of feeling like I was being squeezed into or out of a very tight, very secure spandex sausage casing.

I hoisted the sucker back up to the top of my torso under my bra where it belonged but soon found myself in public and unable to reach up under my dress to fix my unmentionables. And of course, back down they rolled, down, down, down, sausage casing etc. etc.

The whole business hindered my evening and really threw me into a state of paralyzing dismay. It even impeded my normally sick dance moves.

Devil, Thy Name is Spanx : wedding providence undergarments 1 1

What am I doing?? Damn that devil shape wear!!

Ironically, my sister wore the exact same pair of Spanx that evening (again, thanks Mom!)—and hers didn’t budge! She had no problem and thought they were quite comfortable. What gives?? Is it because my torso is ridiculously short? Should I have hoisted them over my chest and up to my neck? I might have to.

I’d be willing to give Spanx another shot… maybe I’ll look for something in a brief that is not so high-waisted and hopelessly, uncomfortably fallible. As to this pair… I accidentally threw them in the dryer but I think I can re-purpose them into an emergency tourniquet.

Is there such a thing as comfortable shapewear? If you’re on the shorter side, do you have any recommendations?

Tags: providence, undergarments |

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50 Responses to “Devil, Thy Name is Spanx”

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Bee

Miss Hamster (message) 4,046 posts, Honey bee

I have 2 pairs of Spanx of two different styles - one fits perfectly and the other gave me that same roll problem you had. Perhaps try a different style?

4/19/10 @ 3:43 pm (reply)

Member

Dancy905 (message) 1,730 posts, Bumble bee

Haha! Mine totally roll down. Sometimes I pin them to my bra but if it’s strapless it usually ends up by my ribs too. LOL The Dr. 90210 line is supposed to be better, they’re sold at Sears but I haven’t been yet. I might try to buy a 1 piece just in case.

4/19/10 @ 3:47 pm (reply)

Member

Puggy (message) 455 posts, Helper bee

I think they do that when they are too small. I had a pair of tights that did that, but then I upgraded to the next size up and they stayed up. But they didn’t suck in my tummy and butt as well as the other pair did. I will only do the ones that are the bra/tummy combos.

4/19/10 @ 3:47 pm (reply)

Member

crayfish (message) 4,844 posts, Honey bee

Spanx makes a style that looks just like that, but attaches in (I believe) 4-6 places to your bra. So no sausage casing rolling ;). Helps a LOT if you are wearing a bra with straps (I can only imagine a strapless bra rolling down with the Spanx….oh my!)

4/19/10 @ 3:50 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Seashell (message) 1,713 posts, Bumble bee

I agree with @Puggy: I buy them WAY huge and have great luck.

4/19/10 @ 3:55 pm (reply)

Bee

Ms Potato Chips (message) 1,193 posts, Bumble bee

@Puggy, @Miss Seashell: Interesting. According to the height/weight chart on back the size was correct. If I go up a size won’t they be even longer? Grrr short torso!!

4/19/10 @ 3:59 pm (reply)

Bee

Ms Potato Chips (message) 1,193 posts, Bumble bee

@crayfish: Haha, the strapless bra rolling down with it would definitely happen to me!

4/19/10 @ 4:03 pm (reply)

Member

jgoulart (message) 1,069 posts, Bumble bee

I thought I was the only one that called them SUCKER-INNERS!

I bought the kind that go just under your bust to your knees, and my bra for my dress has ribs so I’m hoping it’ll hold it from rolling. **fingers crossed!**

4/19/10 @ 4:04 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Ribbons (message) 2,018 posts, Buzzing bee

I think they’re evil. If your dress has any built-in support, I would just have faith in that

4/19/10 @ 4:05 pm (reply)

10.

Member

kjwinter (message) 209 posts, Helper bee

i have the world’s shortest torso and feel your pain. the spanx with the clear rubbery strip on the inside of the back stay put (i think from the higher power line) and don’t roll down.

4/19/10 @ 4:07 pm (reply)

11.

Bee

Miss Pudding (message) 1,180 posts, Bumble bee

Mr. Pudding has said that he will not marry me if I wear my spanx. He hates the way they feel when he puts his arm around my waist

4/19/10 @ 4:10 pm (reply)

12.

Member

jmc (message) 882 posts, Busy bee

I gave my Spanx a test-run at my shower and was horrified at how much they rolled down. But I had no other solutions, and was over it, so I just hoped for the best at the wedding. They weren’t bad. I think the main difference was that I wore a longline bra OVER them which pretty much kept them in place, or at least kept the roll-down minimized. Can you do that, wear a long-line?

I have noticed that a lot of people seem to prefer the Target brand though. Maybe check that out. It gets lots of snaps on the boards and is way cheaper I think.

4/19/10 @ 4:16 pm (reply)

13.

Bee

Miss Octopus (message) 1,446 posts, Bumble bee

Ha! I have never tried Spanx, but I have to say, this is the way I feel about thongs. It blows my mind that people wear thongs even when it’s not strictly necessary. WHAT?! THONGS ARE MONSTROUS!!!

4/19/10 @ 4:19 pm (reply)

14.

Bee

Miss Seashell (message) 1,713 posts, Bumble bee

ooh - short torso may make it tricky. Try on a few different options to find the right ones. I know I’ve found the right size when I can push my tummy out as far as possible with out causing what I call the “window shade” (or roll down you experienced).

Isn’t being a lady loooooovely?

4/19/10 @ 4:21 pm (reply)

15.

Bee

Mrs. Pug (message) 3,753 posts, Honey bee

when i tried spanx under my dress, i could see the seams–so much for that seamless look thing. i hate it when underwear shifts around–hope you find something more comfortable (or just decide to ditch the whole thing)!

4/19/10 @ 4:21 pm (reply)

16.

Member

tea (message) 7,288 posts, Bee Keeper

oh dear. i have no offers of advice but i will admit i had a good giggle while reading!

4/19/10 @ 4:33 pm (reply)

17.

Bee

Miss Cardigan (message) 8,645 posts, Bee Keeper

I’ve always heard of people having this same problem!

4/19/10 @ 4:54 pm (reply)

18.

Member

Ms. E (message) 132 posts, Blushing bee

I’ve only worn the type of Spanx that are essentially bike shorts on crack. The top sits right at my waist and I’ve never had a rolling down issue. If you’re not concerned with your stomach, maybe try this kind.

4/19/10 @ 5:04 pm (reply)

19.

Bee

Miss Lobster (message) 668 posts, Busy bee

I know this sounds weird but the rolling down is my worst nightmare. Rolled down pantyhose gives me the heebie jeebies. Something about how it’s tight around my stomach. I said it was weird…that said, I haven’t tried spanx.

4/19/10 @ 5:08 pm (reply)

20.

Member

amariem25 (message) 3,733 posts, Sugar bee

i had the same problem with spanx. they were way too long for my torso. I ended up going with some other brand of highwaisted control at Kohl’s. I think they were by Maidenform.

4/19/10 @ 5:13 pm (reply)

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