What Does It Mean to Be a Bridesmaid?

What Does It Mean to Be a Bridesmaid?

April 21st, 2010 @ 6:59 pm by Mrs. Guinea Pig
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I recently had to think very carefully about what it means to be a bridesmaid, and I discovered - I had never really thought about it. Which seems silly seeing as I have four, plus my sister as maid-of-honor! I know there are general guidelines that people follow when choosing, but what does it really mean to me? I realized that I had always just ’known’ what the role meant to me, and that I would ask people accordingly. How do other people choose their wedding party?

The main factors for me in asking people to stand up with Mr. Guinea Pig and me at our wedding, is that these friends have been there for us, loved us, supported us, and will continue to do so for as long as humanly possible. They are friends who would help without a second thought, would be there for me in a heartbeat, make me laugh and keep me sane. Mr. GP and I would do the same for them without question.

I also realized if I cannot fulfill that role for someone who asks me to be a bridesmaid, or they are not a kind and considerate friend to me, I do not feel qualified to do the ’bridesmaid’ job justice, and would have to decline. I know several people who have said one should never decline this request, which again leads me to wonder - how do other people choose who to ask for their wedding party? I always assumed that everyone operated under the same basic friendship rules!

Nearly every day, and especially as I get stressed now while time flies towards our wedding, I am reminded of how grateful I am to have such wonderful, supportive people in my life. Sometimes in the flurry of wedding planning I think about “my bridesmaids”, but I am always happy to remind myself that first and foremost, they are my best friends - and I’m so excited to have them with me when Mr. GP and I get married!

So thank you, dear Guinea Pig bridesmaids, for making life so much fun, for supporting Mr. Guinea Pig and me in this crazy, awesome adventure, for helping me with decisions left and right, and for happily wearing bright blue dresses for me!

(BM D and me in Ontario, obviously - eating delicious Tim Horton’s doughnuts on one of our many road trips!)

(BM L and me - people think we’re sisters, but she already has a twin!)

(BM J and me well into our St. Patrick’s Day celebrations)

(me with Sister GP, a most excellent maid of honor)

(Mr. GP with BM N, best friends since college)

How did you choose your wedding party? Have you ever had to decline a request to be a bridesmaid? Would you be a bridesmaid for someone who is not really a friend (of yours or your husband’s) if they asked?

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24 Responses to “What Does It Mean to Be a Bridesmaid?”

1 2 Last

Member

Miss Reggae (message) 26 posts, Newbee

We’re having a small wedding party- my two sisters and best friend, his son, brother and cousin. I think it’s the really important people who’ve made a huge impact on you that should be a part of your wedding party. If someone asked me to be a bridesmaid without really know them, I’d graciously decline. I’d be honored that I was asked but probably wouldn’t accept.

4/21/10 @ 7:07 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Taco (message) 950 posts, Busy bee

It was pretty easy for me. It was a combination of oldest friends, friends who’ve been there through it all, friends I’m most comfortable around, etc. They all definitely have the years behind them, but it’s of course not always about years.

4/21/10 @ 7:15 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Hamster (message) 4,046 posts, Honey bee

Lovely post! I feel the same way as you - I chose people that have loved and supported us as well - and would keep me sane! I also agree that I would not be a bridesmaid if asked if I couldn’t do the job well.

4/21/10 @ 7:19 pm (reply)

Guest

FutureRicioli

We’re having an extremely small wedding party- like 1, maybe 2 people each. My best friend was a no-brainer as my moh, despite the fact that she lives in TN and I live in CA. I know she’s supposed to run my shower and go shopping with me and stuff, which is hard from so far away. So, I was thinking of picking someone closer to my area as my other bm… except the friend I was thinking of has been IMPOSSIBLE to get ahold of for the past 4-5 months. I haven’t asked her yet, since I wanted to do it in person, and now I’m starting to rethink asking her at all. I don’t even know what to expect from my bm’s, but I feel like they should at least be accessible.. especially given that the moh is so far away. I feel silly saying that, though, since I don’t really know what she would be doing differently even if I could get ahold of her. I’m confused about it all, obviously. LOL

4/21/10 @ 8:01 pm (reply)

Member

Twista (message) 804 posts, Busy bee

I knew immediately who 4 of my bridesmaids would be, but the 5th didn’t come to me as quickly. But I’m SOOOO happy I invited her because we’ve gotten even closer since asking her to be a bridesmaid.

4/21/10 @ 8:10 pm (reply)

Member

marieta (message) 339 posts, Helper bee

Your friendship rules sound just like mine.

I immediately knew who my BMs would be: my four closest friends. Each of them is a “best friend” in their own unique way. I’ve known them for 6-21 years. One of them is my ex. :> They’re scattered all over the country, not a one is local, but I don’t care.

4/21/10 @ 8:20 pm (reply)

Member

angie123 (message) 49 posts, Newbee

It is awesome that you get to have your closest people as your BMs.

One of the very few sad parts that I have had about wedding planning has been coming to realize that people don’t see the BM role as a “Let’s help orbe in touch with the bride” role but more like a “What-dress-will-I-wear”role. ;-(

4/21/10 @ 8:44 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Snow (message) 916 posts, Busy bee

This is such a thoughtful post! I’ve, unfortunately, been a bridesmaid in weddings where asking me was an afterthought and I should have declined…it resulted in me being no good at the job (because we weren’t close), and I still feel bad about it.

I think your criteria is spot on!

4/21/10 @ 8:57 pm (reply)

Member

fromcharleston (message) 651 posts, Busy bee

omg you and BM L really do look scary like sisters!

4/21/10 @ 9:01 pm (reply)

10.

Member

krissybee (message) 3,921 posts, Honey bee

aww cute post! i chose my bridal party very carefully…. only my sister, FIs sister, best friend since 5th grade and friend from college. I wanted girls there that really cared about me and us!

4/21/10 @ 9:35 pm (reply)

11.

Member

ChiDIY (message) 184 posts, Blushing bee

you know… i have a bridesmaid i want to fire. she has been rude, inconsiderate, non-responsive… didnt come to the shower, isnt coming to the bachelorette party, got MAD when we sent her an invite to the shower… I just dont know how to ask her to… not be a bridesmaid.

4/21/10 @ 9:44 pm (reply)

12.

Member

jordynrose (message) 6,351 posts, Bee Keeper

My BMs are all of my best friends. I didn’t really think about the “requirements” of being a BM when I asked. Really, all I expect is that they show up on the day of the wedding. I have never been asked to be a BM, so I really haven’t had to think about whether or not it was appropriate to accept.

4/21/10 @ 10:51 pm (reply)

13.

Member

Muffins (message) 93 posts, Worker bee

i have two MOH’s because i’ve had the same two best friends since elementary school; i have three BMs whom are all very good, close friends. i chose these five women because they have seen me at my best–and my worst–and still loved me the same! FH is including his best friend as his best man, his brother and three other close friends as his groomsmen.

i would feel a bit weird if an acquaintance asked me to be a bridesmaid; i wouldn’t feel right accepting such an honor.

4/21/10 @ 11:02 pm (reply)

14.

Member

WhatAHoot (message) 23 posts, Newbee

Great post! I’m actually in the process of choosing my BMs and I’m having such a difficult time. We’re each having 6 people stand up (seems like a lot, I know!) and 4 of my picks are no-brainers. I couldn’t imagine them NOT being in my wedding. But now with two places left and a close-knit group of 5 friends to choose from, I’m completely stuck. Even thinking about it makes my stomach cramp up with nervous knots. I think I’m just too concerned with hurting people’s feelings. I hope I get over it soon…

4/22/10 @ 12:08 am (reply)

15.

Guest

Jen

Lovely post. It’s awesome that you have all the right people for the job!

I was a bridesmaid for my best friend and it was a wonderful experience and she is also one of mine. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I also had to do the horrible thing of dropping on of my own bridesmaids but now the crap part is over, I am happy with my decision and have 0 stress in my life. It helped reveal who true friends are and to show up the people you don’t really need in your life.

4/22/10 @ 12:57 am (reply)

16.

Bee

Miss Turtle (message) 782 posts, Busy bee

This was a really good, thoughtful post! I’m glad that you take the role of a bridesmaid so seriously. I feel exactly the same way. A bridesmaid should be someone who has been a witness of your relationship with your fiance, and someone who will continue to support you and hold you accountable for the rest of your life. Being conscious of this throughout wedding planning takes a lot of the usual drama and shallowness out of the bridesmaid experience.

4/22/10 @ 1:11 am (reply)

17.

Member

tea (message) 7,295 posts, Bee Keeper

i miss tim horton’s! i used to subsist on the donut holes and soup and bread bowls in college.

i’m thinking of asking my younger sister and bestie. my older sister isn’t interested in being a bm but offered to be a reader. lol.

4/22/10 @ 1:43 am (reply)

18.

Guest

Tom Sparks

As a photographer, I have often had the bride assign one of her bridesmaids to help organize family and friends group photos. They know many of the people, lots more of the family than I know and makes it easy for the bride by taking charge of herding everyone to the right places.

4/22/10 @ 3:11 am (reply)

19.

Member

shaydenise (message) 1,151 posts, Bumble bee

I definitely feel the same about my bridesmaids. I chose women (and a guy) that have been there for me and I for them no matter what. Three of them I met in college while in Gator band (two of which are also my sorority sisters), one is my future sister-in-law whom I have gotten so close with, and my maid of honor is my cousin - which we’re basically like sisters since she’s an only child and I only have a goofy little brother! lol. These are fiendships that I KNOW will last a lifetime. I love my girls and guy, lol!

4/22/10 @ 8:20 am (reply)

20.