Making It Work (Bridesmaid Dresses Part I)

Making It Work (Bridesmaid Dresses Part I)

April 22nd, 2010 @ 9:55 am by Mrs. Seashell
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To date, everything wedding-wise has fallen into place amazingly well. Decisions have generally been easy to make, and when an idea or inspiration has popped into my head I’ve been able to find a way to execute it. When something hasn’t quite worked, I’ve been able to find a solution or an even-better alternative. Bridesmaid dresses, however, have somehow proven to be tricky. And I’ve come to realize a lot of it has to do with my own emotions.

I had initially gravitated toward the idea of putting my bridesmaids in black because I loved the idea of having them each pick their own dress. Better yet, they could even pull something from their closet if that was easier. Purple made this a little more challenging, but I was still under the impression that I could just tell my girls to find a purple dress. (Think Mrs. Bear Cub’s Letting the ’Maids Dress Themselves.)

(source)

Here was my reasoning:

1. I fundamentally like the idea of collectively unique dresses.

2. The concept of bridesmaid dresses seems kind of funny to me. What do the matching dresses symbolize, anyway? I feel funny if the implication is that they’re actually my “maids”.

3. Each of my girls are quite different, and I felt challenged by the idea of finding something that would work for everyone equally well.

4. Financially, it offers them the option of purchasing something wherever they are comfortable.

5. Maybe they will actually wear the dress again!

(… And here’s where we get into sticky stuff)

6. I fear snarkiness, and don’t want my girls to secretly hate what I choose. And worse, discuss it behind my back.

7. I don’t want any of my girls to be uncomfortable or self-conscious in any way. I hate that feeling. I want them to feel beautiful.

8. I don’t want my girls to be happy, I need them to be happy. If I know they’re upset, it will make me feel terrible.

9. I don’t want to be high-maintenance, bossy, or (gasp!) a bridezilla.

(source)

Has a closer look at your reasoning for doing something ever revealed an insecurity?

Tags: bridesmaid-dress, providence |

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22 Responses to “Making It Work (Bridesmaid Dresses Part I)”

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Member

jgoulart (message) 1,069 posts, Bumble bee

I love the purple!!

I’m totally aware that my maids hate the color of they’re dresses, only because I’m not super crazy about it myself. It’s a bright pepto bismol when we expected a darker fuchsia. I say OH WELL!! It’s too late to change it now.

4/22/10 @ 10:03 am (reply)

Member

SunnySide (message) 32 posts, Newbee

I think that your reasoning is sound and we have all been to the wedding where we ask “what was she thinking.” You pick your bridesmaids generally because they are the people closest to you and will provide good support to you throughout this whole process. You have to trust in them as well as your judgment to include them that they will not attack the dress behind your back (they’re your friends!!!).
Why not go shopping with some of them to get input. If you can find a dress that they all love then go for it!! If not… then understand that it id very difficult to please everyone and the only individuals you have to worry about pleasing on your wedding day are you and your husband!!! After all that’s what this whole process is about… =)

4/22/10 @ 10:03 am (reply)

Member

KES (message) 270 posts, Helper bee

I felt the same way but in the end found a designer I liked who made seven different dresses which worked out perfect for my seven BM’s. They each got to choose the style they liked the most, and told me they really liked the dresses. Hopefully they are really happy because I also want them to be happy, comfortable, and feel great in them!

4/22/10 @ 10:08 am (reply)

Member

lydiacruze (message) 9 posts, Newbee

Fun fact: the matching dresses are a modernized version of a tradition from the days of yore when the bridesmaids would wear dresses that not only matched each other’s but also matched the BRIDE’S. This was done to confuse evil spirits that were hell-bent on ruining the wedding. If you can’t tell which one’s the bride, you can’t very well ruin things, can you?

4/22/10 @ 10:11 am (reply)

Member

Farfromachildbride (message) 1,006 posts, Bumble bee

Great choice, Seashell. I have been a bridesmaid TEN TIMES and always had to buy the Bride-chosen, matchy-matchy dress and NEVER been able to wear one a second time. This is so thoughtful of you and I know your girls are appreciative! I like your style.

4/22/10 @ 10:17 am (reply)

Member

flamingred (message) 1,929 posts, Buzzing bee

I really don’t like how matching bridesmaid dresses look. It isn’t my style…..so even though people think i’m being nice, it’s actually because i want my wedding party to look hott and stylish. LOL! I told my BM’s to pick a red dress and although it took a year(!) all 6 of them have awesome dresses ranging from $85-$300. They paid what they wanted and they all LOVE what they are wearing.

4/22/10 @ 10:19 am (reply)

Bee

Miss Hamster (message) 4,046 posts, Honey bee

Great reasoning, and it’s obvious you care about your bridesmaids a lot!

4/22/10 @ 10:23 am (reply)

Bee

Mrs. Pug (message) 3,753 posts, Honey bee

i can imagine how this would be stressful, especially because you care for your friends so much and want them to be happy.

4/22/10 @ 10:26 am (reply)

Member

SanDiegoAli (message) 3,076 posts, Sugar bee

It’s so awesome that you’re taking their feelings into consideration like this!

4/22/10 @ 10:26 am (reply)

10.

Member

amester26 (message) 256 posts, Helper bee

See, my girls all picked different dresses. And I was under the impression that I was being a rockin’, easy-to-please kinda bride. And everyone was happy.

Or so I thought. I found out one of bridesmaids was complaining that I was “making their lives difficult” and “why couldn’t I just pick a dress”.

*sigh* You can’t make everyone happy. Don’t want to sound like a Negative Nancy or anything, just know that there’s always going to be someone complaining. However, in the end, 3/4 bridesmaids were THRILLED and felt appreciated and beautiful. So, I call that I win.

4/22/10 @ 10:55 am (reply)

11.

Member

kate169 (message) 2,247 posts, Buzzing bee

I love the look of different, unique dresses. I feel like the dresses that are all the same kind of look a little weird and cloneish.

4/22/10 @ 10:57 am (reply)

12.

Member

lululemonade (message) 107 posts, Blushing bee

your reasoning really makes sense! the reason for matching bridesmaids dresses comes from some really old tradition where the bridesmaids were dressed in the same thing to match the bride in order to confuse evil spirits. the point was that if all the ladies were wearing the same thing then the spirits couldnt figure out which one was the bride. this way the bride would be safe and wouldnt be carried away by the evil spirits before the wedding. (:

4/22/10 @ 11:00 am (reply)

13.

Member

ktisthatbees (message) 2,742 posts, Sugar bee

You know the more that I hear about the idea of bridemaids choosing their own dresses, the more I like it! That way I know they will wear it again and will feel beautiful the day of. I agree with you, I’ve never completely understood the need for matching dresses. Don’t get me wrong, it looks great! Just not mandatory

4/22/10 @ 11:19 am (reply)

14.

Member

alivoo01 (message) 2,625 posts, Sugar bee

OMG! I can totally related to all your points above! I too picked a color I liked and consulted my maids prior to making it final (clover green) and they all said it was good/okay. When we went to try on dresses this weekend, I got the feeling that they’re not as happy with the green as they initially told me, but a lot of my planning is already final with that color! Sigh… I’m just hoping for the best in the end and hope they don’t hate me for choosing that color!!

4/22/10 @ 11:56 am (reply)

15.

Member

kaybee (message) 631 posts, Busy bee

I love the varying shades of purple! I’ve seen pictures of bridesmaids in different dresses/colors before but not purple.

4/22/10 @ 1:23 pm (reply)

16.

Guest

Nicole

I’m about 5 months away from my wedding and I picked a fabric and color in jcrew and let all the girls pick their own style- it has worked out SO nicely- not only is it great for them, because everyone has a dress they feel good in, but I dont have to worry about making sure people pick up their dresses, have fittings, pay by a certain point- everyone can do it when they have the money or the time. This wat it wasn’t wide open- they had guidelines, but a ton of freedom to pick something they really loved and would wear again. Also- since jcrew keeps the same color but with different styles, there is a GREAT variety of styles in my bridal party. I am a HUGE fan of this idea!

4/22/10 @ 2:02 pm (reply)

17.

Bee

Miss Seashell (message) 1,713 posts, Bumble bee

@lydiacruze: @lululemonade: Thanks for the history! I had no idea!

4/22/10 @ 2:28 pm (reply)

18.

Member

MeadowyRavine (message) 18 posts, Newbee

I love the amethyst dress!

My brideswomen (I don’t like the maids either) are my sisters and they know what they like better than I do, so I asked them each to pick out a dress in one of 2 colors. I really like it when the women are wearing different dresses, you can tell each one is an individual person! But they all liked the same dress so much they ended up all wearing it! Oh well, they’re happy so I’m happy!

4/22/10 @ 3:53 pm (reply)

19.

Member

gionnetto (message) 553 posts, Busy bee

Call me traditional but traditionally the bridesmaids were all dressed the same, and similar to the way the bride was, so that’s the way I like it. I feel that the worst insult for a BM is to have a bride all nice and pretty in a 3,000 dollars dress asking her to wear something that costs 30 dollars just to look better.

At any rate, I don’t think it’s healthy to need others to be happy (what’s healthy is to wish others to be happy, even work for doing as much as you can to play your part but beware of “needs”).

I know your attitude sounds nice and sweet to many, to me it sounds dangerous (nobody can/should be held responsible for somebody else’s happiness!!!) and unhealthy.

However, I also know that sounding/looking codep is extremely fashionable nowadays (especially in the US). It still doesn’t make it right

Make yourself happy, and think and do what makes YOU happy. Whoever loves you unconditionally WILL be happy in seeing you happy. Whoever loves you conditionally isn’t worth being chased after ;;)

4/22/10 @ 9:07 pm (reply)

20.

Member

jordynrose (message) 6,351 posts, Bee Keeper

I love mismatched dresses. It is a great way to let your BMs keep their sense of style and individuality. I am not a fan of the indentical dress, shoes, jewelry, and hair BM armies that we often see.

4/23/10 @ 12:24 pm (reply)

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