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Mrs. Turtle, Central California Age and Occupation: 21, Art Student/Teacher Fiance's Age and Occupation: 22, English Student Engagement Date: August 16, 2008 Wedding Date: July 2010 Venue: Mr. Turtle's Grandparents' backyard, Arroyo Grande, CA About Me: I am a California girl who loves the beach and the mountains, but is quite satisfied living right in the middle where I can enjoy the best of both worlds. I am happiest when traveling to faraway places, wandering through museums, watching old movies, or baking up a storm. Mr. Turtle and I are high school sweethearts and fellow book nerds who both drive Mini Coopers and are most likely to be found browsing in antique stores. We're having so much fun planning our European garden wedding with a vintage twist and can't wait to share more of life's adventures together!
About Mrs. Turtle

How is it possible that planning a wedding, just one day out of your whole life, can present so many of the most awkward moments you’ll ever experience? You know what I’m talking about… moments like:

“I’m so excited about coming to your wedding!” (Umm… what makes you think you’re invited?)

or

“You’re just going to love my new boyfriend. He’ll be at the wedding!” (And he’s definitely not invited…)

or worst of all…

“I am going to be a bridesmaid, right?”

*Crickets chirping*

And as if there isn’t enough social awkwardness in the world already, this technological world that we live in now, filled with inventions like Facebook and Twitter, manages to introduce a whole new level of awkwardness!

Facebook and Online Social Awkwardness :  wedding central ca etiquette Faceboo1 Photobucket

Photo Source

I feel like Facebook is such an unchartered area as far as etiquette is concerned. It has never been so easy to know everything about a person’s life without even having a conversation with them. How many of you have seen someone’s wedding date on the stalker feed and made sure to check back later to browse through all their wedding photos, all without them knowing that you’re even aware they’ve gotten married? I’m totally guilty of this. Please say you’ve done this, or something like this before, so I don’t look like a total weirdo.

Anyway, as much as I like to utilize Facebook to see what other people are up to, I’m a pretty private person myself. I have a Facebook to keep in touch with friends, but I rarely include personal information on it. I’ve actually never even updated my status! When it comes to the wedding, my parents always taught me that it is rude to talk about an event that someone is not invited to in front of them, especially if they know other people who are invited, or have a reason to believe that they might be invited. (Obviously if someone asks me a question about the wedding, I’ll answer. I can’t just ignore them. But I do try my best to avoid it!) What drives me crazy about Facebook is that I can’t stop other people from writing about my wedding on my wall or posting pictures from wedding-related events for all to see. And if I tell them to stop, it makes me look like a killjoy.

Also, have you noticed how people manage to come out of the woodwork once you get a Facebook?

Facebook and Online Social Awkwardness :  wedding central ca etiquette Fri 130 Photobucket

Photo Souce: Someecards

Seriously! People who I haven’t talked to in years send me a friend request, and then act like they’re coming to the wedding! And I’ve also noticed that people are a lot gutsier online than in person. I’ve received so many awkward comments along the lines of, “Saw you’re getting married! I better get an invitation!” I feel like most people would never say this if they saw me in person!

Anyway, I hate hurting people’s feelings. I know it’s inevitable, but I’d love to avoid it. I’ve even considered deleting my Facebook for a while, until the wedding has passed… or maybe posting a note along with our first wedding photo: “Friends and family: We are so excited to announce that we are now husband and wife. We chose to have a small, out of town wedding, and were unable to include everyone. Thanks for your understanding!” <– How awkward is that though? I guess my main hope is that we don’t lose any friends due to the wedding.

Facebook and Online Social Awkwardness :  wedding central ca etiquette Bre 23 Photobucket

Photo Source: Someecards

So, what are your opinions on Facebook wedding etiquette? Have you put your wedding out there, or do you tend to keep it more private? (I totally understand, and even expect some of you to respectfully disagree with me.) Have you experienced any awkward moments in your wedding planning? Please share! As weird as it is in the moment, awkwardness can be strangely entertaining when retold! :)

Tags: central-ca, etiquette |
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88 Responses to “Facebook and Online Social Awkwardness”

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1.
messybride
Member
messybride (message)  177 posts, Blushing bee

My fiance and I work together so announcing our engagement was a big deal. One day an awkward co-worker walked into his office and blurted “you don’t have to invite me to your wedding.”

How awkward! Luckily he laughed it off and reassured her that she would be invited.

 
2.
Member Icon
Member
kamiie (message)  114 posts, Blushing bee

I delete wedding related comments on my facebook page and hide all pictures from people that I don’t want them to see…Its sounds a little extreme and like extra work, but to me its worth it since I am not willing to give up facebook all together

 
3.
Ms. Smuttynose
Member
Ms. Smuttynose (message)  172 posts, Blushing bee

I’ve had to unfriend people as a result. Of course these people aren’t my friends in “real life” just on FB. One of these people being an uncle of mine who I never see and is a photographer on the side (and not a very good one). He sent me a FB message saying can’t wait for the wedding…click click….thinking that 1. He was invited and 2. That we’d be hiring him as our photographer. PS I haven’t talked to or seen you in years WTF. So Bizarre!

 
4.
Miss Bubbles
Member
Miss Bubbles (message)  186 posts, Blushing bee

Ohmygoodness, Turtle. I hate it too! People are forever, “Are we invited?”, “I’m so excited!” … suuuper. Social networking sites are brutal this way. If you are feeling overwhelmed with public showerings on your “wall”, maybe think about privatizing it for a while? Inbox messages can be replied to on an as-needed basis.

 
5.
Miss Bubbles
Member
Miss Bubbles (message)  186 posts, Blushing bee

… I also have a friend “lose” a friend on Facebook (and reality) after her wedding 2 years ago because she declined to ask said friend to be a member of her very intimate wedding party.

 
6.
moderndaisy
Member
moderndaisy (message)  6,607 posts, Bee Keeper

We posted our WW on FB about 1 year ago and the link is still on my page, but that’s it. I don’t post any wedding related thoughts or anythign. People tagged me in my Bach party photos, but I never had a “At my bach party!!!” status or anything. I am against posting a pic of the invitation which seems to be really popular also - I don’t want everyone to think they’re invited!

 
7.
Bee Icon
Bee
Miss Turtle (message)  782 posts, Busy bee

@Ms. Smuttynose: Oooh, that’s another point that I’ve neglected to mention! We’ve had so many random people facebook us and offer to be our photographer! Awkwaaaaard!!

 
8.
alivoo01
Member
alivoo01 (message)  2,622 posts, Sugar bee

Fortunately, I haven’t had any weird comments on my FB! Then again, my wedding isn’t for another 5 months so plenty can happen until then! Love your commentary up top - funny, but true!

 
9.
bohemianbailie
Member
bohemianbailie (message)  980 posts, Busy bee

I have tried to keep all wedding things off of facebook but it can be hard at times. My MOH is enaged and does not even have that she is engaged to avoid questions.

 
10.
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Member
apaisley (message)  28 posts, Newbee

This is a constant struggle for me, everyday. The.exact.same.things are happening to me and it’s so awkward. Thank you for posting this, I feel so much better knowing that I’m not the only one! :-)

 
11.
Smirp
Member
Smirp (message)  64 posts, Worker bee

My best friend from junior high, when she found out told me “I better either be a bridesmaid, or be doing the pictures”

Her photography is far from professional. $200 digital camera, pictures of her cat, and benches, and b&w pictures of roses. No. Sorry, no,

 
12.
rawrkitty1022
Member
rawrkitty1022 (message)  516 posts, Busy bee

It is so awkward, and unnerving and rude when people invite friends/dates along when you weren’t planning on giving them a +1! UGH. I hate that!! And you are so right, FB really really does allow people tons of opportunities to be awkward….

 
13.
mishelleez
Member
mishelleez (message)  3,319 posts, Sugar bee

I try not to do to much wedding stuff on fb. Or keep it in the inbox. Sometimes I feel like going thru and deleting everyone I wouldn’t talk to in “real life”
I’LL ADMIT IT I FB STOCK! And then get mad if someone becomes private one day! Ohh that makes me so mad! But ill also admit im private :/ But hey I don’t want people to know my business!

 
14.
Guest Icon
Guest
A

I SO know what you mean–a high school friend I hadn’t talked to in 3 YEARS defriended me and wrote me a message about how hurt she was I didn’t invite her but invited “everyone else” from high school. Argh. I just wish people understood how difficult it is to work out a guest list in the first place and if you weren’t on it–there’s a good reason, but not a hurtful one! (well at least not in my case).

 
15.
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Member
amaroo24 (message)  394 posts, Helper bee

I have that we are engaged but have left details off my facebook page or statuses. In the early stages of being engaged, I had a few people invite themselves to our wedding. After politely explaining to them in an email or message that we were having a small group of family and friends, most have taken it well.

 
16.
teeleaf22
Member
teeleaf22 (message)  475 posts, Helper bee

I try not to mention our wedding on FB for that reason.. some people just arent invited. I do know someone who plasters it all over her FB and doesnt care if people are invited or not. I guess she doesn’t find it awkward.

 
17.
jmax
Member
jmax (message)  104 posts, Blushing bee

I was putting up some invite-related statuses and I got some messages like “ooo can’t wait to get one!!!” And they’re totally not on the docket to get one. I think some of my friends to can definitely not come will get one, just so their feelings aren’t hurt, but I am definitely going to slow down on the wedding-related statuses, even though it’s taking up all of my life at this point!

Jessie

 
18.
Member Icon
Member
Curlysue (message)  1,703 posts, Bumble bee

Ooooh boy, I feel like this post could have came from my fingertips! Part of me wishes I had NEVER mentioned it online that I was getting engaged. I wish I had never posted a pic of my ring when people asked about the engagement because I got comments that I was “flashing” my ring…um, no, that’s not the reason and never meant for it to be that way. :( If I could do that whole part over again I would do it—but I can’t. I did delete my Weddingbook application on FB though because I got tired of people noticing the date and inquiring about coming.

 
19.
Ms. Smuttynose
Member
Ms. Smuttynose (message)  172 posts, Blushing bee

I just don’t understand why these people even want to come to our weddings. Hi…we’re not friends in real life…and/or I haven’t spoken to you in 10 years.

 
20.
futuremissh
Member
futuremissh (message)  7 posts, Newbee

Awkwards moments….yes….but not just on facebook.

I am finishing up my first year of medical school, walking into anatomy lab one day with a group of girls, one of them looked me in the eye and says “I better get an invitation, if not I am showing up anyways” Everyone stared at me in shock. I think people are just more “gutsy” in general than I ever will be. (Did I mention this was three months into school, I barely knew the girl)

 
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Mrs. Turtle
Mrs. Turtle

Mrs. Turtle, Central California Age and Occupation: 21, Art Student/Teacher Fiance's Age and Occupation: 22, English Student Engagement Date: August 16, 2008 Wedding Date: July 2010 Venue: Mr. Turtle's Grandparents' backyard, Arroyo Grande, CA About Me: I am a California girl who loves the beach and the mountains, but is quite satisfied living right in the middle where I can enjoy the best of both worlds. I am happiest when traveling to faraway places, wandering through museums, watching old movies, or baking up a storm. Mr. Turtle and I are high school sweethearts and fellow book nerds who both drive Mini Coopers and are most likely to be found browsing in antique stores. We're having so much fun planning our European garden wedding with a vintage twist and can't wait to share more of life's adventures together!

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