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Sorry, everyone. I’m not feeling very wedding-friendly today. So instead of my usual photo-full post, I’m going to lay it all out there, and I’m going to go photo-less as a sign of my rebellion. I’m overwhelmed. And I’m just plain stressed. I want to stop and smell the fresh spring flowers, but if I stop to breathe, who will finish the invitations? Who will finish making the napkin rings? Who will blah blah this? And who will blah blah that? Do you see what I mean?
It makes me feel even crazier when I start thinking about what would happen if I were to get sick. No one knows all the details or really sees the vision the way that I do. If I stopped planning and working on this wedding, it would end up being something else entirely. I know it would get done, and we would still get married. But honestly, there’s a part of me that resents people for saying things like, “The most important thing is that you’re getting married to Mr. Hot Wings that day.” I call BS. I do!
Here’s the deal. Of course we’re getting married that day. That is not what is stressing me out. What IS stressing me out is the amount of work and planning I have to do to for the wedding. So for people to tell me that I’m stressing over the unimportant stuff feels like a slap in the face; it’s as if all my work doesn’t matter and that it’s going unappreciated.
To make matters worse, I was silly and thought that all this work wouldn’t interfere with the already crazy schedule I have going on. Here’s my crazy list of non-wedding related events occurring from now until the wedding.
I should probably quit it with the whining. Yeah, I know. But to that I say, “We’re all allowed to get stressed, whiney, overwhelmed, and complain.” It’s natural, and it means we need support—Miss PChips and Mrs Glitter have given a little insight into their stress and anxiety, too. So let’s just let each other bitch about the planning, whine about how much people aren’t helping, complain about everything, and just be there to lend support to one another. Tomorrow will be another day. Tomorrow we can get back to taking it one step at a time and seeing out our projects to the end. But for me, today is a day to tell it like it is.
Are you feeling overwhelmed?
*hugs* Wishing you happy and calm thoughts! Hopefully, it’ll settle soon and the dedication rewards you with a well deserved break!
I completely agree! “The most important thing is that you’re getting married to Mr. Hot Wings that day” and “tell me that I’m stressing over the unimportant stuff” are two things that I HATE hearing. Us brides KNOW we’re stressing over the unimportant (in the big scheme of things) stuff, but that’s why we’re planning our own weddings in the first place, isn’t it? If we didn’t want all these little, time consuming, touches, we wouldn’t have them. But we are, and it’s our right to be stressed about them!
Thank you for telling it like it is!
I was definitely there, and your details DO matter. Even if your guests don’t notice them, you will, and you will get them done, and the ones you don’t are ones that weren’t as important to you. I eventually had to come to that realization and some things I thought were crucial in the beginning ended up being abandoned. But oh well!
I think the people who are emphasizing that you will get married regardless are trying to offer a reality check and a chance for you to relax a little. It is not that people will not appreciate all the work that you put in, but that you don’t *have* to do all that work. If it is something that you want to do, great, but if it is making you stressed and miserable and interfering with the rest of your life (and the more important work of getting ready to be married, rather than just getting ready for the wedding) maybe it is time to step back and take a deep breath and choose not to do some of these things. If you stepped back, it would be different, but it could still be wonderful and beautiful and fantastic. And if, heaven forbid, you got sick and had to step back, your friends and family would step up and it would still be wonderful and that would be okay. It has happened to many women (and men) and many of them ended up really happy in the end.
Yeah, I know getting married to Mr. C is the most important thing about the day. But I still want everything to be nice. And the comments about how I’m being frivolous (sp?) about favors and invitations makes me feel like they won’t be appreciated either! I completely get where you’re coming from. And of course I completely LOATHE when (Another engaged friend) and I are talking about favors and stuff like that and our single friends have nerve to call us both Bridezillas. They just don’t get it!
YES! I actually literally just finished writing a post on how stress I am with school, etc. I know exactly how you feel!!!
Absolutely Miss Hot Wings! I was totally there with you the last several weeks. I’m managing it now thanks to a big cry and talking it out with the FI. And it’s not the wedding stuff that’s so stressful, I LOVE that stuff. It’s the real world stuff that’s going nutzo around me. The storm of stress will pass- try to focus on the what you can control, and when it’s all over you can be proud of all you’ve accomplished! But yes I hear you, this is nuttystressful and it gets to the point where you have to let it all out.
Ugh! I am so in the same boat, sister. I am stressed right out. I thought making lists would help but instead it made it worse. *sigh* The joys of planning? 
Oh yes, been there, felt that…Right about the same amount of time out as you are…I definitely broke up with the wedding a few times…But now that I’m only about 5weeks away, it’s definitely lessened a bit…
I’m completely on board with you! I’m also trying to graduate, move to Boston, and plan a wedding, so stress is a constant way of life around here. I get so annoyed when people act like all the things I’m working on are unimportant. Hey, I get that things like wedding programs, seating cards, and passed hors d’oeuvres don’t make you married, however when tens of thousands of dollars are being spent on the event you bet I’m going to do everything in my power to make it as close to perfect as possible!
I agree a million times over!!!! I am taking a two month trip this summer and am even bringing the wedding invites with me so we can mail them from Sweden instead of paying the extra cost to mail them from here in the fall but all I can think about is someone at the airport touching my precious invites!!!
A freakin men.
And it isn’t like we are planning a $60 k wedding with all the stops. My stops aren’t even that much - it is just that no one lives near me, no one else can really take care of it or will do anything, and my mother is about as crafty as a dead frog.
Add doing everything for your own wedding to planning a trip to NYC for 55 high schoolers and I’ve got a recipe for fail-sauce.
It cannot be June 22nd fast enough - then school is over and I can take care of all the wedding stuff!
LOL, I feel the same way when someone says those things to me. Easy for them to say when they aren’t doing anything, but they just don’t get it… Thank goodness for wedding boards and friends, otherwise, I’d have gone bridezilla a long time ago!
Yes! And I know my wedding doesn’t matter to anyone as much as it does to the FI and I but can you PLEASE stop making OUR wedding ALL about you?! (that goes out to my dad’s entire side of the family).
miss hot wings, i totally feel you! i absolutely hate it when people tell me i’m doing too much, or that i’m stressing out too much, or especially when my dad tells me nothing i do really matters because people never remember anything from weddings! dammit, i’m going to make sure they remember MY wedding! and i they darn better remembers yours too!!! 
oh HW I remember being where you are - especially what you wrote about people telling you not to worry and feeling like it was a slap in the face. I was totally there. All I can say is that everything WILL get done and it will be beautiful 
and YOU will have done it and that makes it so much better
It’s OK to be overwhelmed. We’re all there in our own way at some point during this process. Just feel it, express it, and then move on. Everyone expects us to be the smiling cheery bride all the time. We all know it’s not always perfect and fun. During my planning my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and it’s really put things into perspective. Just take a deep breath, remember all the people that are happy for you and are excited for you— especially the ones who don’t care about the napkin rings, the invitations, and the bla bla blas. It will all get done, it will be beautiful, and you will be happy
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Mrs. Hot Wings, Chicago/San Diego Age and Occupation: 28, Professor Fiance's Age and Occupation: 32, Instructor Engagement Date: December 20, 2008 Wedding Date: August 2010 Venue: Ocean View Villas/Jasmine Seafood Restaurant About Me: I am a psychology grad student living in Chicago and planning my wedding to a fellow psych grad student. I am a Sunny So-Cal bred gal who trudged across the country to follow her love of psychology and ended up finding a partner in the process. I am overly passionate about anything I involve myself with. I am an activist, a foodie, a reality TV watching junkie, an over-analyzer, a photography obsesser, and am utterly cheesy to the core. This is a story of what happens when a boy and a girl meet, fall in love over academic dorkiness, and a shared love for life. We (mostly I) are planning our semi-destination wedding in my hometown of San Diego. We are excited to bring our families and friends together from across our lifespans to celebrate our future in a grand 400+ person culturally blended affair!
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