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I wanted to pause my recaps and hash something out that’s been on my mind.
As far as any big changes that came along with getting married, there were not many for us—we live together, have two dogs together, we are each keeping our last names, etc. Of course it’s been a trip getting to call him my “husband”, but otherwise it’s been low-key.
So I am weirdly excited about deciding what to do with our finances. (Freudian blip: I first typed that as “my finances” and had to go back and edit to “our finances”. So telling.) Anyway, there’s the whole question of whether to do completely joint, completely separate, or a combination where you have a joint account as well as individual accounts.
I had always assumed that we would do the combo—a joint account as well as separate accounts. But now I don’t know. Here are the reasons I can think of for the combo route:
I know I’m missing other issues, and would like to hear your reasons about why you are going to go joint, separate or a combo of the two. This is a very personal decision, unique to every couple, so don’t worry, I’m not looking for “the answer”, but rather just your thoughts.
We are thinking about going for the combo deal. I like the idea of being accountable to each other for the major things in our lives, but when it comes to some of our own hobbies, it will be nice to have side accounts. We will decide together how much goes in each account and work together that way.
I think we will do joint accounts just becasue it feels natural for both of us… although we will set aside ‘personal money’ that we arent accountable to the other person for. I’m just concerened about my bfs spending habits… he is a spender… I am a saver. My bestie and her husband have completely seperate accounts and that works for them. Good luck!!
Interesting. We currently have a joint account and we each have a separate account. However, we haven’t really figured out how to use all of these accounts we have. We made our first purchase out of our joint account (groceries!) and we almost forgot about it. I think we’ll end up slowly segueing into only joint land and then maintaining credit cards (that we pay off each month) for those secret purchases. So complicated!
I was for maintaining separate accounts and opened a joint account strictly for expenses (ie rent, utilities, etc.). After being together, it didn’t make sense and made us feel like we weren’t a team and made keeping track of expenses difficult so we just decided a complete joint account made the most expense. We discuss major expenses and minor expenses are just whatever unless they start to tally up.
We went through a similar decision- we ended up keeping both of our separate accounts, but made his our main one since it gets the best rewards. We kept mine since it is the same bank for our mortgage and my private student loans and makes paying bills easier. I haven’t been financially independant from my husband since we moved in together years ago- doesn’t bother me at all.
As far as buying gifts secretly for eachother- we each have our own credit cards… we have access to all of them, and have one main family credit card, and one personal one for each of us that we each pay out of our joint account.
Wow! My post above didn’t make any sense! Yikes! *after moving in together for 2 years* *made the most sense*
I hear ya on the financial independence. And the secret gift-buying. I think a lot of couples stay separate to maintain independence and it works really well. We don’t want to do that, however, since that’s what we do now and it’s too complicated. Plus, what if one of us gets laid off or stops working. We’ll have to discuss all financial decisions anyway, so might as well do a joint account.
My previous bf we did a combo and it worked out really well for us.
FI has lots of Student loans & cc’s to pay off so it will be a LONG time before we have a combo.
We’re going completely combined, I think. For the past couple years we’ve each had two or three individual accounts plus one combined and I am SO SICK of transferring funds and having no real idea of how much we have total. I’m ready for all the money to be in one place (partially so I am never deluded into thinking “there’s always more $ somewhere else!”)
Good post!
We do the combo - we each put in the same amt each month that we live off of - pay bills, pay mortgage, buy mulch, eat out, travel, etc. Most everything.
But its worked out really well for us to each have our own play money. We can get gifts for eachother, and take each other on dates and still feel like we’re treating each other if we want. I really like feeling like I can splurge on something if I want and not feel like I have to ask if its okay to spend that money.
It works for us!
oh! Forgot to mention, we have two checking accounts but one savings. So our nest egg is in one place. That makes me feel better - I feel ya Lairdea! It can get confusing with multiples
We have not decided on what to do either. We are both teachers and make the exact same amount. We are currently living together but only decided to do that once we got married. We split the bills, mortgage, etc. However, I pay 600 a month in grad and undgrad loans and he doesn’t. I’m also the one who normally goes grocery shopping so I foot that bill too. It would be nice to have some help with that stuff. I want a joint account, not for the help but so that I know he can check and see what I bought. My CC bill is a little high right now and it would not be that way if we shared it. I’m also saving for the wedding and i double check with him here and there to see if he is too and he says yes, but how do i realy know?His thing is that if it is joint then he can’t go out and buy me something. However, it’s not like buying me things is a weekly occurance. It happens duing special occasions so I would understand. My parents have joint accounts, his do not. I told him we can live like this until we are married and once that happens we need to make a decision.
I don’t have an answer/opinion either way. I’ll just offer my personal experience. I have been married previously. A relative passed away and I inherited some money. I made the mistake of co-mingling those funds with joint funds. Thus, when we were divorced my ex-husband got his share of my uncles money. Yeah. Sweet. I’m talking about a reasonably decent amount of money as well. So, yeah, it stung, didn’t seem “fair”. Just something to consider.
i haven’t thought too much about this, but we’ll probably do some sort of combination. it’s a pain to have to write each other checks all the time for rent and other big chunks of change.
We are completely combined. I had pause about those gifts - but we both have credit cards and even though they are on the same account, only our own statement shows up when we log in online. We will each have a time where one is completely supporting the other so this works best for us
We are still discussing, but at the moment we’re leaning towards joint everything, except that standard cash withdrawals (an “allowance” if you will) doesn’t need to be tracked/reported, and we’ll each retain a credit card of our own (eventually to be paid out of joint funds, but this will allow for a bit of time between purchase and reveal for gifts etc.)
Although we aren’t engaged we have discussed this & came up with the conculsion that our finances will probably stay the same (seperate) My SO makes about 4 times as much as I make, so he will take care of the mortgage (his house) & some of the bills. I pay some bills & buy all the grocceries. After bill paying the rest of our money is ours. We can do whatever we want with it. Invest it, save it, RRSP it, spend it.
I also work 3 jobs in order to live the lifestyle that I have grown accustomed to. I like nice things, mostly clothes. I don’t think it would be fair to be spending his money on things for myself.
The only problem I had when we discussed this is that I will be purchasing our family vehicle, paying for the gas & insurance. SO gets his vehicle, gas & insurance paid for. I didn’t think it was fair that I would be making this big purchase for us. I can afford it but I know he will also be using it for enjoyment. I have yet to discuss this with him because I know he would be willing to help out but I don’t want him to feel obligated.
I strugged with this! Oh, how I struggled. Being out on my own, having my own money, all of these things meant so much to me and my independence. My husband was ADAMANT that I did not have to give up any of my financial independence. BUT. In the end I determined I wanted to for a few reasons.
1. I was getting defensive of MY money and it was causing problems between us. I didn’t want that.
2. I had a trust issue and I decided that either I trust my husband with my money or I don’t. I decided I do. And
3. It took a huge fight and me thinking I’d killed him (don’t ask…though it’s pretty hilarious now) to realize that what I built by myself isn’t as important to my marriage as what we build together, and that includes our finances.
We are now completely combined and I’ve been much happier since. Plus, I’m on all his accounts and he’s on all of mine and since I’m really good with money, I keep track of all the finances. The system works!
The only thing I don’t like is that I know when he’s bought me a present and from where. 
We are still discussing, but I’d really prefer for us to keep our separate accounts and create a joint account for rent, utilities, etc. That way we can each deposit what we need for our bills at the beginning of the month and still keep our independent accounts for things like gas and other personal expenses. I don’t mind sharing my money, but I write down every. penny. I. spend. And Mr. Twista? Not so much. Having to check up about what has been spent would drive me crazy so having different accounts would just work better for us. That, and I won’t have to change around all the billing information for all my loans, credit cards, etc.
We are planning everything together and then we each have a CC for use to get each other surprises and such.
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Mrs. Pug, New York City/Half Moon Bay, CA Age and Occupation: 33, Lawyer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 32, ditto Engagement Date: July 2008 Wedding Date: March 2010 Venue: Ritz-Carlton, Half Moon Bay About Me: The Mr. and I are two 30-somethings who enjoy tasty sweets of all kinds, our neighborhood wine store, and cuddling with our pug. NYC is where we live and the city we love, but we’re doing the deed out in Northern California. We are trying to keep the affair small, intimate, and manageable. Our motto is: the less people, the better! (I’m kidding.)
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