Your Floyd Would Love This.

Your Floyd Would Love This.

May 5th, 2010 @ 12:59 pm by Mrs. Scissors
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Your Floyd Would Love This. : wedding georgia undergarments Boobspi boobspi

Confession: Right now I am wearing a bra from the 9th grade. I’m 25. I fail at lingerie—it’s just not on my radar. I’ve never had a good experience, never found anything that made me look anything less than a dingbat, and just bah. Honeymoons and wedding nights are times when one is supposed to break out the big guns, but I don’t have any guns. The closest thing to lingerie I wear is a white ribbed tank and VS Pink undies. It’s either that or nekkid. Why is that? Well, let me tell you.

My boobs are really far apart. Homies start practically under my armpits, and I have a good fist space between ’em. This means that they do not behave under any circumstances. (Just wait until we get to my dress fitting posts… You’ll see.)
I also have boobs on the small side. I feel like too much padding is false advertising, and besides that, they still don’t behave when being “pushed up”. They tend to peace out the bottom.
Straps are never long enough. Never. I’m 40 feet tall. Oh yeah, and I played basketball for 13 years. Clearly I failed at wearing correct sports bras, and they’re on the lower side because of that.
Any sort of lingerie that is of the chemise, corset, etc. nature ends badly because I’m 40 feet tall. I just end up looking like a moron with the waist in the wrong spot and my butt hanging out when it’s not supposed to.
I have no idea what my bra size is anymore. I have lost weight in the past year, which is why I’m back to wearing bras from forever ago. I’m too busy [read: lazy and terrified] to get fitted. Bah.
I just can’t see spending eleventeen thousand bucks on gorgeous underwear that I’ll hand-wash once, then accidentally put in the washing machine only to get ripped to shreds. I’d rather buy fonts or shoes.

All of that being said, I still feel like I need to have something in the lingerie department for wedding adventures. While the thought of lingerie shopping makes me fall over, it’s fun to pretend, right? So that’s what I’m going to do, damnit. Yes. these are all pieces, that in this pretend world my chest behaves, I’m normal-people-proportioned-and-not-10832408-feet-tall, and I don’t buy fonts, that I would want pretty hardcore.

Your Floyd Would Love This. : wedding georgia undergarments Ling2 ling2

1. Enchanting Silk-Tulle Bra & Enchanting Silk-Tulle Bow Briefs, Damaris 2. Eden Silk-Chiffon Triangle Bra & Eden Silk-Chiffon Briefs, Jean Yu 3. Lauren Whistling Bra & Lauren Whistling Thong, Stella McCartney 4. Stella McCartney Grace Waking Chemise, Stella McCartney 5. Sedgemoor Chemise, The Lake and Stars 6.Franklin Tank, The Lake and Stars 7. Franklin Brief, The Lake and Stars 8. Opportunity Tulle Corset & Opportunity Ruched Tulle Thong, La Perla

Your Floyd Would Love This. : wedding georgia undergarments Ling21 ling21

9. Fenella Bra, Fenella Waspie, & Fenella Thong, Agent Provocateur 10. Love Basque, Agent Provocateur

Your Floyd Would Love This. : wedding georgia undergarments Ling22 ling22

11. Melody Bra, Melody Waspie, & Melody Brief, Agent Provocateur 12. Nikita Demi Bra, Nikita Suspender, & Nikita Brief, Agent Provocateur

Your Floyd Would Love This. : wedding georgia undergarments Ling23 ling23

13. Mamba Bra & Mamba Brief, Agent Provocateur 14. Eleanor Bra, Eleanor Rollon, & Eleanor Thong, Agent Provocateur

Your Floyd Would Love This. : wedding georgia undergarments Ling24 ling24

15. Gardinia Corset, Agent Provocateur 16. Gardinia Bra, Gardinia Waspie, & Gardinia Brief, Agent Provocateur

Damnit, for someone who doesn’t do lingerie, I sure do love a whole lot of this stuff. If only it had any chance of fitting. Perhaps #1-4 would make friends with my weird set? I guess I’ll never know unless I try…

Do you have lingerie issues? Who else has torso or height issues when buying skivvies? Also, please tell me that there are other crazy-far-apart boob peeps out there, because the annoying clerk at Victoria’s Secret seems to think I’m a freak of nature.

*For anyone that’s wondering, that delightful quote is from the best show on the planet, aka 30 Rock.

Tags: georgia, undergarments |

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57 Responses to “Your Floyd Would Love This.”

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Guest

anon

I am totally with you on *hating* lingerie shopping. I don’t think my boobs are as far apart as yours, but they aren’t close. And the Victoria Secret clerk thinks I’m a freak of nature too because I am a 36A and apparently that is not a dimension that women are supposed to have (small breasts and high lung capacity/big rib cage are apparently incompatible). To add insult to injury, what the lingerie clerk considers fitting, I consider painfully tight. (And yeah, it is really hard to find an A cup that doesn’t have a ton of padding and isn’t a pushup). It really kinda ticks me off because I *like* my body. I look darn good. And it feels like the whole experience of lingerie shopping is designed to make me hate on myself.

5/5/10 @ 1:11 pm (reply)

Member

rachel_leigh (message) 1,106 posts, Bumble bee

Holy crap, I thought I was the only freak with super-far-apart boobs. They look like they are making room for a third. And ol’ lefty is definitely a CUP size bigger than lil righty. And if I wore a bra from 9th grade, it would be an ill-made sports bra because that it all I wore until COLLEGE. That’s right. Now, can I be in your kooky boob club?

5/5/10 @ 1:12 pm (reply)

Member

robinlinz (message) 260 posts, Helper bee

I don’t do lingerie either. I don’t feel comfortable in it, and my fiance isn’t a fan of it either, which makes it utterly useless.

I went bra shopping for the first time in 7 years last sunday, so I feel your pain. It was a long, drawn out process. My advice for you would be to go get professionally fitted at some place OTHER THAN VS.

Also, http://www.hankypanky.com has some REALLY cute wedding lingerie, and their bras and panties are super cute, and made for people on the smaller-boob side.

5/5/10 @ 1:13 pm (reply)

Member

Lo (message) 538 posts, Busy bee

I would not recommend getting fitted at VS. My mom took me to a boutique store to get me fitted properly and although I thought I would be uncomfortable with the process the ladies were great and I got a perfect fitting bra.

5/5/10 @ 1:19 pm (reply)

Member

bridesmomma (message) 451 posts, Helper bee

DON’T go back to VS… find a nicer department store or a shop that specializes in lingerie. You will be amazed at your awesome self!

5/5/10 @ 1:23 pm (reply)

Member

Maggie Mae (message) 649 posts, Busy bee

You are so funny and I love reading your posts. You always make me laugh with your cute humor. I wish I knew of places that would be of help. I have the opposite problem. I’m very short and a 34D and sometimes have problems finding undergarments I like. Today, I am actually wearing a bra with a hole in the side of it because it fits and it’s clean ~ lol.

5/5/10 @ 1:23 pm (reply)

Member

Maggie Mae (message) 649 posts, Busy bee

PS ~ and nekkid is always good……

5/5/10 @ 1:25 pm (reply)

Guest

Nancy

OMG! I have most of the same complaints about my boobs as you do (far apart and small). I also agree with Lo about not getting fitted at VS. I tried millions of bustiers in what VS told me was “my size” (34A) and everything was pinchy in all the wrong places and gave me weird arm fat. Then I went to a high-end lingerie boutique store and the saleslady again measured me to 34A, but because of my wide-apart boobs she recommended I try a 34B. It was like magic. I spent WAY too much money on a peachy colored lace bustier, but I love it to death. I never thought I would look good in sexy lingerie, but this thing makes my body look rockin.

5/5/10 @ 1:26 pm (reply)

Guest

Lauren

For being boob experts, the peeps at Vicky’s sure don’t do as good of a job as you’d like them to. Nor do they carry most people’s correct sizes… I’d recommend Nordstrom or Macy’s for a fitting. I won a shopping spree at Macy’s once with a certain Clinton Kelly and he said that your boobs should fall directly between your shoulder and elbow, no higher, no lower. Chances are most people (even small boobed girls like you and me!) are wearing the wrong size. I’ve got that far apart thing going on too, don’t worry! There’s something there but for the life of me I can never achieve the kind of cleavage that is worthy of such lingerie that you posted above.

5/5/10 @ 1:27 pm (reply)

10.

Member

trishisadish (message) 433 posts, Helper bee

I didn’t buy my first bra until I was in my early 20s and about to get divorced… My boobs are on the super small size and yet still somehow between sizes… good luck. Really cute lingerie btw!

5/5/10 @ 1:28 pm (reply)

11.

Member

jesssr (message) 67 posts, Worker bee

yay 30 rock!

5/5/10 @ 1:32 pm (reply)

12.

Member

farmersdaughter (message) 1,675 posts, Bumble bee

I just love the 30 rock reference. Thank you for that =)

5/5/10 @ 1:42 pm (reply)

13.

Bee

Mrs. French Bulldog (message) 7,730 posts, Bee Keeper

LOVE 30 Rock! Love the Floyd reference - LOVE!

5/5/10 @ 1:45 pm (reply)

14.

Member

MissCamera (message) 770 posts, Busy bee

*raises hand* yes, I too am a part of the far apart boob club, and no matter how much I try, I will never have cleavage. I’m tall (5′11″) & plus size, and also have small ones. It’s a catastrophe because everyone assumes if you’re plus size, you have DD knockers. Kind of embarassing being in a Cacique store and looking for B cup bras.

Can I also say that when I read about yours being a fist apart, I put my fist between mine too. LOL. Love your posts!

P.S I am IN LOVE with your #14 pick.

5/5/10 @ 1:48 pm (reply)

15.

Bee

Miss Locket (message) 2,837 posts, Sugar bee

I would say at an place that does measuring I would ask for the most tenured associate! I know some places are notorious for sucking, but a lot of that has to do with the experience level of the person doing the fitting…a lot of times the measuring systems don’t work for every body type…and it’s not because you are a freak of nature…..if I was measured by VS standards I would be a 42 A-B….not the case at all…a lot of getting the right size is at the measures intuition.

5/5/10 @ 1:54 pm (reply)

16.

Member

EmeraldR (message) 753 posts, Busy bee

Whoa! That Agent Provocateur corset is $1,500!

5/5/10 @ 1:54 pm (reply)

17.

Guest

LurkMcGurk

LOL - “I’d rather by fonts”

5/5/10 @ 1:57 pm (reply)

18.

Guest

LurkMcGurk

*buy. Can spellz. Swearzies.

5/5/10 @ 1:58 pm (reply)

19.

Member

airythia (message) 344 posts, Helper bee

ooo i like #10. it’s both cute and sexy.

have you gone to an actual lingerie boutique shop? they tend to be more expensive but i think it would be TOTALLY worth it for you. you may find that things you had put in the “this will never work” pile will actually work. it just depends on cut and quality!

5/5/10 @ 1:58 pm (reply)

20.

Guest

Flutterby

WOW! I am so glad I am not the only one with boob problems.
However, I am the exact opposite of you all. I wear a 40 G and my twins are right on top of one another, plus, I am super short (just over 5 foot). YUPPERS.. you read that right. Now, try and find that somewhere, no happening! It’s a pain. I have not owned a swimsuit in 10 years becasue NOTHING fits me right.

5/5/10 @ 2:06 pm (reply)

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