Weddingbee Blog

Think about your Wedding Self and your Regular Self. Are they the same? I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Often, classmates, friends, and even Bee readers will remark that I seem like a super laid-back bride. I gotta tell you, I feel like a super laid back bride. Sure, I’ve had moments of stress and guilt, but nothing major. Nothing like my Regular Self.

As my wedding planning has progressed, I’ve realized a couple things:

1. When it comes to planning my wedding, I am the best version of myself. I am carefree and courageous, a little silly and creative. I am laid-back and light-hearted. And I’ve maintained a level of organization that continues to baffle me.
2. I am not like this in any other facet of my life. You should see me at grad school (which I just finished for the semester, so apologies for my radio silence.) I am a mess. I am high-strung and anxious. I am unsure of my decisions and myself. I conflate essay assignments with my level of self worth and cannot write a paragraph or attend a class without an anxiety attack. I am my own worst enemy and can’t seem to get out of my own way.

This seems really strange to me.

When I think about wedding planning, talk to other Bees, converse with readers, and read over my own blog posts I nod and recognize myself as I used to be: joyful and cheerful and sarcastic and, well, fun. That’s my Wedding Self. Why can’t I be like that in everyday life? Because I’m pretty sure I used to be like my Wedding Self, most of the time. But I’m not anymore. Obviously, one needs to approach Real Life (and certainly, graduate school) with a level of seriousness and responsibility that florists and flower girl dresses simply don’t demand. I’m not saying that life should be all tulips and giggles. But it should be part tulips and giggles, and that’s the part I’ve lost.

What does it all mean? Does it mean I should quit grad school and become a wedding planner? I don’t think so. First, I’ve realized that my grad school stress is more internal than anything else. Meaning, it’s not so much the program and assignments getting me down; it’s my own anxiety and confidence issues that I need to deal with. Secondly, ohmyGod can you imagine me trying to plan someone else’s wedding? That would be a sh*t show. Pardon me.

What I wish, more than anything, is to merge these two parts of myself (minus the excess anxiety, but I’m working on that). I feel like that Wedding Gal—irreverent and goofy and chillaxed, with a spark and a spirit and a joie de vivre—is who I used to be, back before I knew any better. That’s how I should be. And I’m trying to get back there.

I write this in the off chance that anyone can relate. Do you have split Wedding and Real Life personalities? Or do you approach life in the same way you approach your planning, whether that be Type A-organized, Type Z relaxed, or somewhere in between?