Weddingbee Blog

Soon after I proposed to my ’maids I received this card in the mail:

In a previous post, I’ve mentioned that my younger sister (and only sibling) is mentally disabled. However, I have not blogged about what it means to have her as not only a part of our wedding day but as my Maid of Honor. I’ll start with an excerpt from my Personal Statement from my graduate school application:

I have no memories of being an only child. Perhaps the lack of memory before my sister’s birth serves as the metaphorical beginning of my own life when Julia joined our family. As an only child my mother jokes that I was self-centered and domineering. Julia was born when I was four, and upon her arrival home I knew my life was to be forever changed. A mentally disabled miracle, Julia has both taught me many of life’s greatest lessons, while simultaneously instilling within me a strength of self and an all-encompassing desire to interact, grow, and learn from the touching of other lives. From early on, together with Julia, I have gained insight into human relationships specific to the qualities of compassion and love, sharing and patience, and empathy.

circa 1988

circa 2008

To say that Julia holds a special place in my heart is beyond an understatement. She means the world to me. She simultaneously has taught me how to be young and playful but also responsible and nurturing.

Throughout our relationship I have always been in the position to care for Julia. So, when it came time to choose my Maid of Honor, Julia wasn’t my immediate choice. I thought of her in terms of her disabilities: the challenge in holding two bouquets at the altar, the fact that she can’t organize a bachelorette party, or that her maid of honor speech would probably consist of her proclaiming, “Congratulations, Sissy!” and that’s about it. I’ve never asked her to take care of me.

My Mom, however, assumed Julia was my obvious choice for MOH. When I shared my reservations, she reminded me that nothing about our family is conventional, and that Julia’s abilities often surprise us. Moreover, choosing my MOH is about a relationship not about a drunken night out with friends or holding an extra bouquet. Ultimately, the more I thought about it, I realized that I could not be more honored to have Julia serve as my Maid of Honor. I want nothing more than to recognize and celebrate our relationship. And even if her speech only consists of a huge, “Congratulations, Sissy!” I think it will give me just enough time to tear up and give her a great big hug.

Is your family less than conventional? Have you come to embrace it?