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Mrs. Seashell, Chicago, IL / Providence, RI Age and Occupation: 28, Marriage and Family Therapist Fiance's Age and Occupation: 31, Electrical Engineer Engagement Date: September 3, 2009 Wedding Date: September 2010 Venue: The Glen Manor House About Me: Fonts and fashion, stationery and Sundays, photography and french toast... the beauty is in the details for this fun-loving Chicagoan who loves to plan plan plan! The soon-to-be hubs plays "Mr. Fix-It" in our new condo while I swoon over beautiful, personalized stationery and choose shades of aubergine for my bridesmaids' dresses... and thus begins my new fairy tale! Skirting to the East Coast for our September nuptials where my home state of Rhode Island awaits with fall foliage, I'm just a few dress fittings and bachelorette party away from saying "I Do" to a very happy ending!
About Mrs. Seashell

I came across this article today and although I can take no credit for it whatsoever, I think these tips for newlyweds are fantastic.

Best Advice for Newlyweds from a Marriage Counselor :  wedding providence relationships Married married

(source)

Communicate with one another.

“Talk, talk, talk,” says Eagan. Communication about everything from small things such as how you spent your day to big things such as how to spend your money is vital to a healthy marriage. It helps you get to know each other better, resolve issues, and stay connected to your spouse.

Break your routine.

Don’t get caught up in routines. That means you should avoid taking each other for granted by having date nights and taking romantic vacations when you can. Avoid just going to and from work and never focusing on each other or your relationship. When you are just going through the motions, you will feel less satisfied and less content. And that will rub off on your spouse, too. Marriage, after all, is a delicate balance between two people.

Wait to have children.

If you can, wait to have children. Putting off getting pregnant to give you and your spouse time to build a foundation for a family. Build your marriage so that it will be sturdy enough to support the weight of the family you’d like to create. That means getting closer, resolving serious issues, and finding your rhythm as a couple.

Save some money.

Avoid collecting debt. Money troubles put unnecessary stress on a marriage; in fact, it’s one of the major causes of arguments among married people. You can throw a nice wedding, make a home for the two of you, and live without breaking the bank as long as you don’t spend more than you have. You should also try to keep an eye to the future by always having something in savings. Your wallet and your relationship will pay the price if you don’t watch your pennies.

Look good for each other.

Keep up with hygiene and get dressed up every once in a while. “Don’t get sloppy in your relationship,” says Eagen. “Keep it special.” When you start paying less attention to your appearance, you send the message to your spouse that you just don’t care and you’re not really interested in maintaining the attraction between the two of you. You should be sending the signal that you’re still hot for your spouse – and you want to keep it that way!

Get a life.

Hang onto your friends and family. Just because you’re married does not mean you should abandon everyone and everything that existed in your life before the wedding. You still need social outlets to re-energize yourself for your spouse. “Don’t expect your partner to be your everything,” warns Eagan.

Have good sex.

Sex is a vital part of the marriage relationship. You should make sure your sex life is satisfying for both of you. If there are physical problems affecting your performance, you should see a doctor and discuss the situation with him or her and your spouse.

Be ready for the after-the-wedding blues.

Realize you may experience post-nuptial depression, which refers to the state of depressed mood that newlyweds experience within the first three to six months of marriage. There’s a lot down after all the excitement of the wedding festivities and honeymoon are over. Although brides are more apt to talk about it than grooms, both pairs probably feel this to some extent. Eagan suggests refraining from talking about the wedding all the time and going out and doing things together. Understand that it takes time to re-orient your life and keep in mind that this is just the start of your great new life together.

Do you feel prepared for these? Which will be the most challenging to execute?

Tags: providence, relationships |
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22 Responses to ““Best Advice for Newlyweds from a Marriage Counselor””

1 2 

1.
jingle96
Member
jingle96 (message)  2,842 posts, Sugar bee

Thanks for the post! They all make sense to a happy marriage!

 
2.
Bee
Miss Hot Dog (message)  317 posts, Helper bee

Wow that is awesome advice. Bookmarking now…. :)

 
3.
sunnydebs
Member
sunnydebs (message)  784 posts, Busy bee

The last one sounds the hardest to me.

 
4.
sf_carrie
Member
sf_carrie (message)  463 posts, Helper bee

Great post! Thanks!

 
5.
Aleanan
Member
Aleanan (message)  258 posts, Helper bee

My FI and I just started premarital couseling and we talked about many of the topics on that list. One that is not mentioned is Conflict Resolution which is the way you handle conflict.
Having a healthy CR style can help during times of frustration and high stress.

 
6.
Miss Cardigan
Bee
Miss Cardigan (message)  8,645 posts, Bee Keeper

That’s definitely good advice! Love the tip about breaking your routine - FI and I are big on spontaneity, and it makes such a huge difference! We’ll often take random 1.5 hour road trips (each way) just to eat dinner at our favorite restaurant and buy some Godiva chocolate. People think we’re crazy, but it’s fun and it keeps things exciting!

 
7.
Miss Cardigan
Bee
Miss Cardigan (message)  8,645 posts, Bee Keeper

That’s definitely good advice! Love the tip about breaking your routine - FI and I are big on spontaneity, and it makes such a huge difference! We’ll often take random 1.5 hour road trips (each way) just to eat dinner at our favorite restaurant and buy some Godiva chocolate. People think we’re crazy, but it’s fun and it keeps things exciting!

 
8.
Bee Icon
Bee
Miss Sewing (message)  2,701 posts, Sugar bee

good advice! the last one scares me the most! eeeepp!

 
9.
Bee Icon
Bee
Miss Brooch (message)  1,721 posts, Bumble bee

yes, excellent advice. It’s all kind of common sense, but it helps to read it.

 
10.
pvaulter718
Member
pvaulter718 (message)  2,116 posts, Buzzing bee

Thanks for the info! I think most of them I had heard before, but the reinforcement is great!

 
11.
MJogan
Member
MJogan (message)  124 posts, Blushing bee

First off, Miss Seashell, I think it’s so cool that you’re a marriage and family therapist! I remember a post you did awhile back about feeling like the other bloggers had all these creative talents to contribute and that this was what you had. I think you have arguably the most important contribution (although I LOVE all the Bees!!). The wedding is only one day, the marriage is a lifetime!

I hope I speak for a few of us when I say encore! More posts like this, please!! This is greatly appreciated! Thank you!

 
12.
Bee Icon
Bee
Mrs. Pencils (message)  1,027 posts, Bumble bee

this is good advice! we don’t have the post wedding blues yet, but it does feel weird to not have to plan!!!

 
13.
Mrs. Pug
Bee
Mrs. Pug (message)  3,753 posts, Honey bee

thanks for these great tips!

 
14.
Member Icon
Member
MOHmama (message)  404 posts, Helper bee

great list!

 
15.
Bee Icon
Bee
Miss Hamster (message)  4,046 posts, Honey bee

Great tips, thank you!

 
16.
Member Icon
Member
fromcharleston (message)  651 posts, Busy bee

I love these posts! I read a good one today in this month’s Real Simple magazine. I think the article was called something like “10 Things my Dad Always Told Me”. It was: Hold hands while you fight.

 
17.
tea
Member
tea (message)  7,295 posts, Bee Keeper

these are some of my favorite posts. i think that’s all very solid advice!

 
18.
Mochacoca
Member
Mochacoca (message)  399 posts, Helper bee

This is such a great post I am sharing with all my friends

 
19.
shaydenise
Member
shaydenise (message)  1,151 posts, Bumble bee

This is an awesome post! Thanks so much for sharing!

 
20.
ktisthatbees
Member
ktisthatbees (message)  2,742 posts, Sugar bee

Thanks for passing the article along, what some great tips! Planning the wedding is my everything right now, so I am definitely concerned that I will experience some of those post wedding blues.

 
1 2 

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Mrs. Seashell
Mrs. Seashell

Mrs. Seashell, Chicago, IL / Providence, RI Age and Occupation: 28, Marriage and Family Therapist Fiance's Age and Occupation: 31, Electrical Engineer Engagement Date: September 3, 2009 Wedding Date: September 2010 Venue: The Glen Manor House About Me: Fonts and fashion, stationery and Sundays, photography and french toast... the beauty is in the details for this fun-loving Chicagoan who loves to plan plan plan! The soon-to-be hubs plays "Mr. Fix-It" in our new condo while I swoon over beautiful, personalized stationery and choose shades of aubergine for my bridesmaids' dresses... and thus begins my new fairy tale! Skirting to the East Coast for our September nuptials where my home state of Rhode Island awaits with fall foliage, I'm just a few dress fittings and bachelorette party away from saying "I Do" to a very happy ending!

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