Optional Anxiety

Optional Anxiety

May 19th, 2010 @ 1:14 pm by Mrs. Hamster
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In my invitation reveal, you may have noticed that we decided to go with a “Black Tie Optional” dress code. We didn’t really put much thought into this - we (okay I) just thought it would be kinda neat if some guys decided to show up looking like this:

Giggle.

Okay, I mean our male guests showing up in tuxes, not looking like RP, but a girl can dream, right?

Anyway, I printed our invitations with the “Optional” option, not thinking much of it. Guys who wanted to wear tuxedos could, if they didn’t, no biggie. Who doesn’t like options?

Well, based on some anecdotal feedback from my friends, this option is causing some wardrobe frets.

One guest was concerned that by wearing a tux, he would be mistaken for the bridal party - which as explained by his wife, he didn’t mind, *but* he was afraid other guests might assume he was being presumptuous. Another guest was considering wearing a tux but wanted to make sure there were enough guys who were also wearing tuxes. And the list goes on.

The invitations are printed and sent, our guests have RSVPed and those who want to wear tuxes will - so there’s nothing to be changed at this point. But now I’m just curious…

If you were a guy, would you wear a tuxedo to a “Black Tie Optional” wedding? Why or why not?

Tags: menswear, nyc |

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24 Responses to “Optional Anxiety”

1 2 Last

Member

winter (message) 1,333 posts, Bumble bee

I am pretty sure my husband would NOT wear balck tie if it was optional…BUT i might lie to him and say he has too because I like seeing him in one lol

5/19/10 @ 1:24 pm (reply)

Member

hilsy85 (message) 3,680 posts, Sugar bee

We went to a black tie optional bat mitzvah two years ago and FI wore a tux because he has one and so he might as well wear it. But my BIL wore a black suit because he didn’t have a tux, and that was fine too. He didn’t feel out of place or anything.

5/19/10 @ 1:28 pm (reply)

Member

jgoulart (message) 1,069 posts, Bumble bee

My husband would probably wear a suit and tie unless he was told it was more casual.

5/19/10 @ 1:29 pm (reply)

Bee

Mrs. Pug (message) 3,753 posts, Honey bee

you could have a stack of cutouts of RP’s face with a string attached so that all the men entering the wedding can put it on like a mask!

as to your actual question, if i already had a tux i would definitely wear it! but probably not rent it.

5/19/10 @ 1:34 pm (reply)

Member

sapphirebride (message) 1,747 posts, Bumble bee

We put “semi-formal” on our invitations to indicate that tuxedos weren’t necessary but that suits are standard. Oh man, the fall out from that! There’s one group of family that apparently doesn’t own suits and didn’t want to come if they were going to feel out of place or going to have to buy/rent suits. We had to convince them to ignore it and just wear their best clothes, but I assume that most other men will wear suits. So, with our wedding, Black Tie Optional totally wouldn’t work…and I don’t think many of our guests would own tuxes.

5/19/10 @ 1:34 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Sewing (message) 2,701 posts, Sugar bee

i’d probably think it was literal, and then just wear a black tie! hehe. but no, i wouldn’t wear a tux unless i had one already.

5/19/10 @ 1:37 pm (reply)

Member

Farfromachildbride (message) 1,006 posts, Bumble bee

I would not wear a tux, nor advise my husband to wear one. A black suit is fine. The added expense of a buying or renting a tux is just not worth it - sorry. My two cents.

5/19/10 @ 1:58 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Hamster (message) 4,046 posts, Honey bee

I agree - I would probably wear one if I already had one, but wouldn’t go out of my way to rent one.

@Mrs. Pug: After my mom finishes cutting out the whoopie labels, she’s moving onto the RP faces.

5/19/10 @ 1:59 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Hamster (message) 4,046 posts, Honey bee

@Miss Hamster: No need to be sorry. I agree with you To each her own though.

5/19/10 @ 1:59 pm (reply)

10.

Bee

Miss Hamster (message) 4,046 posts, Honey bee

@Farfromachildbride: Now it just looks like I’m totally spamming my board. How did I reply to myself??? Anyhoo, I meant the reply to you

5/19/10 @ 2:00 pm (reply)

11.

Member

hulahoop (message) 68 posts, Worker bee

We went to a wedding last summer that was black tie optional - my fiance wore a suit as he did not have a tux, and didn’t want the extra expense. If he had one though, he probably would have worn it! There was a good mix of suits and tuxedos, so he was all set either way!

5/19/10 @ 2:09 pm (reply)

12.

Member

MJogan (message) 124 posts, Blushing bee

I think a lot of guys will do what’s convenient. If they own a tux, they’ll wear it, if the don’t, they’ll at least come better dressed than a polo and khakis.

5/19/10 @ 2:34 pm (reply)

13.

Guest

Vanessa

We are planning on “black tie optional” so thanks for posting this…now I sort of know what to expect.

Here’s the thing, my fiance is English and we went to a “black tie optional” wedding for his cousin in London last November. EVERY guy was wearing a tux except for my FI (doesn’t own one) and one other male guest. So maybe it’s just a cultural thing. Most American men don’t own a tux. Heck, my brother probably doesn’t own a suit (good thing he’ll be in the wedding party and have to rent a tux). I think it just depends. My dad owns a tux due to his line of work (lots of formal events to attend). I guess I can probably count on our English guests to wear the tuxes and it’ll be hit or miss with the Americans

5/19/10 @ 2:41 pm (reply)

14.

Member

ktisthatbees (message) 2,742 posts, Sugar bee

I’m with Mrs. Pug on this one. My FI already owns a tux so he would probably wear it (doesn’t have that many opportunities to so why not?). If I were a guy though and didn’t already own one I would just go the suit route and really snazz it up

5/19/10 @ 2:44 pm (reply)

15.

Bee

Miss Buttons (message) 5,046 posts, Bee Keeper

Hm…Mr. B would probably just wear a very nice, dark suit, since he doesn’t own a tux. That, and when we looked into renting tuxedos for our wedding, he looked ridiculous because of the way he is built (big broad shoulders, small waist…so the pants usually look saggy…sexyyyy). But I hear you…the look that RPattinson has on in that pic is super awesome.

5/19/10 @ 2:52 pm (reply)

16.

Guest

Heather

I like Mrs. Pug’s mask idea. I have no tux advice.

5/19/10 @ 2:53 pm (reply)

17.

Member

thebriz (message) 448 posts, Helper bee

LOL@shappirebird - we did the same thing. We live in NYC and most folks generally should know what all the categories mean. And if you didn’t but you know you’ll be at a reception in Manhattan on a late spring evening, in a fairly swank part of town, do you really need to ask what to wear? It was mostly his distant family, who (no offense) are a bit on the trashy side; I’m hoping they get it right but fully expect they will come looking like hot messes. It got so that I wrote what was expected for “semi-formal” our on website - hopefully, they saw it but I doubt it.

As mean as this sounds, as long as my side of the aisle looks good, I’ll be able to chill. If I had to do over, I’d write “black tie optional” just to convey to those that don’t get it, you need to look good, this isn’t your run-of-the-mill party (which sadly that’s what his family is accustomed). If FI and I were invited and he had a tux, he’s certainly wear it. How often do you get to wear a tux that if you have one, why not wear it.

And I’ve never mistaken anyone for being a part of the family or otherwise, if the affair was black-tie optional.

5/19/10 @ 3:05 pm (reply)

18.