The Important Things

The Important Things

May 21st, 2010 @ 3:44 pm by Ms Seahorse
Share

The Affianced was leaving her job, and in the midst of this we got our joint credit card bill and realized that neither of us had been tracking our spending on the card, and it was just after the holidays (hello, overspending) and I had just bought a car. We were suddenly overwhelmed with payments that needed to be made, and the awareness that the Affianced was about to lose her health insurance, and the realization that our original plan to put a certain amount of money a month into our wedding account was just not realistic anymore.

The best part of this is that it has made us really consider what is important. Here are some of the things that are important:

Tea and milk. These are things that we must always have on hand for our sanity and our bellies’ happiness.
Sweaters, because sometimes the heat needs to stay low.
Food and medication for our menagerie, because they are our family.
Board games/card games, because this is good, healthy entertainment.

These are all things that we can manage to continue to have without being overwhelmed.

The Important Things : wedding boston budget 13 1

The Affianced giving a thumbs up to sweaters and blankets

The situation also made us briefly reconsider our wedding. Should we give up our deposit and instead of getting married at the Lodge, get married in my parents’ backyard with an iPod instead of live music, and invite 15 people instead of 50? Should we get married just the two of us and our one witness each at town hall?

No. We realized that the wedding itself is really important to us. The process of creating it is important; the people we want to be there are important, all 50 or so of them. And flowers are important, even if we grow them on our deck instead of using a fancy florist. And good food is important, even if we haven’t figured out what kind of food it will be or where it’s coming from.

Most importantly, though, is that I will be there, and she will be there, and our community will be there to support us, and even if we’re living in a box on the street with our neurotic dog and defective cats, we’ll have each other and the people who care about us.

The Important Things : wedding boston budget 22 2

Thumbs up for wedding activities (isn’t that a pretty ring on her finger??)

Have you had to reconsider your wedding because of your financial situation? Did you decide to move forward with the wedding you originally envisioned?

Tags: boston, budget |

Share |

Latest Gallery Pics

Hot Pink and White with Zebra 36" Lighted Spandex Ostrich Feather Centerpiece

20 Responses to “The Important Things”

Member

charismaclassic (message) 357 posts, Helper bee

We did, and we also decided to move forward. My FH found out in December that he would be losing his position at the university (he’s a professor). We decided to move forward, especially as we went on a few interviews. In the end, another professor in his department decided to retire and his employer decided to “un-not renew” his contract, so he’s set to be there until graduation 2011 at least.

5/21/10 @ 3:52 pm (reply)

Member

Miss Birdy Girl (message) 43 posts, Newbee

My parents alloted me X amount of money for the wedding and they said “have a big ol’ wedding or use it towards a house. (we were looking at houses to buy) so i can up with the bright idea to have a small backyard wedding so we can use the money towards a house…well a month into that idea I was having second thoughts and was riddled with guilt for wanting my big fantasy wedding (cue the tears and mental breakdown) and then i gave up on the small wedding idea and with my hunnys blessing began planning the big fantasy wedding i’ve always dreamed of. We also found our dream home too! Yippe!

5/21/10 @ 4:00 pm (reply)

Member

eeyorezsmile (message) 32 posts, Newbee

In the month after we got engaged, I was informed that every member of my company would receive a 10% pay cut effective July 1. As someone who was already just barley making ends meet, this was a HUGE problem for us and the first place my mind went was to the wedding. We talked a lot about how to downsize. I had to give up the photographer of my dreams and there will be paper instead of real flowers at my wedding. I’m sad about it, but don’t want to end up with a mountain of credit card debt at the end of this, either. Besides, like you said, the important thing is that the two of us will be there and, at the end of it, we’ll be married!!!!!

5/21/10 @ 4:03 pm (reply)

Guest

Mary Beth

We got really freaked out a couple months ago knowing that the time to start paying and depositing was coming. Even though we are having a budget-friendly wedding, we are paying ourselves w/o credit cards, and we just wanted to throw in the towel. But FMIL, my mom and my brother rallied to help us slash the budget and stay on track. even though the budget is back on track where it was before now, we at least know we will have some help. because in the end, if we don’t have the money we won’t get it.

5/21/10 @ 4:04 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Sewing (message) 2,701 posts, Sugar bee

“the process of creating it is important” i really like this thought. thanks for saying what i’ve been feeling! luckily we’ve been okay budget-wise, but often i have guilt for spending on so many non-essentials.

5/21/10 @ 4:10 pm (reply)

Member

Ms Scrabble (message) 48 posts, Newbee

I just wanted to say that I love your posts! You always manage to “keep it real” in “a practical wedding” sort of way.

5/21/10 @ 4:20 pm (reply)

Member

slicey19 (message) 2,887 posts, Sugar bee

You mentioned Fancee’s ring but I don’t recall reading about the ring(s), did I miss a post (if so, please add the link) or are you keeping that detail from us?

Sometimes we all need to put things in perspective. In my case, we decided to have a long engagement in order to give us time to settle into life after grad school - and then I went back to school thus giving up my salary for more of a stipend but we got lucky and I was able to save the commission I made over a year of working almost entirely then we moved to a cheaper apartment, cutting our monthly living expenses by 40% which really helped.

5/21/10 @ 4:56 pm (reply)

Member

bohemianbailie (message) 980 posts, Busy bee

This post was so beautiful and really showed how much you are in love and maybe want to give my FI a huge hug!!

5/21/10 @ 5:01 pm (reply)

Member

supergeek (message) 111 posts, Blushing bee

i agree - i love your posts! i had saved for a while for a wedding - i was just a tad disappointed that my bros had killer bar mitzvahs and wanted a big party for the first time. but then whenever mr. supergeek’s mom wants a lil’ something something extra i get itchy over the idea of spending above what i had earmarked for the wedding.

5/21/10 @ 5:17 pm (reply)

10.

Member

farmersdaughter (message) 1,675 posts, Bumble bee

We went through this too. We ultimately ended up putting off the wedding for a year because of the exact sentiments you shared. While it was hard on us being engaged 18 months instead of 6, I am happy we made the decision to go through with it and be able to celebrate with our families and friends.

5/21/10 @ 5:21 pm (reply)

11.

Member

nona49 (message) 416 posts, Helper bee

Yes! I’ve always wanted an intimate but elegant wedding, since I was a teenager….but FI was worried about money since we really don’t have any. We’ve both been grad students for 4 years :o( so he insisted on a courthouse wedding with dinner at a restaurant afterwards…but he didn’t want to even pay for anyone’s dinner [gasp!]. Anywho, I pushed and pushed for my dream wedding, and thanks to my parents who so graciously offered to help with funding a part of the wedding, I was able to convince him. I had to give up on a couple of things, such as live music, a rehearsal dinner, simple flowers, etc….among other lil things, but all-in-all, FI is now on board (mostly) and I am pretty much getting what I originally had hoped for–a beautiful quaint little elegant wedding in a beautiful historic setting.

5/21/10 @ 5:50 pm (reply)

12.

Bee

Miss Seahorse (message) 156 posts, Blushing bee

@Ms Scrabble, thanks! That’s totally what I’m going for

@slicey19, the rings posts are coming, I promise!

5/21/10 @ 9:58 pm (reply)

13.

Bee

Miss Stripes (message) 1,063 posts, Bumble bee

Oh wow. Yes. I LOVE this post Seashorse! We’ve reconsidered the wedding a million times due to budget. And the fact remains that the process of planning a wedding and actually having a wedding where we are surrounded by our community is incredibly important to us! So we’re having a wedding. And it may not be the most posh wedding in the world but it will be our wedding!

5/21/10 @ 10:53 pm (reply)

14.

Bee

Miss Stripes (message) 1,063 posts, Bumble bee

edit: seahorse.
wow. it’s been a long week.

5/21/10 @ 10:54 pm (reply)

15.

Bee

Ms Potato Chips (message) 1,193 posts, Bumble bee

I love your list of important things. And I don’t think a day goes by that I don’t cringe at how expensive weddings are. But we scrimp and save in every other area of our lives. So on with the party. And the tea and milk and sweaters, which are also important to us (and coffee..).

5/22/10 @ 12:37 pm (reply)

16.

Member

tashawilson (message) 118 posts, Blushing bee

wow! this is my life to a T. after we got engaged, i got laid off and it all went down hill from there. i have another job, significantly lower pay, but my whole staff are DIYers are helping me out. my dad paid the reservation for out venue but feels since i am in my 30s, he shouldn’t have to pay for anything else. we considered cancelling, but we know a way will be made. did i mention i am getting married in less than 90 days and those final deposits are mounting??? lol…woooosah!

5/22/10 @ 4:29 pm (reply)

17.

Member

eileen marie (message) 1,662 posts, Bumble bee

Um real tear-jerker, Seahorse!! Couldn’t have said it better myself. You really summed up the essence of a marriage and what a wedding SHOULD mean.

5/22/10 @ 10:17 pm (reply)

18.

Member

KB (message) 169 posts, Blushing bee

Great post! Finances are a big part of why I’m not yet married. We’ve been together four years and well the truth is all I want is a small, simple, casual wedding. Now to make him realize I’m sincere about this. lol (he’d rather just elope and I wish I was more willing but the drama in my family that would ensue wouldn’t be worth it)

I figure it’s okay to make the mothers happy as long as at the end of the day, we’re married.

5/23/10 @ 5:49 pm (reply)

19.

Bee

Miss Seashell (message) 1,713 posts, Bumble bee

Great post, Seahorse!

5/23/10 @ 8:25 pm (reply)

20.

Member

dpillai (message) 70 posts, Worker bee

Love your posts, Seahorse! I have had so many second thoughts on slashing the budget, etc, but I think we are FINALLY in a place where we’re happy with what we’re doing. Like you, we sat down and discussed what was really, really important to us and went from there. Local beer, a great honeymoon, and a cute dress. The day after the wedding no one is going to remember what color the centerpieces were, what kind of guestbook I had, or that we didn’t provide favors.

5/24/10 @ 9:50 am (reply)