Weddingbee Blog

On Saturday we decided to get domestically partnered to celebrate Harvey Milk Day. And, um, because we love each other and stuff. Luckily domestic partnership ain’t marriage so we were able to do this spontaneously on a Saturday in California.

I think the fact that we didn’t need to obtain a license, have witnesses, or have any type of ceremony strongly attests to the fact that even the state doesn’t really consider this domestic partnership business to be equal to marriage. I’m just saying…

So what exactly did we do to become domestically partnered in CA?

First we filled out this form:

Then we put on our spiffy domestic partnering duds:

Next we had our form notarized in this strip mall:

And finally we dropped it in the mail:

Last but not least, we had a celebratory drink somewhere really gay:

But what exactly are we celebrating?

• Our commitment to each other. Duh. Oh! And obtaining the only type of legal recognition and protection that our state currently offers us.
• The right to adopt a shared name. We hyphenated. We’re excited. This deserves its own post.
• The right to each others’ health care coverage. And my health care rocks!
• The right to both be considered parents to children born into our partnership.
• And a bunch of other rights listed here. I’m just sharing the ones I’m currently most excited about!

And what exactly are we missing out on?

Um. Important social recognition. And all legal and economic protections once we leave California. Yup. Out the window. Only marriage offers federal benefits and protections. Around 1100 of them.

• So that health care coverage? While it counts as a non-taxable benefit for a married couple, it counts as taxable income for domestic partners. Yes, you read correctly. I will be taxed on the total employer cost of insurance for my domestic partner.
• And those children we have? Um. I will have to adopt them to ensure that I am recognized as a parent outside of California and in the hopes that if something happens to me my children will receive my Social Security benefits.
• Which brings us to the fact that my Domestic Partner will not receive my Social Security benefits should anything happen to me. Ever.
• And if you’ve been following along, well then you may have guessed that we won’t be able to jointly file our Federal taxes. But we will be required to jointly file our state taxes. Not confusing at all.

So yeah, we got domestically partnered because some recognition and protection is better than none at all. And it is definitely exciting to have a little formal/legal recognition as a couple—I hear we even get a certificate! Woo hoo! And we’re pretty excited about sharing a common name, too. But we’re no fools and it’s pretty obvious that Domestic Partnerships are not equal to Marriage. Certainly not in any tangible economic terms and not in many intangible social terms either.

In answer to the question, “Why aren’t domestic partnerships or civil unions good enough?,” Freedom to Marry has this to say:

Couples who take on the responsibilities and commitments of marriage deserve the cultural respect, social support, and legal protections of marriage.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Last I checked, we aren’t starting a law firm or shooting a Western, we’re doing the work, so let’s call it what it is: MARRIAGE.

Okay then. Hopefully that didn’t come off as a big fat Debbie Downer “I want rights too” post, but damn it Idowantrights! Equal rights. Nothing more and nothing less. And domestic partnership is definitely less.

But none the less exciting.

xoxo

Partner 1

aka Miss Stripes

Are you a domestic partner? Is it good enough? What if domestic partnership and marriage were truly identical in legal/economic terms? Which one would you choose and why?